Sorceress (1982)

  Evil wizard Traigon must sacrifice his firstborn child to a dark deity. His wife disagrees and in order to save her twin daughters, she runs away from him. The two girls grow up by the side of a warrior named Krona who protects and trains them. After twenty years of absence, Traigon returns and he sets out to finish the job; to sacrifice his daughters...
  After an hour and a half, I was still looking for a Sorceress but she was nowhere to be found. Anyway! Sorceress is an early 80's Sword&Sandal epic (?) movie directed by legendary cult director Jack Hill and produced by Roger Corman. Rumor has it that Corman interfered so much in the editing that Hill was disappointed and decided to remove his name in the credits as a director. You can really sense that this movie was put together really fast in order to cash in on Conan's success as a film of the same genre. Unfortunately, in that token, Sorceress does not cut it but at least it provides with 83 minutes of pure B-movie fun. It is filled with clever sexual innuendos, cheap but entertaining 80's special effects and costumes, a fair amount of action and fantastic beasts and alive things (sic) inspired by almost any "epic" era or tale you can imagine. Some may not be huge fans of "All-In-One" soups like this but I certainly had fun.
  Except from the sexy blonde twins, Leigh & Lynette Harris (ex-Playboy Playmates), almost everyone else is Mexican. It makes sense since the film was shot in Mexico in order to ensure lower production costs. Roberto Ballesteros plays the evil father/wizard, Bruno Rey is Baldar, David Millbern is Pando (my personal favorite, a Satyr) and Roberto Nelson is Elrick. For a B-movie such as this, the overall acting quality is actually above average and very convincing throughout the entire film. The actors certainly did more than they had to, that's for sure!
Should you or should you not watch this? I don't know...Do you want to see a half-man/half-goat getting all voyeur-y on a couple of naked blonde twins swimming in a lake? Do you want to see what the cheapest special effects in 1982 could produce? Then, the answer is clear!
Must watch this :  on a lazy, bored Sunday afternoon after you have enjoyed a hefty BBQ lunch. Grab a soda and tune in on that shit. For the afterburner, blast this!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086340/

20 years early for a Gimli tryout, dude, but i like your effort!

How did my life end up like this?

It is not obvious what I am supposed to be but it is obvious that I am

Pit Stop (1969)

  Rick Bowman, a car junkie and speed addict, is approached by a shady guy who wants to sponsor him to participate in a new form of automobile racing, the Figure 8. This is a very dangerous kind of sport as the risks of crashing and getting killed is the actual point of it all. Rick will face his arch enemy and try to make it out alive...
  Jack Hill is a very respectable director and writer of the celluloid underground. Throughout the years he found his perfect balance of sleaze, trash and exploitation, all boosted by an aspiration to become something greater. Hence his films have a more "normal" feel to them than the average B-movie. His greatest achievements, though, were his contribution to the Blaxploitation genre and this film is just 3 years before that! By that token, Pit Stop should interest even as little as to see the progress he would later make. Of course, it is more than that...
  The cast some interesting appearances. It is the kind of cast that wanted something bigger for themselves although certain factors contributed to that never happening during their career. And you can feel and see that in their eyes. And you can imagine them at the same time as you are watching this film, sitting on their couch, reminiscing, with the whole nostalgic,melancholic Tarantinesque vibe. But, that is still OK, because people like Richard Davalos, Ellen Burstyn, Sid Haig, Beverly Washburn and Brian Donlevy are the actual everyday heroes we need to keep it going. To remind us that dreams are out there to be chased even if the chase is as vain as a car racing and chasing the sun...
Must watch this : on a hot spring Sunday morning. After the film, expect an unbeatable urge to get in your car,turn that key around and drive for as far as the tank can take ya!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064819/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Sponsorship, hmmm?!So, what kind of cash you willing to give?!

Girlfriend's face when you do a stunt with the car and risk getting killed *that moment right before*

We don't no need no brakes, mister. Take 'em off!

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

  A former priest who lost his faith and his two children are touring through the desert. Seth and Richard, two brother criminals hold them hostage. Luck brings them to a titty house/bar in the desert with shady costumers to pass the night. But passing the night there is surprisingly hard...
  Robert Rodriguez, Tarantino's sidekick is another Z-movie freak and he was one of the people that helped revive the genre and make mainstream audiences see a more cult aspect in them. Rodriguez with an almost amateur-like love for movies like that, directs this film like any proper fan would and that makes it way more amusing as a film. Intense dialogues (I suspect Tarantino's hand), vampires, strip bars, bikers, guns, ladies and a soundtrack as hot as the desert!
  However cheesy the story, I really like watching actors of high value in these films. It reminds somehow that cinema was started as a means of entertainment, no matter how "quality" or not. Tarantino plays the psycho criminal with a thing for legs (touche) and Clooney is his more logical brother who usually clams him down. Harvey Keitel wil reagain his faith in the most unusual place and Juliette Lewis will make Tarantino crazy! Crazy credits : Salma Hayek with her breathtaking dance, Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Tom Savini and Fred Williamson. Try to guess where they dug them out from!
Must watch this : on a hot summer day. Eggs and bakey will do the trick. Accompany with a good ol' can of Monster energy drink and cheap cigarettes. The taste of desert vampires in your mouth!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116367/?ref_=nv_sr_2

So, yeah! I really like your toes!

Casual Saturday night out

Bitches to my left and bitches to my right!

The Man with the Iron Fists (2012)

  A large shipment of gold becomes the point of interest for many dark figures in a small village in feudal China. A blacksmith with a caged lover, a British veteran soldier, a clan of assassins and a brothel owner fight over what is their own and what should have been their own...
  RZA's first attempt at directing certainly does not leave you disappointed. Do not expect any high-end directing or a re-invention of cinema art but do expect an entertaining 96 minutes of cult role-playing and vivid storytelling. Tarantino's little finger was dipped in this movie and you can see that too at some points. All in all, a modern low-fi with enough balls to become a cult classic somewhere in the next 50 years and surely a nice spending of your time.
  RZA plays the main character, the blacksmith with a hurt past. Russell Crowe brings up the game and plays the British veteran with a keen for young harlots and Lucy Liu is sure the own to provide him with such pleasures. Rick Yune arrives in the nick of time to save the day and Dave Bautista has to get in the way as always.
Must watch this : if you have been away from home for too long, put on this fucker and let it be your ticket back to who you used to be. Must accompany with something Chinese just for the cult of it, prefer a Kung-Pao chicken maybe!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1258972/

Nobody takes away my Mi-Mi

Stay strong, Clarence

I-AM-IRONHAND

Rio Bravo (1959)

  Small town Sheriff John T. Chance has to deal with a violent gang that terrorizes his town. When he the brother of the gang's leader is put behind bars, the attacks start becoming more common. The sheriff enlists the help of some local townspeople; a cripple, a drunk and a young wanna-be-gunfighter...
   Howard Hawks directs what seems to be just another average western/comedy/romance film. Very typical of that time but what is not typical is the addition of John Wayne in the cast. Having Wayne by its side, the film manages to spiral within the limitations of its genre but gives off a satisfying air of change. You know something was about to change in the genre by watching this film. All cliches are here but in a different way plus every persona in the story is cult enough to stand on its own. Cliches+cult personas=a good entertainment!
  John Wayne plays a role he had plenty of years by then to master. It is like Wayne does not even act (not in the negative kind of way) but simply acts as himself. Dean Martin clearly is more than your angelic voice but pulls through his role quite easily and pleasantly. Walter Brennan is the story's verbal punching bag and so brings a lot of humor especially when contradicted with young and fresh Ricky Nelson! Angie Dickinson plays the mandatory female role, mandatory due to production's politically-correctness, but I just can't see her at John Wayne's side!
Must watch this : on a hot summer afternoon, after having a light lunch of season vegetables. Chill out with your herbal iced tea and let the good times fire away.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053221/

Please, Senior. Stop looking at my wife!

Can I have an autograph,  Μr..Banderas?

I forgot my wallet. Let's rob the bank!

Forbidden Planet (1956)

  A spaceship lands on a planet with the mission to rescue and secure the well-being of a human colony sent there years ago. Upon arrival, they find out that the sole survivors is a scientist,his daughter and a very clever robot that managed to survive against all monsters. The scientist's secret will soon shock everyone on board...
  Ah the 50's. Back when chubby and curvy was still sexy, Sci-Fi was still pure and raw. The progress of this film's story is truly breathtaking and stunningly smart and while it appears as naive and family-fun, it is downright radical. Fred M. Wilcox combines the beloved issue of extraterrestrial life and the basic learnings of Freud's science and what comes out is an endings that you definitely won't see coming.
   Watching this film, I swear I didn't get the slightest hunch that Leslie Nielsen had the major role! It may have been that I am used to seeing him in hid own unique comedies! Nevertheless, he is quite nice as the all-American hero who gets the girl (of course), Anne Francis. It wasn't that difficult ,if you ask me, since her father, the malicious Walter Pidgeon had her all locked up and protected. My personal favorite, though, was the cook, Earl Holliman, who managed to befriend a robot that steadily supplied him with his cherished alcohol!
Must watch this : getting high would help although it is not necessary. I would suggest some deep fried French fries, a couple of strong beers and a joint for the dessert.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049223/

Those curves though

Inter-galactic nudity?! Hell, yeah!

Listen, I am going to be a comedian. OK, Dad?

Hellboy (2004)

  The story of a red humanoid demon conjured by a secret Nazi group but raised from infant by an American professor. Hellboy, as he was named, is trained and devoted to confronting the forces of evil that threaten our world. When Rasputin, the man who conjured him, comes back to bring the end of the world, Hellboy must act quickly...
  When you see Guillermo del Toro's name signed in a film like that then you should be sure that this film is going to be very good. With much less mambo jumbo than the average Marvel comics film, Hellboy manages to pay a very iconic tribute to the well-known hero and elevate his status to a new-found glory. For 2004, the film has very complicated special effects but not so elaborate to make it a kitsch special effects film!
  Ron Perlman deserves a "Job well done" from all comic hero fans from all over the world. His face is like it was destined to someday play Hellboy (with the mandatory make-up of course). John Hurt and Selma Blair react very well around Perlman as his step-dad and love thing, respectively. Rupert Evans gets in the way as a nanny, Doug Jones knows just about everything and Karel Roden is Rasputin. Nuff said!
Must watch this : go to the nearest tobacco and cigar shop and get yourself a big-ass cigar. After you have prepared a manly dinner (take-out or steak are the only two respectable options here), enjoy this movie accordingly.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167190/?ref_=nv_sr_2

I am just not getting paid enough

Why is always me to get dirty?

Now what am I supposed to do?

Dirty Harry (1971)

  San Francisco Police Inspector Harry Callahan is not your average detective. Using more violence than the ones he pursues, he is considered one of the forces' weapons but also a liability. When a killer who calls himself 'the Scorpio Killer' starts spreading death, Callahan is the only one who can stop him...
   To break the legend of Dirty Harry, this film's story is actually not that unique neither Don Siegel reinvents the wheel. But he fact that the script is so well written and that fact that Harry's persona is so outstanding is probably what made the movie become a cult classic throughout the years. And it's exploitation enough, too. There's enough cheese in there to cover the minimum standards of the cult exploitation legion.
  Clint. Clint Eastwood. The name sounds more badass than James Bond sometimes this guy aims to prove it every time he gets on screen. The facial expressions of Eastwood can only be imitated by Carrey but the overall posture and macho personality is a much greater gift. He was born with it. And when maniac sociopaths like Andrew Robinson (who makes a very cool villain by the way) start killing people, well he gotta kill back...
Must watch this : with a big ass burger like the one Dirty Harry eats at some point. Get a load of french fries and enjoy this film eating and wearing yur white tank top with your suspenders.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066999/?ref_=nv_sr_3

Never Hide! RayBan!

Not.

Think of the children, Brunhilde

Enter The Dragon (1973)

  A young kung fu master agrees to work with the C.I.A and is sent on a private island owned by a crime lord. There, he will take part in the martial arts championship but also spy on the illegal activities that take part on the island...
  It's really something when a martial arts film is not just an excuse for showing off the actor's skills. That is the case here! A somewhat classic story without many cliches that hits all the right spots for film lovers. Robert Clouse made sure he also put the right elements of exploitation so this film practically is all a man can need ; ass-kicking, good vs. evil, some hot chicks and some more ass-whooping.
  Bruce Lee is undoubtedly one of the best martial artist to hit the big screen. He made historical changes in the way the western world sees martial arts and planted a fighter worm in everyone who watched his films. All of his expertise and chi has given him an extra cocky attitude that is obvious in his acting. Maybe too cocky, if you ask me but anyway. John Saxon and Jim Kelly are also great (in the same league of actors as  Lee) and especially Kelly, who combines jumping style fighting and street gangsta swag.
Must watch this :  together with your kung fu master and your clan of devoted warriors.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070034/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Gangbang

Did you just call me a nigga?

KaPOW

21 Jump Street (2012)

  Two goofy and ever-failing cops are assigned on a secret mission ; they are to infiltrate a high school as students and put a stop to the rise of a new and dangerous drug that has been making its way to the kids...
  All right, you got me. This is too modern to be considered cult but I beg to differ! Given its cult past already (it used to be a series starring Johnny Depp in the days of yore), 21 Jump Street has all it takes to make it as a classic cult stoner comedy and it should as it is one of the few American comedy films that made me laugh recently. Hats off to directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller for that sixpack-making combination. Drugs? Plenty. Boobs? Could be more. Cheesy humor?Duh! Carefree vibes? Count me in!
  It's nice to see Channing Tatum in something else other than his usual cute-face bullshit. OK, it's not that he changed his career with this film but at least he can take some comedy lessons by not-so-fat-anymore Jonah Hill. The addition of Ice Cube elevates the level of the film and so does that of Dave Franco, Rob Riggle,
Brie Larson and a cameo from Johnny Depp as the a cult reference!
Must watch this : roll a fat one and enjoy this film with the dudes. Laugh your ass off during the Phases scene and cool off with that fucker afterwards.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1232829/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Hands down, best shit I've ever smoked. And I'm from Compton

The chief said it. That shit is dope

Just don't hurt the pinatas. They got feelings too, man!

Mad Max (1979)

  In a dystopian future, policemen struggle to sustain biker gangs that spread anarchy throughout the state. During a chase, officer Max kills the Nightrider, a gang's leader. To take revenge, the gang kills his partner and Max quits out of fear for his family. When, his wife and kid get killed by the gang, Max takes the law in his hands...
  The iconic hero persona of Mad Max starts here and gladly came to stay. His story is not one of a kind (it's a classic transform-and-revenge story) but the fact that it is set in the lonely and dangerous Australian desert gives it a whole new perspective. George Miller does not invent the wheel but we sure do like his view on it ; dusty and fast and leather-y with a lot of violence in it and just the perfect Aussie accent to get enough of your attention. If you haven't seen Mad Max, you are just a baby!
  Mel Gibson's first boost may as well have been this flick here. Mel gets to practice on his "mad" look and raunchy character but does not go off limits, just enough to make himself a cult icon. Hugh Keays-Byrne gets too theatrical but it's all in the game, since he is the deranged new gang leader, and Steve Bisley is Max's partner who gets his unjust side of the coin. Speaking of cult, I do not think I have seen a more awkward but unique police chief than Roger Ward. Obey the stache!
Must watch this : boring day, boring weather, boring everything. Make a cappuccino, get this playing and drive the boredom away. After the film, get in your car and drive around town hoping you can find some punks to get in trouble with!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079501/

That's some deep talk right there, kid!

Now, you are my bitch

"Police Brutality" "Shut up"

Wizards (1977)

  A magician as old as time lives in the peaceful part of his world but soon his evil brother starts planning to spread the chaos and doom and declares war. The good magician gathers up his team and attempts to restore peace and the balance of magic and technology...
   Ralph Bakshi's unique style is something out of the beyond. Considered by some the epitome of his work, Wizards is a funny psychedelic trip through an dystopian land which is divided to two parts; a normal natural part where all the magic creatures live and the nasty part where radiation has led to the creation of mutants. Allegories every second minute and an open connection of the bad guy to Hitler makes this film a delicious food for thought and a real treat for the eyes!
  The animation is really something spectacular in this film. I could not help feeling amazed at how warm and yet trippy all the scenes appeared. It is an 80 minute homage to a selection of drugs unknown to humanity now that helped create anything of the third eye we have now. For any fan of animation, this is a classic!
Must watch this : definitely as high as a kite on a rainy and gloomy afternoon!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076929/

Peek-a-Boo

Dude, your eyes....

Sp, who is rolling the next one?

Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

  A gang of outlaw bikers strolling the desert comes across an old church which has been taken over by a satanic cult. The cult members host the bikers and after they have drugged them, they place a curse on the leader biker's girl. No one ever expected what came afterwards...
  Michel Levesque made a short but big contribution to the cult world. This film was one of the two (of the genre) he directed and we have to say that even if the progress of the plot is unconventional, we still can get the maximum cult satisfaction we can. Biker gangs, demonic rites from an evil cult, werewolves, the desert and tons of hallucinogenic drugs (don't tell me they were sober). It's that time of the year again!
  Steve Oliver, Donna Anders, Gene Shane and their team of hairy motherfuckers on wheels. Exactly the acting you expect from a film that holds such a title but there is a little twist. Supposedly, the majority of the bikers were actual bikers without any acting skills so by that token what you get is as pure as it gets.
Must watch this : at someone's place where you usually chill (we for example call it The House of Big Chill run by Odin). Get yourselves a healthy and big club sandwich, pour a glass of mixed alcohols of your taste and enjoy this fucker on a hot summer night. Cool off with that dusty tune .
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067972/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Dear Lord Satan, ye who giveth us the daily bread...

...

Worst case of teenage change