Ceremonia Sangrienta (1973) a.k.a The Legend of Blood Castle

  An ageing cursed Countess finds that the blood of young women seems to restore her long lost youth and beauty. She falls in love with a young man whom she gets to bring her fresh dead girls using his vampiric curse and her thirst for blood never ends...
  Quality horror director Jorge Grau leaves his mark on yet another jaw-dropping film. The film narrates the story of Countess Bathory who allegedly bathed in the blood of young girls in order to stay young. Using a profound heavy atmosphere with silent and slow dialogues, the Grau manages to create a beautiful frightening  mood, like a sense that someone is after you. There is some nudity (of course, this is Europe) and some delightfully handled gore that definitely adds to the Gothic morale of the film.
  Lucia Boséius just the right person for playing Erzebeth Bathory. Her posture is magnificent and she seems to move like a real Countess. Espartaco Santoni is not such a good vampire but he gives real credit to his character while Ewa Aulin is the classic minx that can make even living dead fall in love with her. If it weren't for the actors' serious performances, the film would have been much more trashy and the whole horror quality would have been thrown down the drain!
Must watch this : on a rainy October night, alone with only a glass of sweet red wine.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068352/

Oh, yeah! Suffocate me!

Period Strike!

Here comes the airplane! Open up!

The Blood of Fu Manchu (1968)

  Fu Manchu has found a strange species of snake whose venom only affects. In his powerful master plan, he inoculates ten women with this venom in order to poison ten male leaders, bring chaos in the world and eventually preparing millions of doses for his world domination...
  Even on meager budget Jess Franco once again proves not only that he can make a film but also that he can make a good film without depending too much on nudity and drugs. Exploiting the persona of the notorious villain Fu Manchu, Franco creates a thrilling adventure with intense scenes, of course a minimum amount of nudity and epic pulp characters and dialogues. Another underground classic by a perverted mind...
  Much of the film's success (or call it whatever you want) depends and can be attributed to Christopher Lee. Even under shitty situation and sarcastic roles, Lee manages to sustain a classy character and dominate most of the space that he can take. And since it's a Franco film, presences like Maria Rohm, Loni von Friedl, Shirley Eaton and Tsai Chin could not be absent!
Must watch this :  with your stoner friends, a bowl half-full of the best Buddha Haze you can find and sugar-full soda drinks! Get high, get cranked and start growing Fu Manchu beards under the tunes of those fuzzy bastards.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062741/

Dat ass!

Bubble butt, bubble bubble bubble butt

You definitely don't look Chinese!

Samson and the Slave Queen (1963) a.k.a Zorro Contro Maciste

  The two nieces of late Nogara's King, Isabella and Malva, battle for the succession of the throne. Each one chooses a worthy hero to produce the will that will solve all matters. While Malva's ways are too malevolent, her strongman hero, Samson, eventually teams up with El Toro of Isabella to bring justice...
  Italian master Umberto Lenzi in one of his first films paves the way for future creations in the same category. The fairy tale-like atmosphere that the film creates is unique and is not for little girls only. With just the right scenes of sword-fighting and man-to-man wrestling, this film easily puts you in a feel-good mood with its simple storyline and classic but not boring plot twist. A manly adventure fantasy film for the sentimental but macho men out there!
  Pierre Brice plays El Toro a.k.a Zorro in this film and while his character's presence is not so dominant in the film, he smoothly co-stars Alan Steel as Samson a.k.a Maciste. This film is all about him, his jacked-up chest and ginger hair and his ultra-human power. Maria Grazia Spina beautifully plays Isabella, the good and naive of the two successors while Moira Orfei |(my personal favorite) is the foxy and cunning evil niece!
Must watch this : on a scorching hot day with chilli con carne and good lager beer. Turn on all the fans and air condition in the house, call up your friends, take a couch each and enjoy without moving a muscle!
Teaser Duel
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057467/

Damn, that hold-your-breath trick does not work

No, he found my Fap Cave

Huzzah!

Kiss Me Monster (1969) a.k.a Küß Mich, Monster

  Sexy secret agents Diana and Regina are once again on a secret mission. Following the mysterious trail of a deadly message, the two spies travel to a Caribbean island and seek the traces of a secret society called Abilene that acts in absolute secrecy. Accepting their new mission from Abilene, they will soon find that that end of the mystery is nowhere near...
  Much like Sadist Erotica, Kiss Me Monster is an unorthodox spy spoof film by none other than the notorious Jess Franco. Instead of ultra macho men spies you get two ultra bimbo women spies with an awful taste for a high-class living. Surreal at most of its parts, unbelievable in others, this film guarantees a cheap quality amount of time with a groovy psychedelic soundtrack and the minimum amount of nudity that a Franco film can stand. If you can dig it, dive in!
  Janine Reynaud and Rosanna Yanni are the protagonist super-spy duo. Don't get fooled though. They certainly don't pass for any spies but they can easily go for high maintenance divas. It's not in the purpose of the film to make them look like spies either! Never afraid of danger and always seducing everything in their way they go on and solve the case with or without the help of Chris Howland, Michel Lemoine and Manuel Velasco.
Must watch this : on a hot and slow summer afternoon with a cocktail hard enough to make this movie sufferable! After the film, find the nearest swimming pool and go chill!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061432/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

"Play Smells like teen spirit" "No."

Leave the stage like a lady

We must be getting near Amsterdam

Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

  Linda Westinghouse works in a Turkish legal firm and is often troubled with erotic nightmares about a sexy female vampire that seduces her. When she gets assigned on the case of Countess Nadine Carody, Linda recognizes in her the vampire of her dreams.Is Linda losing her mind or is it all happening?
  Summer has deeply kicked in around here and the only thing better than a cold beer is a Jess Franco film about lesbian vampires,trippy psychedelia and erotic atmosphere. Using his well-known techniques, Franco manages to emphasize on the beauty of the woman body creating a picturesque result without falling into the trap of porn. Dreamy sequences, hazy mood, a pure 60's psychedelic soundtrack by Siegfried Schwab and a plot that is exploitative enough will definitely make you lose your mind.
  Ewa Strömberg is Linda, a pretty young lady who is gets hunted by the seducing vampire Countess Nadine, beautifully played by Soledad Miranda. Both actresses display some very theatrical talent in their performances but undoubtedly Soledad stands out for the incredible look in her eyes. Something between "high beyond all points" and "horny as hell" that surely made Dennis Price fall for her charm and powers.
Must watch this : after you have consumed a hefty amount of bad quality alcohol, a pack of cigarettes and a manly joint, allow yourself to be drowned in this film's heavy smoke on a random hot summer night. Cool off with a ride in your car and this fucker blasting !
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066380/.

First 3 minutes in the film...It's gonna be good

I am leaving you, Mary, for Pierre. He is a much better lover!

Are those real?

A Fistful of Dollars (1964) a.k.a Per Un Pugno Di Dollari

  A mysterious gunslinger with no name arrives in a rusty old town by the Mexican border. He soon sees that the town is torn apart by a burning hatred between the two leading families there. He decides to fuel the fire for his own profit...
  The film that started it all! Sergio Leone puts his mark on the beginning film of the so-called trilogy of the Man with no name.There's guns a-blazing, wind a-blowing and sand a-covering everything on this masterpiece of film art. Heavy atmosphere (like the one you get when too much testosterone come around) that makes you take the movie seriously from the start and a fast-pacing plot that won't let you take your mind from it. I don't think there is anything more compelling than western films like this especially when the soundtrack (by Ennio Morricone) is equally breathtakingly good!
  As always, Clint Eastwood is amazing and presents a flawless depiction of his character. Swift and cunning, he takes on his enemies one by one. Gian Maria Volonté, Antonio Prieto, Sieghardt Rupp and Wolfgang Lukschy meet their master in his face and regret their hate-driven lives. And since there had to be a woman role to ease the mood, Marianne Koch fits perfect right in the middle!
Must watch this : call up your real men friends (make sure they are real men) and enjoy this film while sampling cigars and bourbon on hot summer night!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058461/

I don't want to talk about it, all right?

MmmmHmmm, dat ass!

Put down the bag!

Zombie Lake (1981) a.k.a Le Lac des Morts Vivants

  1950s. Somewhere in post-war France, in a small village by a lake, people are starting to get killed once they go swimming or fishing in the lake. Soon, the village folk will find out that German soldiers killed during the WWII and thrown into the lake, are starting to reanimate and spread terror.Why are they turning back to life and how can they save their lives?...
  The overall quality of this film is so bad that it makes the film be actually superb. Jean Rollin directs (he later stated that he really regrets it) in the place of Jess Franco and the cult factor meter goes way too high. With enough nudity to be classified as a softcore flick, this film contains equal amount of super-cheap gore, Nazis and of course a humorous mood of "I don't actually care much". A must see for anyone who is eager to laugh!
  The absence of a serious plot and film progress does not let many of the actors portray their real talent, if any. However, Howard Vernon stands out for his unique style of acting and for being a usual underground personality which we enjoy to see!
Must watch this : with a bottle of sweet red wine, a selection of cheese and charcuterie and some tobacco. Blend with a fine company of your choice.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081027/

Can you not get a fucking room?

Yeahi, skinny dipping in the lake

Be good to your parents and study hard, mkay?

Take a Hard Ride (1975)

  Pike, an old-time criminal but currently honest worker, goes on a suicide mission to deliver $86,000 in payroll money to a ranch in Sonora, Mexico. His road meets with Tyree's, a no-good gambler who seems to want to get his hands on the cash and they both encounter desperate prostitute Catherine and her loyal ace martial artist half-breed companion Kashtok. Now, they both have to pass through the dangerous desert, facing Kiefe's wrath...
   Director Antonio Margheriti experiments with the mix of western and blaxploitation almost 40 years before Tarantino did. The result is  downright entertaining as Margheriti succeeds in maintaining every element of a western film that makes us happy but adding to it the easybreezy mood of a blaxploitation. Get ready for shootouts, desert, money, dynamite and lots of trash talk puns!
  A big plus for this film is the incredible energy between Jim Brown and Fred Williamson. Their chemistry is amazingly vivid throughout the film and certainly brings a feeling of true comradeship. Also amazing is the performance of Lee Van Cleef, the bad guy with the killer look and the million ways to kill you. Completing the cast is Catherine Spaak as the prostitute and Jim Kelly, the famous karate master, as her martially skilled companion. A fine choice of actors for a fine film!
Must watch this : on a really hot summer day with a two glasses of iced tea and a cigar. After the film do yourself a favor,get in your car and start going for the nearest beach and have this fiery bullet playing while you speed down the road!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073784/

Imma kill you with my look only

Damn, nigga. Never go full pimp out in the desert

Dat cactus kush really got me dry! Shiet!

The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (1974) a.k.a Non Si Deve Profanare Il Sonno Dei Morti

  George and Edna, two young people, are brought together by chance while they both travel in Northwest England. An overly devoted police officer is after their trail as he suspects them for the a series of grotesque murders. Little does he know that chemical pesticides brought the dead back to life and they are out for blood...
  Jorge Grau directs this masterpiece of a zombie. Generally underrated, this film easily steps out of the norm of the zombie genre as it definitely has a lot more atmosphere and a lot more balls. With definitive touches of carefully administered Sci-Fi and bloody gore, this film creates an unbeatable horror story with intense action and dialogues set in the eerie landscape of England. No wonder the great Electric Wizard took a sample from this movie for one of their songs!
  Cristina Galbó plays the gloomy but beautiful Edna who crashes into bad boy/hippie/biker Ray Lovelock and together the must face they chemically-revived zombies. Arthur Kennedy a.k.a the man, plays the cop, a true depiction of the unbendable and ever vigilante law for whom this is just another case of hippies and LSD. His acting really sets the bar up high for the whole film!
Must watch this : on a breezy September night, when the temperature just starts cooling off from the summer. Accompany with red wine and cheese and enjoy during at dusk on an outdoors television. After the film, get the chills with this creeping bastard blasting and your bong a-burning!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071431/

So, shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

With eyes as the red as the devil's dick

Damn it, I forgot the turn off the oven

The Werewolf Vs. The Vampire Woman (1971) a.k.a La Noche de Walpurgis

  Elvira and Genevieve are traveling through the French countryside in search of a tomb from the medieval times, Countess Wandessa's. The tomb happens to be inside the property of Waldemar Daninsky, who invites to stay for as long as they want and do their digging up. When Elvira accidentally wakes up the vampire Wandessa, Waldemar is the only one who can save them. Or is he?
  Cult director León Klimovsky joins forces with Paul Naschy and the result is more than stunning. Despite its ridiculous funding (the special effects are ultra cheap but we love them like that), the film does not fail to amaze you with its fantastic settings and unbeatable atmosphere. The story is classic EuroHorror, exploiting in every way it can the legends of vampires and werewolves and creating an eerie mood that makes your spine shiver.
  Paul Naschy is one true legend of the cult! His work stands out of the fog of the EuroHorror genre and gives his own unique trashy style! His transformation from man to werewolf is remarkable in this film and so is his role as a noble man. Patty Shepard is his seductive arch enemy and Gaby Fuchs with Barbara Capell are the two nymphs that were looking to get in trouble!
Must watch this :  on a windy spring night when it's not too hot. Make a Bloody Mary and enjoy this film with the cool wind giving you the creeps!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066160/

And I was like whaaaaa?

Yeah, just jump right in...It's comfy

I swallow

Special Mission Lady Chaplin (Missione Speciale Lady Chaplin) (1966)

  The story revolves around three main characters ; Lady Chaplin, an atelier owner and fashion stylist, Dick Malloy, an American secret agent, and Zoltan, a rich American specialized in submarine researches. The three characters will find themselves in a whirlwind of international espionage, money and high-class life!
  Alberto De Martino and Sergio Grieco direct this interesting piece of Eurospy. Considered by many the closest thing to James Bond, this film has fast pacing action and beautiful scenes running through its veins. Unlike most Italian Eurospy, this film has a more serious mood and carefully executed special effects. A must-see for James Bond wannabees!
  Ken Clark is the hefty Dick Malloy who everyone attempts to kill in every other scene; a role that suits him just fine might I say! Daniela Bianchi is his 'enemy' and lover spy, who many might remember from the James Bond movie From Russia with love. A fine couple but acting-wise and character-wise, they make you hope you had a romance like that. Deadly and fierce with a tune like that for a soundtrack!
Must watch this : on a shiny and cool autumn afternoon, with a double cappuccino and the company of a lady from another country! Feel like a spy boss dancing that sweet swinger with her with a cigarette in hand!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060704/ 

Scientifically proven, bitches be crazy!

Shall we shag now? Or shall we shag later?

Fucking fake waterpistol

Perseus Against the Monsters (1963) a.k.a Perseo L'Invincibile

  Perseus fights the monstrous Medusa, her army of stone warriors and a monstrous dragon while he tries to save his lover and set things right between his town and the tyrannical ruler of Argos.
  Part of the great Italian school of sword-and-sandal, this film tells the story of Greek demigod Perseus. Alberto De Martino directs this piece and he does a great work. Medusa could have been a lot better I must confess but hey it was the 60's and I guess money was not enough. The sets, although, are amazing (beautiful Mediterranean scenery all up your face) and so are the battles and fights.
  Richard Harrison plays the mighty Perseo and Anna Ranalli is his lovey-dovey Andromeda. Perseo will often appear semi-naked throughout the film. Do not be scared that as it probably the only way to portray his heroic status and omnipotent character. Nevertheless, the entire cast does a great job portraying the myth in their own Italian finesse style.
Must watch this :  with a Greek salad, some bread and a glass of ouzo (or sambucca...una faccia una razza). Watch this on a hot summer day and after the film head to the nearest beach and battle with your imaginary sea monsters.
Petrification sequence
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056343/

I have just put my mask on

Get off, biatch! I warn you!

Raid the fap castle!

Hot Nights on the Campus (1966)

  Small town girl Sally moves to New York in order to study. She receives the help of a family friend and sleeps with him. As her new life as a woman is about to start, she finds it hard to balance between pleasure and serious situations.
  Its this time again. Tony Orlando directs this classic 60s exploitation which , unfortunately, is not full with sleazy peeping nudity. Instead you get a lot of semi-nude footage and some "intense" sex. This film's uniqueness lies in the fact that instead of bringing a sentiment of joy and fun to the viewer, one may find it utterly depressive. Mainly because it focuses on the aftermaths of depravity rather than the pleasure itself.
  Gigi Darlene plays the main character, Sally, here. She seems stupid and naive enough to get what she got in the film so you might say she did a good job acting. Otherwise, it is your usual crap that you hate to love but watch it anyway. Photography and color is mainly the deal and not the acting. For experienced viewers.
Must watch this : just a bottle of water on a low and depressive day. The film will get you either happier, either more depressed or saying "what the fuck did I watch this for?"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0125171/

Come meet the rest of the bitches

Murica'

Oh , great. My new sucker is here