The Astro-Zombies (1968)

  Dr. DeMarco conducts his morbid experiments secretly while attempting to create humanoids put together from various body parts with the ultimate goal of controlling them using his electronic devises.  When one if his creations escapes, it sets off on a killing spree and draws the attention of the F.B.I, the C.I.A and other agencies. While everyone is trying to stop him, the mad doctor puts every effort in fulfilling his goal...
  Given the fact that Ted V. Mikels directed this one, it does not strike as a surprise to anyone who watches this film as to why this film is like that. Don't get me wrong, though. This film has every little aspect that guarantees a Z-rate cult film success and that is pretty much everything in small doses. Little bit of Science-Fiction,a little bit of Gore, a pinch of Spy/Mystery adventure and if you add to that a strong essence of Psychedelia then you get AstroZombies. Sadly, the film lacks a strong amount of any of its aforementioned elements to reciprocate for plotholes and a absurd storyline. But even so, AstroZombies does not get crappy enough to be labeled as "Must not watch this". You just need enough psychoactive substances, I guess...
  To be honest, that main thing that draw my attention to this flick (and I am guessing most people's out there) is the fact that Tura Satana has a role in it. Plus, the fact that it is one of the last films that Wendell Corey appears in. For those that don't know, Tura Satana played the iconic role in Faster! Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Corey had a long career in both cinema and television. John Carradine (another well-respected actor with a long career) plays the mad scientist and it makes sense that the plot revolves around him too. Additional roles by Tom Pace and Joan Patrick. Thumbs up for the humanoid and the original poster artwork. They really had me there!
Must watch this : strictly for the thrill of it! I mean, come on, it has everything you need to fill a good 92 minutes. Enough action to not let you get bored, enough psychedelic dancing (?) and goodlooking ladies and enough fake science theories and gore. Just make sure there is enough cider in the fridge to go with the flick. Sour and sparkly as they are both.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064048/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

When you eyelash game is on point *SLAY*

Bang, Bang. She shot me down!

If I keep starring at it then maybe I may seem more convincing

Forbidden Planet (1956)

  A spaceship lands on a planet with the mission to rescue and secure the well-being of a human colony sent there years ago. Upon arrival, they find out that the sole survivors is a scientist,his daughter and a very clever robot that managed to survive against all monsters. The scientist's secret will soon shock everyone on board...
  Ah the 50's. Back when chubby and curvy was still sexy, Sci-Fi was still pure and raw. The progress of this film's story is truly breathtaking and stunningly smart and while it appears as naive and family-fun, it is downright radical. Fred M. Wilcox combines the beloved issue of extraterrestrial life and the basic learnings of Freud's science and what comes out is an endings that you definitely won't see coming.
   Watching this film, I swear I didn't get the slightest hunch that Leslie Nielsen had the major role! It may have been that I am used to seeing him in hid own unique comedies! Nevertheless, he is quite nice as the all-American hero who gets the girl (of course), Anne Francis. It wasn't that difficult ,if you ask me, since her father, the malicious Walter Pidgeon had her all locked up and protected. My personal favorite, though, was the cook, Earl Holliman, who managed to befriend a robot that steadily supplied him with his cherished alcohol!
Must watch this : getting high would help although it is not necessary. I would suggest some deep fried French fries, a couple of strong beers and a joint for the dessert.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049223/

Those curves though

Inter-galactic nudity?! Hell, yeah!

Listen, I am going to be a comedian. OK, Dad?

Hellboy (2004)

  The story of a red humanoid demon conjured by a secret Nazi group but raised from infant by an American professor. Hellboy, as he was named, is trained and devoted to confronting the forces of evil that threaten our world. When Rasputin, the man who conjured him, comes back to bring the end of the world, Hellboy must act quickly...
  When you see Guillermo del Toro's name signed in a film like that then you should be sure that this film is going to be very good. With much less mambo jumbo than the average Marvel comics film, Hellboy manages to pay a very iconic tribute to the well-known hero and elevate his status to a new-found glory. For 2004, the film has very complicated special effects but not so elaborate to make it a kitsch special effects film!
  Ron Perlman deserves a "Job well done" from all comic hero fans from all over the world. His face is like it was destined to someday play Hellboy (with the mandatory make-up of course). John Hurt and Selma Blair react very well around Perlman as his step-dad and love thing, respectively. Rupert Evans gets in the way as a nanny, Doug Jones knows just about everything and Karel Roden is Rasputin. Nuff said!
Must watch this : go to the nearest tobacco and cigar shop and get yourself a big-ass cigar. After you have prepared a manly dinner (take-out or steak are the only two respectable options here), enjoy this movie accordingly.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167190/?ref_=nv_sr_2

I am just not getting paid enough

Why is always me to get dirty?

Now what am I supposed to do?

Flesh Gordon Meets The Cosmic Cheerleaders (1989)

  Flesh Gordon is abducted by a group of cheerleaders who want him to help them with a problem ; their planet is polluted by radiation that  makes their men impotent. Evil Presence is responsible for all these and has an evil master plan. Can Flesh Gordon help in any way?
  Hands down the worst film I have ever seen! Take it each way you want ; by means of story, special effects,plot, acting this film sucks major ass! Director Howard Ziehm's career ended with that film and it goes without saying that it was necessary. Poor but imaginative scatological humor, an ocean of sex jokes and tons of tits and ass are what this film is all about. Come to think about it, it is not that bad after all!
  I shall save the lines that I would spare for the actors (I don't think they deserve any) and I will make fun of certain ridiculous moments in the film. A spaceship running on chicken energy, a "cockball" game (or whatever), the ridiculous names and everything (Dr.Jerkof, Robunda Hooters), a chicken smoking a cigarette, the Mammary Mountains...Fuck my brain is dead already.
Must watch this : DO NOT WATCH THIS! But if your mind is as sick as mine watch it just for the fun on a random boring afternoon with a cappuccino. A film is never bad when there are naked ladies in it! Come back to your senses with that twerk-inducing shit !
Trailer in German
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097365/

Galactic Orgy

This band is shit

The only he got from the shooting of this film

The Horror of Frankenstein (1970)

  The story of young scientist Victor Frankenstein whose passion with anatomy led him to perform abnormal experiments. Collecting spare parts from dead bodies and using the powers of electricity, Frankenstein aims to be able to give life to what is already dead. And he finally, succeeds....
  Times were a-changing and so Frankenstein had to do! Directed by Jimmy Sangster, this film had nothing to do with the previous and following of the series, starring Peter Cushing. In an attempted fresh new start, Frankenstein is young, mean and totally self-oriented while the film is much more cult than the rest from Hammer studios. The monster could have been better but no hard feelings since the atmosphere is satisfying. More sex, more gore and more exploitation. This film may have been the start of a change for Hammer Studios!
  Ralph Bates manages to stand very well in the shoes of his predecessor and while his character deserves some love in the end, he manages to portray a ruthless, sadistic figure who kills everyone that stand in his way. Veronica Carlson is sadly in love with him, not seeing the monster he really is and Graham James is his friend and colleague until he was no longer needed. Surprise appearance by Dennis Price and voluptuous Kate O'Mara who steals any scene she is in.
Must watch this : on the last day of summer when you feel the weather changing and the cold of winter coming in the distance. Make a hefty cup of Earl Grey tea and enjoy this film like a cold-hearted Briton !
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065851/

Not even the  lemon drops in my eyes seem to work

It's gonna bust

It's all you, bro! You can lift it!

Invasion of Astro-Monster (1965)

  A spaceship carrying two astronauts lands on Planet X which is near Jupiter. There the two astronauts discover that the planet is inhabited by the Xians who officially ask help from planet Earth to destroy the monster, King Ghidorah. Godzilla and Rodan are captured and sent to Planet X to aid them in their fight but little do humans know that they have just fallen into a trap...
  A fascinating entry in the story of Godzilla and his monster friends. Directed by Ishirô Honda, this film combines all the elements of a classic successful KaiJu film. The basic storyline of the film may be too progressive (aliens invading Earth etc.) but all the beautiful monsters work their way out. There's not a chance you can't fall in love with the special effects which however non-realistic show a great talent. And of course, don't miss Godzilla's busting into a gleeful dance when he defeats Ghidorah.
  Akira Takarada as Fuji may be too rough with his sister but he also has to save the entire planet together with his partner Nick Adams as Glenn. Akira Kubo saves the world by mistake when he can't even defend his love with Keiko Sawai, Fuji's sister. It is interesting how little drops of drama can work out so well with a heavy Sci-Fi story like that but hey, this is cinema after all!
Must watch this : lightly drunk on sake will do the trick. Remember to accompany with noodles or sushi (choice is yours) and friends who won't laugh too hard with the film's special effects!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059346/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Oh, yeah! We are gettin' high indeed

Flying monsters with electric beams! Welcome to Japan fantasy

Hahahaha, it tickles there. Stop!

Kiss Me Quick (1964)

  Sterilox, an alien from a distant planet comes as an ambassador on Earth in order to find and bring back females with which his people can breed. Dr. Breedlove hosts him and treats him with a series of sexy dancing girl robots...
  Don't expect anything serious at all but what you are indeed expecting you will get. Bearing in mind that the genre's standards are extremely low, Peter Perry Jr. creates an unexpectedly funny nudie film filled with nude girls, monsters and tons of cheesy exploitation. The set is no more than a room filled with fake scientific machinery but that adds more than takes out from the film's atmosphere. A fine choice for laughs and easy-passing time!
  Max Gardens, Frank A. Coe and all the female cast have an sum amount of acting skill less than that of 10-year-old kid with stage fright but still the work is done. It must be that the girls are supposed to be all strippers that this film turned out well, an important factor that one should never undermine! Strippers never fail!
Must watch this : again let's remind not to take this film seriously. Thus, one should create a lovely banquet of club sandwich, french fries, dips and cheap soda drinks, invite over his mates and have a fascinating time staring at boobies for 67 minutes!
Best Trailer Ever
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058264/

What better place to chill half-naked than a lab

Daaayum, look at that hair, Jamica

Idly swingin'

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

   Humans have mastered a massive destruction weapon that threats the entire universe. In order to stop them, intelligent alien humanoids resurrect the dead from their graves as zombies, ghouls and vampires and placing them under their command they make sure the weapon is stopped...
  Carrying the heavy title of the worst film ever made, Plan 9 is a kick in the nuts of any puritan cinema enthusiast out there. Mixing different elements from different genres of cinema but not in the most tasteful way, this flick will certainly leave you with a wondering open mouth for its whole part. Hats off to director Ed Wood, who was not a talented man at all but, since he managed to get this thing produced, he sure was a very determined one.
  Bela Lugosi died way before this film was completed but obviously he managed to crack his way in. Also starring, Maila Nurmi (a.k.a Vampira), heavyweight Tor Johnson, Dudley Manlove as an alien, The Amazing Criswell as himself and many others for whom it was the only film they played in. This movie must have been like the horror equivalent of today's Expendables with each actor (besides Lugosi) being more self-sarcastic than the other!
Must watch this :  definitely watch this no matter what. You can actually smell the filth and rotting essence of the film. Gather up 1-2 open-minded friends and watch this on a random weekday. Look out for the abstract message of the film. I found out for me it's that anything is possible ; if aliens can resurrect people as vampires than I sure can do anything I want!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052077/

Seriously, I don't even actually play in this movie

High beyond any level of high

Stop! This is the fashion police! You are under arrest!

It! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958)

  A rescue expedition is sent to Mars where a previous expedition was covered in blood ; the only survivor is believed to have murdered all his partners but he states that they were actually attacked by some sort of an alien humanoid. Everyone seems to take the survivor for a lunatic killer until the a weird humanoid makes its appearance...
  Edward L. Cahn was a prolific director in his time and a true representative of the 50's film industry. Though this film does not set any new record or boundary within the genre of Sci-Fi, that does not mean that it is not an enjoyable 70-minute long excuse to relax and let your fantasy travel you. It is a fact that the monster could and should have been much better but in the end that is why we love this cheap and true approach to the alien issue by these people 60 years ago!
  Marshall Thompson is the sole survivor and the one who is charged with murder. He seems to take all this pressure too lightly, especially from douchebags like Robert Bice and Paul Langton who give him a hard time about his story. In the end, truth solves the mystery and Thompson get all the ladies and the credit of killing It, played by Ray Corrigan! A classic American plot twist.
Must watch this :  on a rainy, lazy Sunday after a big barbeque. Get your spoon and your 10kg bowl of ice cream and get lost in the universe of strawberry syrup with chocolate monsters and vanilla aliens!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051786/

Far out, bro!

Shit, man! Move faster!

Calm down, bitches! Imma drop the bass right now

Horror Hospital (1973)

  When Jason Jones' attempts to make it big in the music scene fail miserably, he decides to let off some steam at a "health farm" named Brittlehurst Manor. On his way there, he meets beautiful Judy who is travelling to the same place and together they will start finding out that Brittlehurst Manor is a lot more sinister than just a holiday farm...
  British exploitation master Antony Balch directed only a few films but his work in the underground cinema field was of much greater importance. Within his directing work, Horror Hospital seems to be the most cult. Grasping the 70's groovy mood by the balls and injecting numerous milligrams of horror exploitation and Sci-Fi madness, Balch delivers an outrageous mix of adventure and fiction horror that few thinking people won't like!
  Robin Askwith plays the easy-groovin' hipster of the 70's whose chance to be a pop star was blown but he just does not give up and like the stupid hipster that he is he goes to the most evil place he could find. Vanessa Shaw is the same-minded minx that follows him on the adventure of escaping the evil mastermind Dr. Storm, vividly played by Michael Gough. A fully functional cast for a story worth it!
Must watch this : with a bowl of supreme dirty skunk straight from the streets of dirty London and whole bags of the best worst junk order-out food you can find in England. You must watch this within U.K borders in order to feel its atmosphere fully!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070190/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

So, yes basically we play a mix of experimental, dark-psych pop metal thing

Arrest this motherfucker for being too poser

Never bring an axe to a gun fight!

Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

  A small fishing village is getting harassed by what seems to be a group of unidentified underwater creatures. People get killed, women get raped but still nothing can been done to stop them. What are these creatures? Are they human or fish? Who is going to survive their claws?
  What seems to be totally worthless of any attention turns out to be an amusing horror film. Directed by Barbara Peeters, Humanoids easily pick up the story where Creature from the Black Lagoon leaves it and works perfectly as a prequel. Setting a very good atmosphere. this film exploits the horrifying subject of an underwater mutant and adds the right doses of nudity, gore and cheap but believable special effects. A classic for a good 80's film of the kind.
  One should not expect much from the acting in this film but one surely gets what he paid for. Classic American style of acting without any glitches but shiny and ethical in just the right spots. So, meet Doug McClure, Ann Turkel, Vic Morrow and Lynn Theel who make this sleazy film reality. I personally liked the girl in the tent but (surprise) her role was not long enough!
Must watch this :  this is a classic good-time horror Sci-Fi film that has to be watched with friends. Alone will do too but friends always make it better. Gather up, cook dishes with tuna fish (heh), sprinkle with cheap beer and enjoy this film with a salty taste in your mouth. Remember, salty is the taste of blood!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080904/

Sick tunes, bro.

A.C.A.B

Last one to the top is a pussy!

Planet of the Apes (1968)

  Three astronauts traveling through time and space crash land on what they think to be a new planet similar to the Earth. Soon, they realize that they are not the dominant species on this new found land and they have to face a race of apes with human intelligence who enslave and use the unintelligent humans as pets and lab rats...
  Franklin J. Schaffner puts his signature on one of the Sci-Fi's that changed the progress and history of the genre. Based on the novel by Pierre Boulle, Planet of the Apes may seem ultra exploitation and cheap at first glance but there is definitely more than meets the eye. Meddling with issues unknown for its times like human-animal codependency and relationships and of course the still not hot topic of protection the environment, this film manages to provide an intelligent Sci-Fi story with a ton of food for thought and over the top but still earthly special effects that will get you in the mood.
   Charlton Heston is simply enjoyable in his own unique way. Presenting a person fed up with humans and their miserable doings, Heston becomes a mature hero with a brain beyond his time, ready to take on new challenges in the universe. I personally see a fine allegory drawn as Heston being humanity on the verge of  change. Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter co-star but sadly not much can be said about their acting as they are in a suit.
Must watch this : with intelligent company and cold salad on a hot summer night. Take time to discuss the topics manifested on the film and feel like the highly intellectual being that you must. Wonder if we are indeed as intelligent as we think and cool off with that hairy mofo.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063442/

So, yeah I smoked the whole bowl!

Ape Police brutality

Fuck the police

Blood Beach (1980)

  Venice Beach, California. It's a hot summer and besides having to deal with all the tourists, the police are troubled with a recent series of disappearances and murders that happen on the beach. Nobody has any idea what is happening. Who are what is behind all this?
  In the mist of all the B (and even lower) movies, Blood Beach directed by Jeffrey Bloom (no wonder he never made more than 10 films) comes to fill up any voids there were in the theme of sea, beach and mystery. Being an ultra low-budget movie, Blood Beach lacks vastly in plot and effects. While the overall atmosphere tries to be ominous and thriller-y, the surrounding sets and effects just won't let it happen. If you got 85 minutes to waste, this is a good time waster.
  Surprisingly enough, the film boasts some high-class cult figures in its cast. Burt Young as a policeman who does not care much and his incomparable facial expression of cosmic boredom says it, John Saxon as the chief of police who is just too nervous, Marianna Hill and David Huffman. Sadly, besides Burt Young and John Saxon acts as if they were in a classic 80's soap opera so the level of emotional intensity goes that far. Had it been some other actors, maybe this film could have achieved a bigger cult status.
Must watch this : you don't miss out on anything if you don't watch this but if you have to watch it get a fatty cheeseburger and fries and have it playing in the background while you eat with your friends.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082083/

When the drugs don't work

Yes, tell me your story. I am all ears!

Motherfuckin' kids and their holes in the sand...