The Astro-Zombies (1968)

  Dr. DeMarco conducts his morbid experiments secretly while attempting to create humanoids put together from various body parts with the ultimate goal of controlling them using his electronic devises.  When one if his creations escapes, it sets off on a killing spree and draws the attention of the F.B.I, the C.I.A and other agencies. While everyone is trying to stop him, the mad doctor puts every effort in fulfilling his goal...
  Given the fact that Ted V. Mikels directed this one, it does not strike as a surprise to anyone who watches this film as to why this film is like that. Don't get me wrong, though. This film has every little aspect that guarantees a Z-rate cult film success and that is pretty much everything in small doses. Little bit of Science-Fiction,a little bit of Gore, a pinch of Spy/Mystery adventure and if you add to that a strong essence of Psychedelia then you get AstroZombies. Sadly, the film lacks a strong amount of any of its aforementioned elements to reciprocate for plotholes and a absurd storyline. But even so, AstroZombies does not get crappy enough to be labeled as "Must not watch this". You just need enough psychoactive substances, I guess...
  To be honest, that main thing that draw my attention to this flick (and I am guessing most people's out there) is the fact that Tura Satana has a role in it. Plus, the fact that it is one of the last films that Wendell Corey appears in. For those that don't know, Tura Satana played the iconic role in Faster! Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Corey had a long career in both cinema and television. John Carradine (another well-respected actor with a long career) plays the mad scientist and it makes sense that the plot revolves around him too. Additional roles by Tom Pace and Joan Patrick. Thumbs up for the humanoid and the original poster artwork. They really had me there!
Must watch this : strictly for the thrill of it! I mean, come on, it has everything you need to fill a good 92 minutes. Enough action to not let you get bored, enough psychedelic dancing (?) and goodlooking ladies and enough fake science theories and gore. Just make sure there is enough cider in the fridge to go with the flick. Sour and sparkly as they are both.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064048/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

When you eyelash game is on point *SLAY*

Bang, Bang. She shot me down!

If I keep starring at it then maybe I may seem more convincing

Blood Feast (1963)

  Suburban Miami during the 60's. An elegant lady is organizing a celebratory feast and decides to ask the help of a local, highly recommended caterer. Only this is no ordinary caterer and he will do anything to collec the body parts he needs in order to wake an ancient Egyptian goddess back to life...
  Man, how do I love these films?! When everyone sees just another ultra low fidelity, super cheap and sleazy shitty film, I see a revolution. An involuntary one, to be exact. Sure, this is another one of those cheap films that geeks only watch, but see how easily Herschell Gordon Lewis spits in the eye of the politically correct society and demeanor of his times. See how breezily he does not try to convince you of his artistic talent but rather grab you by the hair and drag you down the path that is Z-grade cinema, free of pretention, art for art. And when art is done for art, you know it has absolutely no meaning!
  Mal Arnold is the sick caterer with the dark motives, Connie Mason is the little innocent sacrificial (sic) lamb (and boy how soft her flesh looks), Lyn Bolton is her mother who unbeknown to her  has let the Egyptian slayer in their house and William Kerwin is the man who can put an end to it all! No tricks here, what you see is what you get. Raw acting or even raw absence of acting but the feeling is right. Downright filthy, straigt-edge cult! Dig in!
Must watch this : extra large portion of lamb chops, a big bowl of lettuce on the side (you gotta get those fibers,baby!) and a glass of brandy. You are going to need that taste of blood in your mouth while watching this gem!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056875/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Gee! You are a real butcher...with your prices!

When you wrap some meat up for a meat roll-up. Mmmmm!

But, baby! I just could not resist that ass!

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

  A former priest who lost his faith and his two children are touring through the desert. Seth and Richard, two brother criminals hold them hostage. Luck brings them to a titty house/bar in the desert with shady costumers to pass the night. But passing the night there is surprisingly hard...
  Robert Rodriguez, Tarantino's sidekick is another Z-movie freak and he was one of the people that helped revive the genre and make mainstream audiences see a more cult aspect in them. Rodriguez with an almost amateur-like love for movies like that, directs this film like any proper fan would and that makes it way more amusing as a film. Intense dialogues (I suspect Tarantino's hand), vampires, strip bars, bikers, guns, ladies and a soundtrack as hot as the desert!
  However cheesy the story, I really like watching actors of high value in these films. It reminds somehow that cinema was started as a means of entertainment, no matter how "quality" or not. Tarantino plays the psycho criminal with a thing for legs (touche) and Clooney is his more logical brother who usually clams him down. Harvey Keitel wil reagain his faith in the most unusual place and Juliette Lewis will make Tarantino crazy! Crazy credits : Salma Hayek with her breathtaking dance, Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Tom Savini and Fred Williamson. Try to guess where they dug them out from!
Must watch this : on a hot summer day. Eggs and bakey will do the trick. Accompany with a good ol' can of Monster energy drink and cheap cigarettes. The taste of desert vampires in your mouth!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116367/?ref_=nv_sr_2

So, yeah! I really like your toes!

Casual Saturday night out

Bitches to my left and bitches to my right!

Blacula (1972)

  Mamuwalde, an African prince in ancient times, gets bitten by Lord Dracula and turns into a vampire. After his deep slumber, Mamuwalde wakes up 70's Los Angeles ans spreads funky fear and horror as Blacula...
  Love or hate blaxploitation, you gotta to admit these guys had some serious sense of humor. Every 60s-70s famous film you think of, you can find its blaxploitation doppelganger. And you just can't but laugh at the wordplay of the original titles. I mean, Blacula? Who ever came up with that. All jokes aside though, director William Crain's only film is considered a blaxploitation classic as well as a comedy horror milestone. So, don't get too judgemental while watching it.
   Blacula is played by William Marshall who is not your average low quality actor but a very dynamic personality instead! And since this is a blaxploitation film, you get to see all of these black vampire mamas,
Vonetta McGee and Denise Nicholas. Lastly, for all you Sci-Fi freaks out there, you may even recognize Thalmus Rasulala only without the uniform.
Must watch this : get a motherfuckin' big bucket of supreme K.F.C, a proper manly volume of Pepsi Twist and your super-pumped vaporizer with Vaponaute flavor! Now that's cult, ladies and gentlemen!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068284/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

When bae knows how to shake that

When you remember that ass

POV angle when you walk with a hot girl in a club

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)

  Detective Sherlock Holmes and his assistant, Doctor Watson, are assigned to a peculiar case ; a nobleman's life is threatened when he visits a property which will soon be inherited by him. The actual threat is an old legend that has a wild dog from hell roaming the grounds and killing all members of the Baskerville family...
  Hammer Films' prolific studios were suppliers of quality horror movies such as this throughout the 50's and the 60's. In this movie, the famous book by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is brought to life. Terence Fisher goes behind the wheel once again and brings us a pure vintage and classy mystery film that is hard not to like. In my humble opinion, it is unfortunate that horror films evolved into something so much different than these productions. I miss the storytelling and the visual effects and I miss getting scared by something other than just sudden sound effects!
  The combination of actors in this film couldn't fail even if they wanted to. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee have appeared in so many Hammer films together that it is almost impossible to see one and not think of the other. While they usually play rivaling characters, here Cushing is actually helping Lee stay alive and intact. André Morell follows and makes sure every clue is collected and Marla Landi is the mandatory female character in the story. And guess what; she is a tricker!
Must watch this : on a windy night. Turn off any lights in your house and light up a candle. Cook up a mushroom velvet soup and enjoy this fucker with a side drink of brandy.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052905/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Should we order pizza or chinese? Now, there's a question...

-What's that smell? - Not me

I told you, man. They be blazing it hard over here

Santo Attacks the Witches (1968) a.k.a Atacan Las Brujas

  An evil witch and her young witch disciples have set up their own evil cult. They make plans of bringing demons and malicious spirits in the dimension of Earth. There is only man who can stop them and that is Santo...
  Santo's persona my have roughly appeared in more than 50 films. Ain't that something?! And for the better part of those 50 films, they are still so rare they are like pirate's gold. José Díaz Morales, a very notable Mexican director, directs this piece of art in which Santo deals with a cult of sexy witches and beats some hefty amount of ass. The amount of cult-ness in this film is way too much and many people may not stand it ; witchcraft, female cults and satanic rites, demons, wrestling, a masked avenger and insane dialogues. This one is only for those sic-cult in heart!
  Santo kept the mystery of his persona very well as he almost never appeared without his iconic silver lucha libre mask.At first it may seem idiotic to watch a masked man doing everyday chores and flirting with girls but if you bear in mind that it is what it is then you start to enjoy it. And since every macho man needs to be surrounded by foxy ladies, Lorena Velázquez and María Eugenia San Martín step in.
Must watch this : like a true Mexican hombre, roll up a nasty chimichanga, sit down and sip down some tequila. Try to avoid the worm!
Just a Taste
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057858/

Surprise dick!

Beefcake!

Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

  Ricky and his extremely shy cousin Angela are sent to a summer camp. Angela is pretty isolated and things get worse when the camp is being terrorized by a series of extremely violent and shocking murders. Who is thirsty for such blood?
  For some reason, this film received a big cult status back in its time. It's a classic 80's slasher thriller but many of the necessary elements of the genre are missing. For a slasher, there is not enough fake blood while there are some smart murders. Also, there is no nudity which was a must in the 80's but I guess it's better that way since the actors are teenagers. For Robert Hiltzik, it must have been a lifelong dream so even for that it deserved your attention.
  Rightfully, all the characters have something about them that is so strange and sleazy that you know it's only the 80's. From Mike Kellin, the camp owner, to Karen Fields, the camp slut, and from Katherine Kamh, another camp slut, to Robert Earl Jones, at least this film boasts some interesting cast. Oh, yes and of course the main actors Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten and Christopher Collet.
Must watch this : on hot summer night with your date and some smokey sausages. By the end of the film, recreate the ending scene and thank me later!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086320/

Faster please. I gotta wax!

Ultra manly

Gotta scratch my back...

The Man and the Monster (1959) a.k.a El hombre y el monstruo

  The former greatest pianist in the world is now training a very talented young girl who is about to give her first big performance. When a reporter wants to pry in their story, terrible things start to happen. The piano teacher may be hiding some very dark secrets...
  Damn, this is as good as it gets. I mean what storyline can beat a classic Mexican horror film like this?! Prolific director Rafael Baledón puts the cheese in super-cheesy and brings forth a hmm-masterpiece. I really loved the cheap but meaningful sequences and the transformation scenes (a treat for the eyes). If I got scared ? No, not in any case but on the other hand this is not the point of the film. Would I solemnly recommend it? Yeah, if you got the balls for it! Not everyone is ready for such amount of Z-movie cult essence...
  All the actors do the best they can but at times it's not enough. Not because of them but because of the cheap character of the overall result. And not anyone can deal with such a script. I mean, the film bounces from thrilling horror spooks to sentimental monologues in a split of a second (?!) leaving the actors to travel back and forth in feelings. Kudos to Enrique Rambal, Abel Salazar, Martha Roth and Ofelia Guilmáin.
Must watch this :  when you are almost in a mood for comedy but not so gleeful. This film falls right in that blank. Make chilli con carne, get a Desperados and chill!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051731/

I read your diary. So gay...

I am all about that hair, 'bout that hair, 'bout that hair

Take a sneak peak of dat ass

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979) a.k.a Nosferatu : Phantom der Nacht

   Jonathan Harker, a young estate agent, is sent to Transylvania in order to settle a deal with Count Dracula who wants to buy a house in Wismar, where Jonathan lives. Despite all objections, Jonathan meets the Count and is in to find out his horrible nature...
  Werner Herzog may have just directed the best Dracula film ever to be made. This film is more than just an art house remake of the 1922 classic and definitely more raw than the 1992 contemporary classic. The atmosphere of the film is simply one of eeriest and gloomiest ones you'll ever feel in a horror film - it's like you know someone is following you behind the bushes - and the doom goes on and on and on until you are left with your mouth open.
  Oh glorious Klaus Kinski. Proving once again his undoubted talent, Kinski has the balls to play Nosferatu, The King of Vampyres, in a fashion that respects the original and brings a whole new essence to the character. Equally stunning is Bruno Ganz and Isabelle Adjan, who play the unfortunate couple that happens to be in the way of the creature of the night. Especially the last scenes where Bruno becomes dazed and Isabelle wanders the streets now filled with the plague are artistically awe-inspiring.
Must watch this :  on the rainiest night so far. Make a Bloody Mary, get covered with a blanket and enjoy this creeper while the storm outside plays a song of death and misery! Yikes!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079641/

30$ for that ride? Fuck it, I'll walk

Damn, you stupid? I'm trying to sleep here!

Ebola Ebola Ebola

White Dog (1982)

  A young actress finds a stray white dog and decides to take it home. The dog saves the girl's life when a burglar attempts to rape her but continues to show a violent behavior on different occasions. In an attempt to train the dog, the girl finds out that this is a "white dog", trained to attack and kill black people...
  Sam Fuller takes a seemingly exploitation story and turns it dead serious. At first glance, this film is another 80's thriller with no special acting or directing or anything. And that is mostly true about that film except for it's intelligent plot and story. As the story escalates the more we dive into an upsetting live of thought that easily could bother our times too ; is racism taught or born with, and if it's taught can we really un-teach it?
  Kristy McNichol plays the young and innocent Julie who loves her racist dog too much to put him to sleep so Paul Winfield gets the difficult task of training to dog back to being normal and he almost succeeds in it. Legendary Burl Ives also appears as the master trainer who knew too well was going to happen.
Must watch this : with your pretentious politically aware and awakened friends. Watch this film and then let it stir conversations over it's hot topic. Amuse yourself on how people tend to not know what they are talking about watch the conversation go round and round without anyone saying anything meaningful.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084899/

I will prescribe a shot of Niggathin in the dog and then we will see

Don't worry. He attacked cos you are black. Wait, sorry...what?

Damn, nigga. Get a manicure!

Dark Shadows (2012)

  Barnabas Collins, an imprisoned vampire doomed to eternal life, is woken up after a 200-year sleep.  He returns to what his family's house only to find his descendants having dishonored the family name. Trying to set things right, he meets again the woman that cursed him and she once more tries to stop him from finding true love...
  Tim Burton revives a long forgotten television series by the same name that made it big between 1966 and 1971. Being the amazing storyteller that he is, it must have been a piece of cake for Burton to direct this and this is meant both good and bad. For one thing, Dark Shadows is a fun gothicee film with all the right touiches of cult references and a cool soundtrack but at some points it gets too Hollywood even for Burton. Still though, it surely won't make you feel you lost your time!
  Where there's Burton, there's always a hint of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter and this film is no exception. Depp stars as the dusty vampire trying to settle in the confusing present, Bella Heathcote plays the girl who will make him fall in love again but Eva Green has other plans for that. Helena Bonham Carter, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz (dayum) and Gulliver McGrath fill up the rest of the seats on this crazy train!
Must watch this : you should have watched it in the cinema theaters. But if you lost that chance, you can still watch it on DVD on the first rainy days of autumn with a cup of herbal tea or Glühwein.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1077368/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Boo, you whore!

That's so fuckin' deep man

Fresh meat

Razorback (1984)

  A gigantic wild boar terrorizes the Australian outback. An old man whose grandson was killed by the boar devotes the rest of his life in finding and killing it. When an American activist journalist gets killed by the boar, her husband will team up with the old man in order to kill it...
  Russel Mulcahy before he gave life to the Highlander, worked on this little gem right here. This film is a grabber from the start ; it starts good, follows up good and stays this way to the end. And rightly so. I mean, how can any movie fail if it has all the essentials in it? Huge-ass monsters? Check. An haunting background environment? Check. Psychotic characters? Check. Hot Australian babes? Only one but she sure is a treat!
  Bill Kerr is the real protagonist here, if you ask me. His menace and passion to clear his name and revenge his grandson are lyrical and so is his death. Gregory Harrison, on the other hand, is too gay to survive in the Australian desert. But, surprise surprise he stays alive and manages to slay the boar and the two lunatics, Chris Haywood and Arkie Whiteley. And he gets the girl, Arkie Whiteley, just days after his wife gets killed. Where's your grief, asshole?
Must watch this : try to find some kangaroo meat (all the Australians skip this) and barbeque the shit out of the fucker no matter how hard your vegetarian friends protest. Get a six pack of Bundaberg Ginger Beers and enjoy this film like a true Australian hillbilly with your friends.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087981/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Roadrunner was here

Bacon comes back to kill you.

Where all the stray dogs go in "civilized" countries!

The Wicker Man (1973)

  A policeman is sent via seaplane to a Scottish island where a young girl is supposed to be reported missing. The few people living on the island are more than unwilling to help him find the girl. When the pieces of the puzzle start falling together, the policeman will hope he had never set foot on the island...
   Robin Hardy had a great vision when he first wrote and directed this film. Even now, 41 years later, this director has not stopped working on this film's sequels so as to complete his so-dreamed of trilogy. Combining such thrilling themes as modern paganism and bloody pagan rites, the Wicker Man never lets the viewer drift off from the amazing mystery mood. An amazing soundtrack was written to accompany this "nature-loving, people-burning, orgy-organizing" film along its stony way. Too bad it was remade with Nicholas Cage starring in it!
  Edward Woodward is simply amazing and manages to portray vividly the anger, fury, anxiety and devotion of a strict police officer in a mouse-and-cat chase. Christopher Lee takes a different road than the one we have known him for and does his trick again; legend has it he never accepted any payment for his performance. And since it's a British film and it's the sexy 70's Britt Ekland, Diane Cilento and Ingrid Pitt could not be absent from this flesh feast!
Must watch this :  naked and au naturelle on a sunny spring afternoon preferably on the first of May. Watch it alone or with a female companion and of course the obligatory fruits, bread and wine in order to sacrifice on the Walpurgisnacht to please the gods of fertility.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070917/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Motherfuckers?! Did you start an orgy without me?

There there!

Clam down, ladies. There is enough for all!