The Strange Countess (1961) a.k.a Die Seltsame Gräfin

   A young secretary is harassed by weird phone calls while a woman who was put to prison for poisoning is let free. The secretary, Margaret, is offered a lucrative position by Countess Moron but detective Mike Dorn is in charge of keeping her safe as the Scotland Yard has learned that somebody is out for her blood...
  One of the many novels by Edgar Wallace that was brought to life by German producers, The Strange Countess , directed by Josef von Báky, guarantees a high end noir thriller. Hitchcock-y at many points but presenting a much different classy European mood, this film creates an unbeatable atmosphere that surrounds the viewer and does not let go until the perpetrator is found. For fans of quality cinema!
  Each actor from the cast seems to have been carefully chosen for his part and that is obvious as each characters blends perfectly with the other, like a morbid dance of death and mystery.  Joachim Fuchsberger is the super detective, legendary Lil Dagover is the Countess, Brigitte Grothum is young and ever-fearing Margaret and of course Klaus Kinski in a surprise role! Eddi Arent in his classic role as the humorous relief is once again totally entertaining.
Must watch this : chose one of these nights that you don't have any plans with any of your friends. Invite a sophisticated girl, offer a glass of cognac and let the movie do its criminal thing!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055429/

Subtle advertising

That's right, babe. Bite it!

It will be like a haircut. Only different!

Hideout in the Sun (1960)

  The Martin brothers have just robbed a bank and in their attempt to get away unnoticed, they are forced to take young Dorothy hostage. They soon find out that Dorothy is a member of a nudist country club and they force her to take them there in order to stay low...
  Doris Wishman's break into sexploitation and the one that put her on the map as the genre's master. This film was a lost legend as the distributor died in jail and so it took many years to reappear and shake the calm waters of cinema again. Besides these fun facts, Hideout in the Sun follows the same old tested and guaranteed plot progress of almost any film like it out there. Tits and nudity as much as the laws permitted and a smooth jazzy soundtrack!
  A major minus (but also a plus) in Wishman's films is that all actors are muted and the voices are dubbed over. This gives an extra chance to the viewer to discover how shitty acting was in those circles and laugh a time or two at the irony of the monologues throughout the film. Criticism aside, hats off to Greg Conrad, Dolores Carlos and Earl Bauer as it takes real balls to play in a movie like that and know that you are remembered for it!
Must watch this : the only way movies of this sort were meant to be watched ; dudes, booze, cigars and hairy conversations (nagging mostly) on subjects of higher intellectual standards.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053908/

I got a kilo of cocaine and two dead hookers in the trunk. Just the usual

Please nod if the guy next to me is totally naked. I can't look

Naked Village has been breached. I repeat. Naked Village has been breached

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

   Humans have mastered a massive destruction weapon that threats the entire universe. In order to stop them, intelligent alien humanoids resurrect the dead from their graves as zombies, ghouls and vampires and placing them under their command they make sure the weapon is stopped...
  Carrying the heavy title of the worst film ever made, Plan 9 is a kick in the nuts of any puritan cinema enthusiast out there. Mixing different elements from different genres of cinema but not in the most tasteful way, this flick will certainly leave you with a wondering open mouth for its whole part. Hats off to director Ed Wood, who was not a talented man at all but, since he managed to get this thing produced, he sure was a very determined one.
  Bela Lugosi died way before this film was completed but obviously he managed to crack his way in. Also starring, Maila Nurmi (a.k.a Vampira), heavyweight Tor Johnson, Dudley Manlove as an alien, The Amazing Criswell as himself and many others for whom it was the only film they played in. This movie must have been like the horror equivalent of today's Expendables with each actor (besides Lugosi) being more self-sarcastic than the other!
Must watch this :  definitely watch this no matter what. You can actually smell the filth and rotting essence of the film. Gather up 1-2 open-minded friends and watch this on a random weekday. Look out for the abstract message of the film. I found out for me it's that anything is possible ; if aliens can resurrect people as vampires than I sure can do anything I want!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052077/

Seriously, I don't even actually play in this movie

High beyond any level of high

Stop! This is the fashion police! You are under arrest!

Tarzana, the Wild Girl (1969) a.k.a Tarzana, Sesso Selvaggio

  News of a Kenyan tribe having elected a white girl as their queen reach Sir Donovan's ears, whose daughter was lost in the jungle fifteen years agio together with her mother and other relatives during a plane accident. In his last attempt to see if he can rescue any relative still alive, Sir Donovan gathers a rescue team...
  Tarzana is a stupid little film by Italian Guido Malatesta but have no worries. Although super cheap and super cheesy, this film manages to deliver the right doses of exploitation satisfaction that one may seek when watching such a flick. The story though classic fails to reach an interesting peak and throughout the film you can see cheap inserted stock footage. Don't set the bar too high and this flick might just do the trick for you!
 Ken Clark is the hot stud leading the expedition and the ever-horny Franca Polesello is Donovan's representative. Franco Ressel is the greedy asshole and Raf Baldassarre is the rapist of the group but of course the film is dedicated to Femi Benussi a.k.a Tarzana who is naked throughout the whole 82 minutes. Be careful to notice Beryl Cunningham's gangbangish jungle dance!
Must watch this : with friends otherwise it may be too boring. First, go to your neighborhood's low-cost super market and get ultra cheap and seemingly tropic juices, freeze them and enjoy as smoothie during the film!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065070/

Don't panic but I just got my period

Nude beach virgin

Oh, snap! I've been shot!

It! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958)

  A rescue expedition is sent to Mars where a previous expedition was covered in blood ; the only survivor is believed to have murdered all his partners but he states that they were actually attacked by some sort of an alien humanoid. Everyone seems to take the survivor for a lunatic killer until the a weird humanoid makes its appearance...
  Edward L. Cahn was a prolific director in his time and a true representative of the 50's film industry. Though this film does not set any new record or boundary within the genre of Sci-Fi, that does not mean that it is not an enjoyable 70-minute long excuse to relax and let your fantasy travel you. It is a fact that the monster could and should have been much better but in the end that is why we love this cheap and true approach to the alien issue by these people 60 years ago!
  Marshall Thompson is the sole survivor and the one who is charged with murder. He seems to take all this pressure too lightly, especially from douchebags like Robert Bice and Paul Langton who give him a hard time about his story. In the end, truth solves the mystery and Thompson get all the ladies and the credit of killing It, played by Ray Corrigan! A classic American plot twist.
Must watch this :  on a rainy, lazy Sunday after a big barbeque. Get your spoon and your 10kg bowl of ice cream and get lost in the universe of strawberry syrup with chocolate monsters and vanilla aliens!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051786/

Far out, bro!

Shit, man! Move faster!

Calm down, bitches! Imma drop the bass right now

Horror Hospital (1973)

  When Jason Jones' attempts to make it big in the music scene fail miserably, he decides to let off some steam at a "health farm" named Brittlehurst Manor. On his way there, he meets beautiful Judy who is travelling to the same place and together they will start finding out that Brittlehurst Manor is a lot more sinister than just a holiday farm...
  British exploitation master Antony Balch directed only a few films but his work in the underground cinema field was of much greater importance. Within his directing work, Horror Hospital seems to be the most cult. Grasping the 70's groovy mood by the balls and injecting numerous milligrams of horror exploitation and Sci-Fi madness, Balch delivers an outrageous mix of adventure and fiction horror that few thinking people won't like!
  Robin Askwith plays the easy-groovin' hipster of the 70's whose chance to be a pop star was blown but he just does not give up and like the stupid hipster that he is he goes to the most evil place he could find. Vanessa Shaw is the same-minded minx that follows him on the adventure of escaping the evil mastermind Dr. Storm, vividly played by Michael Gough. A fully functional cast for a story worth it!
Must watch this : with a bowl of supreme dirty skunk straight from the streets of dirty London and whole bags of the best worst junk order-out food you can find in England. You must watch this within U.K borders in order to feel its atmosphere fully!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070190/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

So, yes basically we play a mix of experimental, dark-psych pop metal thing

Arrest this motherfucker for being too poser

Never bring an axe to a gun fight!

Castle of Blood (1964) a.k.a Danza Macabra

  Journalist Alan Foster argues with Edgar Allan Poe about the authenticity of his stories and in the end the journalist accepts an abnormal bet by a Lord Blackwood ; he has to survive one night in a haunted castle on the night of All Soul's Eve. Much to the journalist's disbelief, spirits and ghost of those murdered there start to appear and re-enact how they were murdered...
  From the golden era of Italian gothic horror, comes this fine film by master Antonio Margheriti. Sergio Corbucci also leaves a small trace in this atmospheric trip into the twilight zone. Ghost legends and stories about murder were always fascinating and Castle of Blood exploits that human niche for paranormal entities in the spookiest of ways. The atmosphere and tensity of the film is elevated to another level by the astounding goth settings that give a higher tone of credibility to the story.
  Georges Rivière plays the journalist who so bravely entered the ghost castle and fell in love with a ghost pretending to be alive, the magnificent Barbara Steele. Margrete Robsahm, Arturo Dominici and Silvano Tranquilli (as Edgar Allan Poe) fill up the remaining seats but once again the awe-inspiring posture of Barbara Steele once again leads the dance of the dead!
Must watch this : on an unholy summer night, light up the most red candles you can find and dim all lights as much as possible. Invite your unholy girl, serve the most ghostly sweet red wine and proceed with the seance of watching this film. After the initial seance,continue with a sexual seance under the influence of the unholy fuzz .
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057993/

Now where did I stash the opium?

How about a triple play, ladies?

You stole my bra, bitch!