Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

  Linda Westinghouse works in a Turkish legal firm and is often troubled with erotic nightmares about a sexy female vampire that seduces her. When she gets assigned on the case of Countess Nadine Carody, Linda recognizes in her the vampire of her dreams.Is Linda losing her mind or is it all happening?
  Summer has deeply kicked in around here and the only thing better than a cold beer is a Jess Franco film about lesbian vampires,trippy psychedelia and erotic atmosphere. Using his well-known techniques, Franco manages to emphasize on the beauty of the woman body creating a picturesque result without falling into the trap of porn. Dreamy sequences, hazy mood, a pure 60's psychedelic soundtrack by Siegfried Schwab and a plot that is exploitative enough will definitely make you lose your mind.
  Ewa Strömberg is Linda, a pretty young lady who is gets hunted by the seducing vampire Countess Nadine, beautifully played by Soledad Miranda. Both actresses display some very theatrical talent in their performances but undoubtedly Soledad stands out for the incredible look in her eyes. Something between "high beyond all points" and "horny as hell" that surely made Dennis Price fall for her charm and powers.
Must watch this : after you have consumed a hefty amount of bad quality alcohol, a pack of cigarettes and a manly joint, allow yourself to be drowned in this film's heavy smoke on a random hot summer night. Cool off with a ride in your car and this fucker blasting !
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066380/.

First 3 minutes in the film...It's gonna be good

I am leaving you, Mary, for Pierre. He is a much better lover!

Are those real?

Swedish Nympho Slaves (1977) a.k.a Die Sklavinnen

  A father and his right hand pay a handful amount of money in order to get back the father's kidnapped daughter. The kidnappers never return the daughter so they kidnap a whorehouse owner whom the police have been trying to get for years. Now it is time for some answers...
  Jess Franco hits again. With Erwin C. Dietrich by his side as a writer and producer, Franco goes big this time as the money flows. Same old cast and same old Franco-style progress guarantee an entertaining plunge into the abyss of sleazy bars and whorehouses, drugs, money and sex. Franco was never a director for whom people would have a certain idea. Same goes here. If you didn't like him anyway, you willhate him for this film. If you liked him, now you will love him.
  Lina Romay is (guess what) the whorehouse master, Madame Arminda, and deals heavily with prostitutes and drugs.Of course, she is naked throughout most of the film. Martine Stedil is the poor daughter who got caught up in the web and a cult Vítor Mendes is her father. Jess Franco appears in this too, as always, as the father's goon. Attention : full frontal nudity or semi-full frontal nudity is profound in this film so watch at your own risk!
Must watch this : on a slow-paced evening, summer or spring. Open your window to let the sounds of the city come in, open up a cheap beer and submerge in this film like you would submerge in a pool with hot, steamy water. After the film, listen to that sick mofo to wake you up from the haze!
Whole Film
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0193510/

Okay, I swear I did not leave my kitchen!

I should have never left school

What the fuck am I doing here?

Relations (1969) a.k.a Sonja - 16 år

  Pege, a middle-aged man, has relationship problems with wife who seems to be too cold to work it out anyway. Frustrated and lost, Pegel starts fooling around with 16-year-old Sonja who leads him on a distorted path to sexual and sensual fulfilment...
  Hans Abramson and Brandon Chase direct this masterpiece of EuroSleaze! It comes out as ordinary sexploitation flick but it is a lot more than that. The European air and mood are too present to let this film be just an exploitation film. The directors pay close attention to giving another perspective to the whole subject of relationships and of course they do so through some vivid and lewd depictions of sex and tense dialogues. If you are too frigid, don't watch. It takes open-minded European eyes to swallow it down!
   Bjørn Puggaard-Müller is the adulterer who found his second youth and Gertie Jung is the young nymph wo allows him to take this second taste of the saucy youth! Both act quite convincingly, as if they were actually in this small erotic adventure. Jeanne Darville, Poul Glargaard and Isa Møller Sørensen fill up the rest of the crew and complete this borderline sensually distorted movie.
Must watch this : alone or with a friend of the other sex. After the film, talk about relationships, sex and cheating with this groovy fucker playing. Chances are you will have sex afterwards!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065129/

Am I not too young for you?

Hmmm, so I wasn't too young after all!

I am a defiler of innocent youth!

Fly Me The French Way (1974) a.k.a Tout Le Monde Il En A Deux

  Valérie, a beautiful young girl, stays at and takes care of her cousin's house while he is away for six months. Her first she spends there with her girlfriend and suddenly members a mysterious sex cult barge in and kidnap Sophie, Valérie's girlfriend. Later, they find out that the cousin has incriminating footage of the cult  leader and that she wants to ruin his life. Valérie now has to put a stop to it...
  Jean Rollin is known for his unique style of exploitation and for his unique style of dramaticized erotica. This film belongs to the second genre and even though it is too raw for a normal film, it is not too sleazy and lewd to be porn. Either way, Rollin's poetic takes and angles make this film enjoyable to watch despite the taboo of its content.
  Joëlle Coeur, Marie-France Morel, Brigitte Borghese, Annie Belle and Agnès Lemercier. All beautiful in their own way, for a film such as this. It goes without saying that the acting is non existent and not even suitable for porn. It is something in between like friends making a parody video and you can tell that they know the look ridiculous while doing so!
Must watch this : if you don't watch this high, drunk or with your girlfriend, don't bother to watch it at all !
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070821/

Only these 3 bottles for us? Seems like it will be a quiet night

Who dares interrupt my hookah session?

Da fuck y'all mothafuckas lookin' at? That's my dress

Diary of a Nymphomaniac (1973) a.k.a Le Journal Intime D'Une Nymphomane

  A young girl, Linda, works at a bar as part of a lesbian duo show. One night she picks up Ortiz from the bar, seduces him to her room and proceeds to commit suicide right after calling the police. Ortiz is suddenly held responsible for her death. But dark secrets are about to unfold and Ortiz may not be so innocent after all...
  Jess Franco is one nasty motherfucker and he proves it anyway he can. 41 years before Lars von Trier, Franco gives us his own version of what a nympho is and the result really blows your mind. Dreamy photography as the camera idly and drunk swings among the delinquent characters in this poem of European sensual filth!
  Montserrat Prous plays the seductive Linda and Manuel Pereiro is the unlucky Ortiz who probably got what he deserved. Mixed up in this is also Ortiz's wife played by Jacqueline Laurent, a lesbian countess played by Anne Libert and Linda's partner Maria Toledano impersonated by Kali Hansa. All blend perfectly and make this movies the perverted masterpiece it is. As usual, most female actors are nude or semi-nude throughout the film, so prude douchebags and extreme feminists back off! This is for the open minded! 
Must watch this : right when summer starts making its first appearances. Set the mood with that saucy temptress, get a cocktail or just a beer and get high on this film, thinking of all the sex you are (not) going to have this summer. Daydream of how it would be to meet a nympho and how it would affect. Who knows, you might even get lucky!
Excerpt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069973/

You know this movie is gonna be good right from the start

He is behind me, isn't he?

And stay there until I bring your leash

The Sinful Dwarf (1973) a.k.a Dværgen

  Olaf and his mother are far more than your ordinary landlords; they run a white slavery ring and use some girls for their brothel in their basement. They also smuggle heroin to keep their victims dazed and confused. Peter and Mary, a young couple, have just checked in the boarding house of their nightmares...
  This the lowdown of real degradation. Vidal Raski's only film is a sinful trip to the underground of  European classiness, filled with forced prostitution, drug smuggle and abuse and lots of violence. Considered by many the finest example of Eurosleaze, this film is not for the fainthearted as it exceeds in sex, violence and extremely tense scenes. Check it out at your own risk!
  Hats off to Torben Bille for surpassing any taboos about his height and everything and truly giving a most frightful depiction of his character. It takes a lot of gut to star in a film that actually exploits your 'posture' to add to its cache, without respecting much either! Tony Eades and Anne Sparrow do a great job too, being the love couple that humps everywhere they can.
Must watch this : with a really short friend of yours so that you can make (benevolent) fun of their height. Accompany with herbal tea and chocolate cake on random cold night!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070696/ 

And here's where I keep my toys...

Don't do drugs

But, mooooom! She called me short!

 

A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973) a.k.a La nuit des étoiles filantes

  A girl arrives to France from London in order to be present at her dead father's will reading. She visits her long-lost relatives and just when she decided to stay with them, unusual things start to happen. She is tortured by strange visions and nightmares including lesbian love and satanic rituals with her a sacrifice. A big secret is about to be disclosed...
  Jess Franco in da house and he is about to fuck your brains out. Without protection! Straight from the abyssal depths of Franco's imagination, comes this fine piece of Eurosleaze and Eurohorror sexploitation. French mood in the air combined with spooky castle sets and acting from beyond the realms of reality! Yikes, I feel the chills even now!
  The usual Franco cast in new adventures for the not-easily-offended! Christina von Blanc as Christina (!), the young daughter of the deceased man. Britt Nichols, Rosa Palomar, Anne Libert gather up to complete the female cast and damn they are horrifyingly hot! Psycho Howard Vernon is the uncle you don't want to have as a relative but he is there, condemning your existence at family dinners!
Must watch this : with a girl and only the light from some lit red candles. You have to have sex after the film (it is Jess Franco so if you don't you disrespect him). Have the film playing again in mute, blast that unholly shit and go nuts!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066914/

Such lips!

I got 99 problems but money ain't one

Hey, I was watching you sleep. You sleep so hot!

Der Teufel in Miss Jonas (1976)

  A nymphomaniac is beheaded during a weird ritual and is sent to hell. There, she meets the devil and finds out that she came one day early to her new home. She is sent back to Earth once again but this time it is for one day, and she is out to have all the sex she can get.
  One could expect nothing less from a director such as Erwin C. Dietrich, the master of Eurosleaze. A story straight from a filthy novel, a cast straight from the depths of hell and lots of nude, the European style. Back in its time it was one of the first films to break the full frontal nudity censorship in cinema, so hats off for that. Apart from that historical achievement, the film boasts great sets and amazing photography, all giving it a more lyrical vibe.
  Christa Free is the notorious Miss Jonas and she is so good she can make you feel like you were one of her "victims" and "mistakes". Blending perfectly in the film's red and fiery environment, she is not get exposed. She is the nymphomaniac from hell!
Must watch this :  with a horny girl and a bottle of red wine on a rainy night. Then have sex under the sounds of the unholy Electric Wizard .
Excerpt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072270/

The high level jury of sexual hell

Lars von Trier my ass!

Miss Jonas please. You are getting my  papers wet

The Revenge of The Living Dead Girls (1987) a.k.a La Revanche Des Mortes Vivantes

  A small town's milk supply is contaminated with a deadly chemical causing the death of three girls. The chemical company responsible for the chemical tries to get rid of the waste and gives the job to a local guy who dumps it in the local cemetery. The chemical brings the three dead girls back to life and they are out for revenge!
  Pierre B. Reinhard, a master of French and European sleaze, directs this masterpiece often celebrated as the first French gore horror film. A story worth of the film's title, amazing sets, lots of nudity (it's a French film so it makes sense) and a bulk of well portrayed gore! It may seem too sleazy and cheap for a film of its genre but it certainly pays off. Plus, that cheap-looking European glowy color in the film's photography is over the top and brings another air in the zombie genre! Total decadence!
  Acting is not a huge deal here. Female actors are either nude, having sex or dead (hue hue!) while the male ones try to much to be the macho type. Surprisingly, the zombie women move quite good for zombies making realistic enough to set aside the negatives!
Must watch this : on a cold November night or on Halloween, with a glass of milk (get it?!). After the film, try and convince a girl friend to let you bury her in the woods and shoot photographs. Of course, she has to be naked!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091847/

Dead

Naked

Or trying to have sex!