Capriccio (1987)

  An American couple who met each other during the World War II, they return to the island Capri for vacation. The failures in their marriage force them to search for their past love affairs with whom they had both kept contact. When these fail too, they understand they are meant for each other...
  This is not one of Tinto Brass' best films but it's still very good and much better than most of the classic romantic films we know. Stepping far away from the romantic formula, this film even dares to walk in pornographic paths that may deceit the amateur viewer so as to appear as just porn. The story and the intense dialogues together with an amazing cinematography prove the complete opposite.
  Just like any lewd director is supposed to do, Tinto Brass chooses only the best and the better looking actors and actresses he can and in this film he maintains to do so. Nicola Warren, Andy J. Forest, Francesca Dellera, Isabella Biagini and Vittorio Caprioli all dance a dance of extreme erotic emotions and situations that tingle the amorous neurons of your brain!
Must watch this :  on a rainy boring November afternoon. Make yourself an espresso con panna, grab a hot and steamy chocolate croissant and enjoy this film alone. Tinto gives lessons as to how love and sex should be!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092720/

#instadick

Yeah, and that's kind of how I created the first phone...

Da fuck old man?

Killer Party (1986)

  Three college girl friends decide to join a sorority. After they face their challenges and get admitted, they organize a party in a forbidden frat building where many years ago a member of a fraternity was "accidentally" killed. Out to have fun, no one will believe what is coming for them...
  This one flick here is a classic 80's slasher but with a bit of twist. William Fruet decides to walk off the beaten path and combines serial killers with demon possession. I can't say I was not impressed as the result is quite fascinating but I have got to protest against two deficiencies ; gore and nudity. In my dictionary, slasher films have plenty of gore which this film lacks and all the female cast at one point or another gets half naked at least once, something which only happens in one scene! Were it not for these two, we would be talking about a very good slasher with the guts to be a classic!
  Because the female cast is so beautiful, that is why is more pity that they are not nude! Meet Joanna Johnson, the ever-frightened college girl who gets possessed, and Elaine Wilkes and Sherry Willis-Burch as her best friends. Personally, I fell in love with Willis-Burchbut it was no good anyway ; she lost her legs anyway!
Must watch this : this one calls for nacho-covered french fries and huge-ass burgers! Invite your girl and watch it together on a random autumn night.
Segment
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091338/

College life

Is this the set for Swamp Thing?

Ehmm.guys, I think I changed the gravity

Day of the Dead (1985)

  A group of  soldiers, scientists and civilians are isolated in an underground bunker while the entire world is tortured by the zombie plague. Seeking a scientific solution to the problem, the group captures and conducts experiments on zombies. When friction begins to arise between soldiers and scientists, everything changes...
  In the third addition to his so-called Dead trilogy, George A. Romero uses the classic recipe ; zombies outside, people inside and at some point the people inside just can't take it no more. The story, set as it is, allows the characters to unfold and play their part in the progress and not just be bullet-spitting maniacs. But when they need to be that, this film does boast some highly believable special effects that bring up a fresh sense of gore!
  It must not be so hard to act in a zombie film. I mean, most of your thunder is stolen by zombies anyway! Either way, the cast uses the script successfully and each actor plays his character to the max. Lori Cardille, only girl inside a group of dicks, Sherman Howard is ZomBob the friendly zombie, Joseph Pilato is enjoyably the prick chief in command and the smooth and always cool rastafari Terry Alexander.
Must watch this :  get your friends, several boxes of low quality pizza and the cheapest combo of soda drinks. Gore goes only with filthy fast food!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088993/

'Scuse me,sir. Where da hospital be?

Be a good lad and don't forget to shave and brush your teeth!

Shotgun!

Bachelor Party (1984)

  Rick Gassko is what you would define a devoted womanizer ; never cares too much about anything, always finds an opportunity to flirt and is always talking about women with his gang. When he decides to get married, his friends organize his bachelor party where he has to prove his loyalty and how serious he can be...
  Around a decade before movies about male friends and casual sex adventures started being catchy, Bachelor Party innocently set the standards! Neal Israel hasn't done such a great job (for a comedy about guys it could have been much funnier) but he took the tradition of the bachelor party and stretched to every extend to see which aspect can be humorous and which can't. The outcome is a casual 105 minutes of slapstick humor and lame puns which in the end leaves a smile on the viewer's face.
  Tom Hanks in his early steps is quite something. His energy and moves show a great bursting character and in the case of this film here, he appears as immature as the role wants him to be. His brother, William Tepper, is as iconic as he is and Tawny Kitaen is the lucky lady who gets to marry him. The rest of the gang is
Barry Diamond, Gary Grossman, Gradford Bancroft, Michael Dudikoff and Adrian Zmed and they are all out to get what hey have waited for so many years. Booze and hookers is the law!
Must watch this : when the most idiot of your friends decides to get married first (you know who that is even before that happens) from the gang. Get ideas about his bachelor party and no matter how much he protests against it, make this party one to be remembered! Just in case, make sure get the strippers' and hookers' phone number!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086927/

Family jewels

Ghandi's girls be practicing the Kama Sutra, partner

When a girl comes in at the party

Scalps (1983)

  Six archeology students are sent out on a research trip in the desert with the task of digging up an old Indian burial site and collecting any material they find. Despite, the warnings of their professor and an old Indian drunkard, they trespass the sacred place and wake up unwanted spirits...
  Fred Olen Ray is an ever-working protector of the cult and sleaze genre. This film is a fine specimen of his early, ultra low-budget and extra sleazy work. Even with a budget of 56,35$ (as I roughly estimated), Freddie manages to create a fantastic mood equal to the loneliness of the desert and as frightful as the windy desert nights. Special effects are not a big plus but you can't have it all either. For a slasher fan,this is a treat ; for any other other person it's total shit!
  Rumor has it, the budget was equally split between the cast in order to pay the fast-food delivery that was needed throughout the shoots. Setting apart all the jokes,though, acting is not that great but it certainly fits just right in the total combination. Jo-Ann Robinson is the one that stands out (both because of her character an her acting) because of that incomparable glare of total daze in her eyes. Like she was baked every day in the sets!
Must watch this : on a hot summer day right after you have prepared this day's lunch ; spaghetti with red wine-and-tomato sauce! After the film, chill with this fucker and dream of deserts filled with Indian spirits!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086248/

Before the smartphone age

Take that mini shovel and dig a hole in your...

Still waiting for my Oscar

Creepshow (1982)

  Inspired by E.C. Comics of the 1950's, five unique stories of horror that chill the blood come to haunt you when you sleep. A dead father comes back to haunt his family, a lone man is infected by a meteorite, a psychopath murders his unfaithful wife, a possessed crate spreads fear and hordes of cockroaches raid a man's house!
  George A. Romero goes over the top once again and works together with Stephen King for this magnificent piece of pulp horror cinema! An amazing atmosphere is strongly vivid throughout the film and each scene is like it's pulling you closer in in a comic book's rusty yellow pages. King lets his fantasy runs fast, Romero lets his camera absorb everything and Tom Savini lets his magic hands brings monstrosities to life!
  If you thought this is actually horrifying then I am afraid I will let you down! This film is all about the horror and Sci-Fi atmosphere; it's like a grandma telling a tale. And because it does take itself too seriously (or does it?), this film employs talents such as Leslie Nielsen, Hal Holbrook, Adrienne Barbeau, E.G. Marshall and Ed Harris for a more classy vibe. Even Stephen King has a little role as the Weed man (I bet that pun was intended by himself too).
Must watch this :  ideally on a rainy November night (or on Halloween), wearing your pajamas and holding your teddy bear real tight! Order a large pizza and a Diet Coca Cola to accompany!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083767/

Damn, bitch. You're as dry as I am!

Make my day, punk!

SHIT! I can't even dial for help!

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

  A group of anthropologists take a journey in the jungles of Colombia hoping to prove that the traditional tribes are not cannibals. They stumble upon a band of drug dealers who use the natives to process the coca leaf. When the natives can't take no more, it's time for a bloody revenge...
  Banned in 31 countries until recently, this film is definitely not a treat for the virgin eyes. Umberto Lenzi spares no expenses in making yet another violently shocking cannibal film. The level of gore is more than the average and you get fancy little scenes of random mutilation, torture and some extra violence on animals (the last one is real). It is rightfully considered a classic in its genre but be warned ; if you are used to tomato-style blood in films maybe you are not ready for it yet!
  Giovanni Lombardo Radice, Lorraine De Selle, Danilo Mattei, Zora Kerova and Walter Lucchini. It's not a surprise many of the actors in the cast where billed with a fake name. Not all actors were confident enough to be sure that their name in a film of such gore and violence would not hurt their possible careers. Nevertheless, the Italian finesse (even in such a film) is visible in the actors' performances ; you can sense that beneath the filth and shock lies talent!
Must watch this : we all have our violent anger outbreaks every now and then. If not, then I should better check myself. The point is that during those outbreaks when you really need to strangle a motherfucker, it is better to put this film to play. You won;t be hurting anyone but still you will get he satisfaction that somebody is getting it, real hard and painful!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082700/

So, how about I show you girls this thing I was talking about the other day?

Da fuck did I do last night?

This sure don't look good