Sorceress (1982)

  Evil wizard Traigon must sacrifice his firstborn child to a dark deity. His wife disagrees and in order to save her twin daughters, she runs away from him. The two girls grow up by the side of a warrior named Krona who protects and trains them. After twenty years of absence, Traigon returns and he sets out to finish the job; to sacrifice his daughters...
  After an hour and a half, I was still looking for a Sorceress but she was nowhere to be found. Anyway! Sorceress is an early 80's Sword&Sandal epic (?) movie directed by legendary cult director Jack Hill and produced by Roger Corman. Rumor has it that Corman interfered so much in the editing that Hill was disappointed and decided to remove his name in the credits as a director. You can really sense that this movie was put together really fast in order to cash in on Conan's success as a film of the same genre. Unfortunately, in that token, Sorceress does not cut it but at least it provides with 83 minutes of pure B-movie fun. It is filled with clever sexual innuendos, cheap but entertaining 80's special effects and costumes, a fair amount of action and fantastic beasts and alive things (sic) inspired by almost any "epic" era or tale you can imagine. Some may not be huge fans of "All-In-One" soups like this but I certainly had fun.
  Except from the sexy blonde twins, Leigh & Lynette Harris (ex-Playboy Playmates), almost everyone else is Mexican. It makes sense since the film was shot in Mexico in order to ensure lower production costs. Roberto Ballesteros plays the evil father/wizard, Bruno Rey is Baldar, David Millbern is Pando (my personal favorite, a Satyr) and Roberto Nelson is Elrick. For a B-movie such as this, the overall acting quality is actually above average and very convincing throughout the entire film. The actors certainly did more than they had to, that's for sure!
Should you or should you not watch this? I don't know...Do you want to see a half-man/half-goat getting all voyeur-y on a couple of naked blonde twins swimming in a lake? Do you want to see what the cheapest special effects in 1982 could produce? Then, the answer is clear!
Must watch this :  on a lazy, bored Sunday afternoon after you have enjoyed a hefty BBQ lunch. Grab a soda and tune in on that shit. For the afterburner, blast this!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086340/

20 years early for a Gimli tryout, dude, but i like your effort!

How did my life end up like this?

It is not obvious what I am supposed to be but it is obvious that I am

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

  Dr. DeMarco conducts his morbid experiments secretly while attempting to create humanoids put together from various body parts with the ultimate goal of controlling them using his electronic devises.  When one if his creations escapes, it sets off on a killing spree and draws the attention of the F.B.I, the C.I.A and other agencies. While everyone is trying to stop him, the mad doctor puts every effort in fulfilling his goal...
  Given the fact that Ted V. Mikels directed this one, it does not strike as a surprise to anyone who watches this film as to why this film is like that. Don't get me wrong, though. This film has every little aspect that guarantees a Z-rate cult film success and that is pretty much everything in small doses. Little bit of Science-Fiction,a little bit of Gore, a pinch of Spy/Mystery adventure and if you add to that a strong essence of Psychedelia then you get AstroZombies. Sadly, the film lacks a strong amount of any of its aforementioned elements to reciprocate for plotholes and a absurd storyline. But even so, AstroZombies does not get crappy enough to be labeled as "Must not watch this". You just need enough psychoactive substances, I guess...
  To be honest, that main thing that draw my attention to this flick (and I am guessing most people's out there) is the fact that Tura Satana has a role in it. Plus, the fact that it is one of the last films that Wendell Corey appears in. For those that don't know, Tura Satana played the iconic role in Faster! Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Corey had a long career in both cinema and television. John Carradine (another well-respected actor with a long career) plays the mad scientist and it makes sense that the plot revolves around him too. Additional roles by Tom Pace and Joan Patrick. Thumbs up for the humanoid and the original poster artwork. They really had me there!
Must watch this : strictly for the thrill of it! I mean, come on, it has everything you need to fill a good 92 minutes. Enough action to not let you get bored, enough psychedelic dancing (?) and goodlooking ladies and enough fake science theories and gore. Just make sure there is enough cider in the fridge to go with the flick. Sour and sparkly as they are both.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064048/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

When you eyelash game is on point *SLAY*

Bang, Bang. She shot me down!

If I keep starring at it then maybe I may seem more convincing