Sorceress (1982)

  Evil wizard Traigon must sacrifice his firstborn child to a dark deity. His wife disagrees and in order to save her twin daughters, she runs away from him. The two girls grow up by the side of a warrior named Krona who protects and trains them. After twenty years of absence, Traigon returns and he sets out to finish the job; to sacrifice his daughters...
  After an hour and a half, I was still looking for a Sorceress but she was nowhere to be found. Anyway! Sorceress is an early 80's Sword&Sandal epic (?) movie directed by legendary cult director Jack Hill and produced by Roger Corman. Rumor has it that Corman interfered so much in the editing that Hill was disappointed and decided to remove his name in the credits as a director. You can really sense that this movie was put together really fast in order to cash in on Conan's success as a film of the same genre. Unfortunately, in that token, Sorceress does not cut it but at least it provides with 83 minutes of pure B-movie fun. It is filled with clever sexual innuendos, cheap but entertaining 80's special effects and costumes, a fair amount of action and fantastic beasts and alive things (sic) inspired by almost any "epic" era or tale you can imagine. Some may not be huge fans of "All-In-One" soups like this but I certainly had fun.
  Except from the sexy blonde twins, Leigh & Lynette Harris (ex-Playboy Playmates), almost everyone else is Mexican. It makes sense since the film was shot in Mexico in order to ensure lower production costs. Roberto Ballesteros plays the evil father/wizard, Bruno Rey is Baldar, David Millbern is Pando (my personal favorite, a Satyr) and Roberto Nelson is Elrick. For a B-movie such as this, the overall acting quality is actually above average and very convincing throughout the entire film. The actors certainly did more than they had to, that's for sure!
Should you or should you not watch this? I don't know...Do you want to see a half-man/half-goat getting all voyeur-y on a couple of naked blonde twins swimming in a lake? Do you want to see what the cheapest special effects in 1982 could produce? Then, the answer is clear!
Must watch this :  on a lazy, bored Sunday afternoon after you have enjoyed a hefty BBQ lunch. Grab a soda and tune in on that shit. For the afterburner, blast this!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086340/

20 years early for a Gimli tryout, dude, but i like your effort!

How did my life end up like this?

It is not obvious what I am supposed to be but it is obvious that I am

Santo Attacks the Witches (1968) a.k.a Atacan Las Brujas

  An evil witch and her young witch disciples have set up their own evil cult. They make plans of bringing demons and malicious spirits in the dimension of Earth. There is only man who can stop them and that is Santo...
  Santo's persona my have roughly appeared in more than 50 films. Ain't that something?! And for the better part of those 50 films, they are still so rare they are like pirate's gold. José Díaz Morales, a very notable Mexican director, directs this piece of art in which Santo deals with a cult of sexy witches and beats some hefty amount of ass. The amount of cult-ness in this film is way too much and many people may not stand it ; witchcraft, female cults and satanic rites, demons, wrestling, a masked avenger and insane dialogues. This one is only for those sic-cult in heart!
  Santo kept the mystery of his persona very well as he almost never appeared without his iconic silver lucha libre mask.At first it may seem idiotic to watch a masked man doing everyday chores and flirting with girls but if you bear in mind that it is what it is then you start to enjoy it. And since every macho man needs to be surrounded by foxy ladies, Lorena Velázquez and María Eugenia San Martín step in.
Must watch this : like a true Mexican hombre, roll up a nasty chimichanga, sit down and sip down some tequila. Try to avoid the worm!
Just a Taste
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057858/

Surprise dick!

Beefcake!

Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

The Man and the Monster (1959) a.k.a El hombre y el monstruo

  The former greatest pianist in the world is now training a very talented young girl who is about to give her first big performance. When a reporter wants to pry in their story, terrible things start to happen. The piano teacher may be hiding some very dark secrets...
  Damn, this is as good as it gets. I mean what storyline can beat a classic Mexican horror film like this?! Prolific director Rafael Baledón puts the cheese in super-cheesy and brings forth a hmm-masterpiece. I really loved the cheap but meaningful sequences and the transformation scenes (a treat for the eyes). If I got scared ? No, not in any case but on the other hand this is not the point of the film. Would I solemnly recommend it? Yeah, if you got the balls for it! Not everyone is ready for such amount of Z-movie cult essence...
  All the actors do the best they can but at times it's not enough. Not because of them but because of the cheap character of the overall result. And not anyone can deal with such a script. I mean, the film bounces from thrilling horror spooks to sentimental monologues in a split of a second (?!) leaving the actors to travel back and forth in feelings. Kudos to Enrique Rambal, Abel Salazar, Martha Roth and Ofelia Guilmáin.
Must watch this :  when you are almost in a mood for comedy but not so gleeful. This film falls right in that blank. Make chilli con carne, get a Desperados and chill!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051731/

I read your diary. So gay...

I am all about that hair, 'bout that hair, 'bout that hair

Take a sneak peak of dat ass

Night of the Bloody Apes (1969) a.k.a La Horripilante Bestia Humana

  In a desperate act to save his son's life, a mad doctor performs the first ape-to-man heart transplant surgery hoping it will help cure his leukemia. The young man starts turning into a violent gorilla-man that goes on a killing spree. The doctor tries to correct his mistake but it is already too late...
  From the land of total sleaze and cheesiness, René Cardona directs this interesting piece of cheap exploitation. Ultra low-budget effects, cold but hilarious acting and an ape-monster-man that seems to have a thing for buxotic Mexican women! There is some fake gore (the scene with the heart transplant is real and was inserted), some Latina nudity, some Sci-Fi so I guess this movie passes the bar for weird flicks!
  José Elías Moreno is the mad doctor and he is the most cheesiest of the entire cast, Agustín Martínez Solares is his son but only appears half-asleep all the time and Gerardo Zepeda lends the muscualr body to the monster! Norma Lazareno seems like she was a last minute addition (maybe she had an affair with the script writer) but we don't mind at all and Carlos López Moctezuma is the hunchback-like assistant of the monkey doctor! For dedicated fans only!
Must watch this : with good mood (you will start laughing many times throughout the film), good Mojito and the sun burning. After the film, you need to go to the beach and pretend you are an ape. Some of us, the hairier kind, don't need to try much!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063090/

Women Lucha Libre...Feminism-World:1-0

Bad case of period

Dad, am I adopted?

Operación 67 (1967)

  A group of counterfeiters and crooked entrepreneurs form a highly sophisticated plan to ruin the economy by creating inflation and then benefit from overtaking the market. There is only one who can stop them and that is no other than the notorious Santo, the silver-masked super spy.
  A fine addition to the film legend of Santo. Directed by René Cardona and his son,  René Cardona Jr., the film is incredibly filled with action and equipped with an outstanding exploitation story. The fact that a masked Lucha Libre wrestler turns out to save the day is even more amazing. Incredible women, a story high on marijuana and fighting sequences who would make Jackie Chan jealous. They don't make them like that anymore.
  Santo plays Santo (seriously that was his name), a role that he reprized for over 50 movies (!). Elizabeth Campbell stands by his side, a necessary female presence to boost Santo's already great macho figure. Acting in total may seem strange to you but bare in mind that the film is more than 40 years old and that it comes from a culture somewhat different from what you are used to.
Must watch this : on a random summer night with three glasses of fine sangria, some nachos with cheddar and a double bacon cheeseburger, After the film, flex your muscles and feel proud of their volume and tensity!
Segment 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208334/ 

All these watches for 39.95 $ Deal of the century, guys

Da fuck is this? Da fuck are you?

But, Doctor, it can't be. I am a virgin

 

The Devil's Rain (1975)

  A sect of Satanists operates deep out into the desert. They have horrifying powers over the non-believers using their faith in the Dark Lord. A victim's son decides to put an end to all this and vows to destroy them and their ceremonial church!
  Another classic piece in the ocean of cult cinema. Look out for Anton and Diane LaVey who (for those who don't know) are the High Priest and Priestess of the church of Satan. Anton LaVey is known to have participated in the making of  the film too, providing his stylistic ideas on the special effects. It is good that  director Robert Fuest has him besides him, thus using his skills better to provide this piece of cult art!
  William Shatner is the man here, as a true fan of Satan and Ernest Borgnine is his Christian nemesis. Both act too well for such a low-budget film but that does not take away any atmosphere. Little John Travolta does a cameo appearance here as a starting actor! Quite notable are the special effects too, for such a film. This movie has one of the most convincing melting techniques you will see. True disgusting religious horror!
Must watch this : with a friend who believes more than they should! Troll them and after the film expect a preaching! Must have some cheap American beers during the film and some high-volume shit like that after!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072869/

Get behind me Satan!

Doom on

Black metallers proud of their work

Up In Smoke (1978)

  Cheech and Chong's first movie and a prelude to a long and high relationship. Two stoners from different social layers of the 70's meet when one of them is hitch-hiking. Their friendship starts almost instantly when one offers a joint to the other and they embark on a weird journey. Getting high together seems to always to get them into trouble whether that is smuggling marijuana in the form of a van (sic) or performing live at a rock contest! A must-see for any stoner or a people who can appreciate an alternative sense of humor.
  Tommy Chong and Lou Adler direct this (one of his 2 films as a director) with Tommy Chong and Cheech Martin writing most of the stuff in this film. What's so special about this movie? It sets the difference between a comedy and a stoner comedy and works as a reference for such movies up until now. The classic exaggeration on the hemp appreciation, the most absurd situations one seems to find himself, the slow tempo everything are only some things that this movie has to offer to the stoner cinema.
  Cheech and Chong, a duo that is even funny without speaking (at least for me). Their high looks and movement is so well-studied and well-performed that they will have you fooled they were actually high (maybe they were). They certainly do the trick and get their message delivered which is just to take things slowly and chill the fuck out!
Must watch this : you will need plenty of beers, pizzas, pot (if it gets you goin') and lots of friends both boys and girls.And of course you will need to chill heavily!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078446/

420.Blaze it faggot!

Whaaaaat?

Riding the hemp-van!