The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)

  Detective Sherlock Holmes and his assistant, Doctor Watson, are assigned to a peculiar case ; a nobleman's life is threatened when he visits a property which will soon be inherited by him. The actual threat is an old legend that has a wild dog from hell roaming the grounds and killing all members of the Baskerville family...
  Hammer Films' prolific studios were suppliers of quality horror movies such as this throughout the 50's and the 60's. In this movie, the famous book by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is brought to life. Terence Fisher goes behind the wheel once again and brings us a pure vintage and classy mystery film that is hard not to like. In my humble opinion, it is unfortunate that horror films evolved into something so much different than these productions. I miss the storytelling and the visual effects and I miss getting scared by something other than just sudden sound effects!
  The combination of actors in this film couldn't fail even if they wanted to. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee have appeared in so many Hammer films together that it is almost impossible to see one and not think of the other. While they usually play rivaling characters, here Cushing is actually helping Lee stay alive and intact. André Morell follows and makes sure every clue is collected and Marla Landi is the mandatory female character in the story. And guess what; she is a tricker!
Must watch this : on a windy night. Turn off any lights in your house and light up a candle. Cook up a mushroom velvet soup and enjoy this fucker with a side drink of brandy.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052905/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Should we order pizza or chinese? Now, there's a question...

-What's that smell? - Not me

I told you, man. They be blazing it hard over here

Vertigo (1958)

  After an unfortunate case, San Francisco detective John Ferguson retires saddened and struck by intense acrophobia. An old friend contacts him in need of his help, as his wife is acting worryingly strange. Trying to find his old self, John Ferguson risks to lose what is left of his sanity with this new case...
  For some, Vertigo is Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece, the epitome of his masterful work. And rightly so, since this film is an on-going slow process through intense thrill shocks. Hitchcock manages to administer the perfect combination of post-film noir atmosphere, psychological thriller and mystery, all smartly given in the seemingly innocent form of a love story. We couldn't expect anything less from little Alfred, the master of playing with emotions...
  James Stewart is a genius; he manages to interact so much with the viewer that even a nimrod could understand his psychological breakdown inside. His anxious puppy eyes together with the shaky and inconfindent posture magnificently shows a man distress and on the verge of breaking down any minute now. That's why Kim Novak gets to appear so screen-dominant, giving more air to the whole vibe of "something does not feel right" with the ease of a femme fatale.
Must watch this : on a cold winter night, with a glass of hot mulled wine and a sweetheart for company.
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052357/

Did I turn off the cooker?

We changed the eyebrow game for good

Imma kill this bitch right now

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979) a.k.a Nosferatu : Phantom der Nacht

   Jonathan Harker, a young estate agent, is sent to Transylvania in order to settle a deal with Count Dracula who wants to buy a house in Wismar, where Jonathan lives. Despite all objections, Jonathan meets the Count and is in to find out his horrible nature...
  Werner Herzog may have just directed the best Dracula film ever to be made. This film is more than just an art house remake of the 1922 classic and definitely more raw than the 1992 contemporary classic. The atmosphere of the film is simply one of eeriest and gloomiest ones you'll ever feel in a horror film - it's like you know someone is following you behind the bushes - and the doom goes on and on and on until you are left with your mouth open.
  Oh glorious Klaus Kinski. Proving once again his undoubted talent, Kinski has the balls to play Nosferatu, The King of Vampyres, in a fashion that respects the original and brings a whole new essence to the character. Equally stunning is Bruno Ganz and Isabelle Adjan, who play the unfortunate couple that happens to be in the way of the creature of the night. Especially the last scenes where Bruno becomes dazed and Isabelle wanders the streets now filled with the plague are artistically awe-inspiring.
Must watch this :  on the rainiest night so far. Make a Bloody Mary, get covered with a blanket and enjoy this creeper while the storm outside plays a song of death and misery! Yikes!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079641/

30$ for that ride? Fuck it, I'll walk

Damn, you stupid? I'm trying to sleep here!

Ebola Ebola Ebola

The Wicker Man (1973)

  A policeman is sent via seaplane to a Scottish island where a young girl is supposed to be reported missing. The few people living on the island are more than unwilling to help him find the girl. When the pieces of the puzzle start falling together, the policeman will hope he had never set foot on the island...
   Robin Hardy had a great vision when he first wrote and directed this film. Even now, 41 years later, this director has not stopped working on this film's sequels so as to complete his so-dreamed of trilogy. Combining such thrilling themes as modern paganism and bloody pagan rites, the Wicker Man never lets the viewer drift off from the amazing mystery mood. An amazing soundtrack was written to accompany this "nature-loving, people-burning, orgy-organizing" film along its stony way. Too bad it was remade with Nicholas Cage starring in it!
  Edward Woodward is simply amazing and manages to portray vividly the anger, fury, anxiety and devotion of a strict police officer in a mouse-and-cat chase. Christopher Lee takes a different road than the one we have known him for and does his trick again; legend has it he never accepted any payment for his performance. And since it's a British film and it's the sexy 70's Britt Ekland, Diane Cilento and Ingrid Pitt could not be absent from this flesh feast!
Must watch this :  naked and au naturelle on a sunny spring afternoon preferably on the first of May. Watch it alone or with a female companion and of course the obligatory fruits, bread and wine in order to sacrifice on the Walpurgisnacht to please the gods of fertility.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070917/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Motherfuckers?! Did you start an orgy without me?

There there!

Clam down, ladies. There is enough for all!

Secret of the Red Orchid (1962) a.k.a Das Rätsel der Roten Orchidee

  Several wealthy Britons are being blackmailed all over Great Britain and two rival Chicago gangs are in the eye of the police. The gangs leave no trace behind them and so the difficult task is left to Scotland Yard's and F.B.I's finest, Inspector Weston and Captain Allerman...
  In yet another Edgar Wallace story, Helmut Ashley (a director known for his T.V work) does his best and provides a stunning result that can satisfy even the most demanding eye. Even though the story is not top-notch material, photography and directing give it a little push to stand on its own. Definitely not the best Wallace-based film but sure one you can easily enjoy.
  Adrian Hoven and Christopher Lee are the two investigators who are set out to find the extortioners and naturally Lee's appearance in the film guarantees quality acting. Klaus Kinski is once again morbidly entertaining with his unearthly look and adds up to Lee's figure and Marisa Mell takes it away with her stunning looks. Eddi Arent is the light-hearted one of the group and is absolutely humorous!
Must watch this :  invite the sophisticated girl from last night once again for another round of a sophisticated bohemian film noir night. Ask her to bring red wine with her. If she does, then prepare for a night of sophisticated seduction. If not, just enjoy the film anyway!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055391/

I would tap you if you weren't so skinny

Am I the only one around here who thinks we should bring strippers?

Yes! Because a coat brings swift agility for a night thief!

The Strange Countess (1961) a.k.a Die Seltsame Gräfin

   A young secretary is harassed by weird phone calls while a woman who was put to prison for poisoning is let free. The secretary, Margaret, is offered a lucrative position by Countess Moron but detective Mike Dorn is in charge of keeping her safe as the Scotland Yard has learned that somebody is out for her blood...
  One of the many novels by Edgar Wallace that was brought to life by German producers, The Strange Countess , directed by Josef von Báky, guarantees a high end noir thriller. Hitchcock-y at many points but presenting a much different classy European mood, this film creates an unbeatable atmosphere that surrounds the viewer and does not let go until the perpetrator is found. For fans of quality cinema!
  Each actor from the cast seems to have been carefully chosen for his part and that is obvious as each characters blends perfectly with the other, like a morbid dance of death and mystery.  Joachim Fuchsberger is the super detective, legendary Lil Dagover is the Countess, Brigitte Grothum is young and ever-fearing Margaret and of course Klaus Kinski in a surprise role! Eddi Arent in his classic role as the humorous relief is once again totally entertaining.
Must watch this : chose one of these nights that you don't have any plans with any of your friends. Invite a sophisticated girl, offer a glass of cognac and let the movie do its criminal thing!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055429/

Subtle advertising

That's right, babe. Bite it!

It will be like a haircut. Only different!

Planet of the Apes (1968)

  Three astronauts traveling through time and space crash land on what they think to be a new planet similar to the Earth. Soon, they realize that they are not the dominant species on this new found land and they have to face a race of apes with human intelligence who enslave and use the unintelligent humans as pets and lab rats...
  Franklin J. Schaffner puts his signature on one of the Sci-Fi's that changed the progress and history of the genre. Based on the novel by Pierre Boulle, Planet of the Apes may seem ultra exploitation and cheap at first glance but there is definitely more than meets the eye. Meddling with issues unknown for its times like human-animal codependency and relationships and of course the still not hot topic of protection the environment, this film manages to provide an intelligent Sci-Fi story with a ton of food for thought and over the top but still earthly special effects that will get you in the mood.
   Charlton Heston is simply enjoyable in his own unique way. Presenting a person fed up with humans and their miserable doings, Heston becomes a mature hero with a brain beyond his time, ready to take on new challenges in the universe. I personally see a fine allegory drawn as Heston being humanity on the verge of  change. Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter co-star but sadly not much can be said about their acting as they are in a suit.
Must watch this : with intelligent company and cold salad on a hot summer night. Take time to discuss the topics manifested on the film and feel like the highly intellectual being that you must. Wonder if we are indeed as intelligent as we think and cool off with that hairy mofo.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063442/

So, yeah I smoked the whole bowl!

Ape Police brutality

Fuck the police

Blood Beach (1980)

  Venice Beach, California. It's a hot summer and besides having to deal with all the tourists, the police are troubled with a recent series of disappearances and murders that happen on the beach. Nobody has any idea what is happening. Who are what is behind all this?
  In the mist of all the B (and even lower) movies, Blood Beach directed by Jeffrey Bloom (no wonder he never made more than 10 films) comes to fill up any voids there were in the theme of sea, beach and mystery. Being an ultra low-budget movie, Blood Beach lacks vastly in plot and effects. While the overall atmosphere tries to be ominous and thriller-y, the surrounding sets and effects just won't let it happen. If you got 85 minutes to waste, this is a good time waster.
  Surprisingly enough, the film boasts some high-class cult figures in its cast. Burt Young as a policeman who does not care much and his incomparable facial expression of cosmic boredom says it, John Saxon as the chief of police who is just too nervous, Marianna Hill and David Huffman. Sadly, besides Burt Young and John Saxon acts as if they were in a classic 80's soap opera so the level of emotional intensity goes that far. Had it been some other actors, maybe this film could have achieved a bigger cult status.
Must watch this : you don't miss out on anything if you don't watch this but if you have to watch it get a fatty cheeseburger and fries and have it playing in the background while you eat with your friends.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082083/

When the drugs don't work

Yes, tell me your story. I am all ears!

Motherfuckin' kids and their holes in the sand...

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

  Introvert and socially awkward detective Ichabod Crane is sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate the the murders of 3 people. All three were beheaded and during his stay there, the bodies start to pile up. Soon, Ichabod will find out that he is in the middle of a carefully planned assassination plan that has much darker motives than he ever thought...
  Tim Burton goes beyond all borders and directs probably the best pure horror movie of the 90's. Creating an eerie web of witchcraft and dark folklore and setting it in an atmosphere where grey is the lightest color, Burton manages to give you the creeps without using any cheap tricks. The amazing photography and carefully executed settings make the film more realistic and so believable.The gloomy mood of the film sets the bar high, takes you by the balls and drags you through its muddy forests.
  Johnny Depp ,sometimes, is more than the pretty boy that every girl loves. He has great talent when it comes to impersonating weird characters and he is the only one who could star in this film for sure. Christina Ricci and Miranda Richardson are equally good in their roles, giving amazingly heavy performances. Michael Gambon and Christopher Walken complete the cast for this masterpiece of modern goth horror film!
Must watch this : on a frightful night when outside there is heavy, unstoppable rain and strong wind. Dim the lights, lights some candles, make some Bloody Mary and enjoy this with your girlfriend in your arms. Let the weather combine with the movie and put you in its creepy mood.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162661/

I did it! I pleased her on her red days!

Hey man, why don't you gimme some of dat dope

What the first guy said ! I did it too!

Daughter of Dracula (1972) a.ka La Fille de Dracula

  Upon seeing her grandmother dying, Luisa is told of her family's curse ; they are all vampires. To settle her grief, Luisa decides to stay in the family estate with her uncle and her cousin. Soon she will find out that she can't run away from her family's curse...
  The old and tricky Jess Franco we all love strikes back! European finesse and glamor meets a classic horror story with a saucy and sexy twist. This film is highly atmospheric and trippy so be careful not to dive too deep in unknown waters. Gloomy castles, picturesque countryside and weird families with even more weird secrets. With proper amounts of carefully handled nudity and pinches of pure exploitation, this is another must-watch by the notorious Franco!
  Britt Nichols, Howard Vernon, Anne Libert and Alberto Dalbés. A classic Franco cast in classic combination. All great actors grasping the story and mood of the film by the balls and shoving heavily psychedelic drugs down its throat. Enjoy with caution.
Must watch this : with a clear mind at first but then be sure to do something that will cloud your senses and let your swim into the perverted lake of dreams that is Franco's films! Accompany with a company in an equal state of mind.
Preview
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068583/

I am a what...?

And there I was, man. Going down massively on this chick. And, then she bites my neck, man...

Let's make out by these tombs...Far-out!

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

  A brother and a sister drive home for spring break. On their way they encounter a number of strange incidents and they soon find themselves to be pursued by a weird man with a twisted sense of killing. What they don't know is that it's feeding time and dinner is to be served.
  It's horror movie time! Victor Salva, molded in this genre, directs this surprisingly good film. All the elements of new wave of American horror are here ; a place in the middle of nowhere, hillbillies, a "serial killer",poor judgement and cat ladies!!! The film's mood and tensity escalates nicely until the promising end (which could have been a lot better).
  Justin Long and Gina Philips are the brother and sister here. They are the main (and only actual) characters in this film but that does not mean anything about their acting. It's the usual all-American cast acting, no ups no downs. You wouldn't expect anything else but at least it works well.
Must watch this : watch it with a girl right before you go on a road trip. Record this on a tape and have it randomly playing along the way She will get the chills every time.
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0263488/ 

Your momma's pussy...

Oh, hey Johnnie. Here you are

Nope. It's Chuck Testa

Lake of the Dead (1958) a.k.a De Dødes Tjern

  A group of friends, all Oslo residents, visit another friend in his cabin deep in the Østerdal forests. But as soon as they arrive there, he seems to be missing and his dog is founds dead at a pond nearby. It is not long before they start fearing an old legend that has the forest and the lake haunted by the spirit of a man who killed his sister and her lover and then killed himself in the lake.
  Kåre Bergstrøm gives us this magnificent horror film straight from the country of Vikings and ice! Excellent use of a supposed legend ( I don't know if that legend exists) combined with the breathtaking settings in the Norwegian forests with impressive dialogues and a more impressive character build-up. This film has a unique atmosphere (you need to be relaxed to get into it) and guarantees a weird chill in your spine!
  André Bjerke, Bjørg Engh, Henki Kolstad and the rest of the cast are an absolute treat for they eye and the ear. They are actors from another universe, a more classy universe. Plus the Norwegian language gives it a different European finesse, a more deep-into-the-roots horror! A-must-see!
Must watch this : on a gloomy,rainy December morning with shut drapes, wrapped up in blankets with a cup of cappuccino in hand! After the film, explore the Norwegian folklore myths while listening to that shit ! 
Out-take 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051569/ 

A dozen whiskey bottles, weed, condoms...All right! We are all set

Am I that high or is there a man there?

Yikes

Mundo Depravados (1967)

  A number of murders take place in a health club with the working girls being the victims. Two not so bright detectives are assigned to the case and try everything to find the killer.
  Herb Jeffrie's one and only attempt as a director. This film actually does have a plot and it is not just for the nude voluptuous ladies (just kidding of course). It may be too simple for a plot but it is a plot. Stop hating! That's why it can stand out from the rest of the ocean of sleaze. But, don't be tricked by the title ; it has nothing to do as a mondo.
  The only actor deserving a few lines for this film is none either than the one and only Tempest Storm, and she is not even an actual actor. For those who don't know her, Tempest Storm is (well, not any more but she is still alive) a famous burlesque dancer of her times. She brings a fresh air of buxom to the film but that's about it. Nothing too special!
Must watch this : on a boring Sunday after your usual Saturday party when you just want to watch something meaningless with tits from another decade. Make yourself a cup of Ceylon tea and enjoy.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062008/

You gonna do what now?

"It's hard to find a killer with all those ladies around" "Damn right it is"

Imma dance that mothafucka down