Cannibal Ferox (1981)

  A group of anthropologists take a journey in the jungles of Colombia hoping to prove that the traditional tribes are not cannibals. They stumble upon a band of drug dealers who use the natives to process the coca leaf. When the natives can't take no more, it's time for a bloody revenge...
  Banned in 31 countries until recently, this film is definitely not a treat for the virgin eyes. Umberto Lenzi spares no expenses in making yet another violently shocking cannibal film. The level of gore is more than the average and you get fancy little scenes of random mutilation, torture and some extra violence on animals (the last one is real). It is rightfully considered a classic in its genre but be warned ; if you are used to tomato-style blood in films maybe you are not ready for it yet!
  Giovanni Lombardo Radice, Lorraine De Selle, Danilo Mattei, Zora Kerova and Walter Lucchini. It's not a surprise many of the actors in the cast where billed with a fake name. Not all actors were confident enough to be sure that their name in a film of such gore and violence would not hurt their possible careers. Nevertheless, the Italian finesse (even in such a film) is visible in the actors' performances ; you can sense that beneath the filth and shock lies talent!
Must watch this : we all have our violent anger outbreaks every now and then. If not, then I should better check myself. The point is that during those outbreaks when you really need to strangle a motherfucker, it is better to put this film to play. You won;t be hurting anyone but still you will get he satisfaction that somebody is getting it, real hard and painful!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082700/

So, how about I show you girls this thing I was talking about the other day?

Da fuck did I do last night?

This sure don't look good

Samson and the Slave Queen (1963) a.k.a Zorro Contro Maciste

  The two nieces of late Nogara's King, Isabella and Malva, battle for the succession of the throne. Each one chooses a worthy hero to produce the will that will solve all matters. While Malva's ways are too malevolent, her strongman hero, Samson, eventually teams up with El Toro of Isabella to bring justice...
  Italian master Umberto Lenzi in one of his first films paves the way for future creations in the same category. The fairy tale-like atmosphere that the film creates is unique and is not for little girls only. With just the right scenes of sword-fighting and man-to-man wrestling, this film easily puts you in a feel-good mood with its simple storyline and classic but not boring plot twist. A manly adventure fantasy film for the sentimental but macho men out there!
  Pierre Brice plays El Toro a.k.a Zorro in this film and while his character's presence is not so dominant in the film, he smoothly co-stars Alan Steel as Samson a.k.a Maciste. This film is all about him, his jacked-up chest and ginger hair and his ultra-human power. Maria Grazia Spina beautifully plays Isabella, the good and naive of the two successors while Moira Orfei |(my personal favorite) is the foxy and cunning evil niece!
Must watch this : on a scorching hot day with chilli con carne and good lager beer. Turn on all the fans and air condition in the house, call up your friends, take a couch each and enjoy without moving a muscle!
Teaser Duel
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057467/

Damn, that hold-your-breath trick does not work

No, he found my Fap Cave

Huzzah!