Kiss Me Monster (1969) a.k.a Küß Mich, Monster

  Sexy secret agents Diana and Regina are once again on a secret mission. Following the mysterious trail of a deadly message, the two spies travel to a Caribbean island and seek the traces of a secret society called Abilene that acts in absolute secrecy. Accepting their new mission from Abilene, they will soon find that that end of the mystery is nowhere near...
  Much like Sadist Erotica, Kiss Me Monster is an unorthodox spy spoof film by none other than the notorious Jess Franco. Instead of ultra macho men spies you get two ultra bimbo women spies with an awful taste for a high-class living. Surreal at most of its parts, unbelievable in others, this film guarantees a cheap quality amount of time with a groovy psychedelic soundtrack and the minimum amount of nudity that a Franco film can stand. If you can dig it, dive in!
  Janine Reynaud and Rosanna Yanni are the protagonist super-spy duo. Don't get fooled though. They certainly don't pass for any spies but they can easily go for high maintenance divas. It's not in the purpose of the film to make them look like spies either! Never afraid of danger and always seducing everything in their way they go on and solve the case with or without the help of Chris Howland, Michel Lemoine and Manuel Velasco.
Must watch this : on a hot and slow summer afternoon with a cocktail hard enough to make this movie sufferable! After the film, find the nearest swimming pool and go chill!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061432/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

"Play Smells like teen spirit" "No."

Leave the stage like a lady

We must be getting near Amsterdam

Serpico (1973)

  The film tells the true story of Frank Serpico, a young police officer who is more than ambitious to become a detective. Working his way up to his target, he realizes his line of work is full of corrupt policemen. Serpico goes on and uncovers one of the biggest corruption schemes in the force and becomes a bad guy for all his comrades...
  Al Pacino in his golden years in a film directed by Sidney Lumet.You know what you are getting! Intense emotional escalation and vivid and realistic characters in a story that is more true than the air that we breathe. Serpico was way ahead of its time but still belongs in its time. Had it been filmed in another era, it wouldn't even shake a leaf. So, perfectly positioned in a transcending time of the human race and exploiting basic issues of the times (racism, xenophobia, corruption and dignity), this film manages to give a strong kick in the balls of the educated viewer.
  Al Pacino is the ever-clean cop with a vision of a fair and respectful police force that watches as his hope fades away within thousands of dirty dollars. Facing many double-faced corrupt colleagues, he goes and does what he must with the help of his trusted friends like Tony Roberts and John Randolph. His devotion almost has him killed but after all who doesn't want to be the Serpico in his line of work?
Must watch this : on a random night with the drink of your choice and a fine female company by your side. It's a good start to not scare her with your taste in films!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070666/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Yes, I am a cop. Why the weird looks?

Maybe I should grow a beard!

Beard might have been the wrong choice

Blood Beach (1980)

  Venice Beach, California. It's a hot summer and besides having to deal with all the tourists, the police are troubled with a recent series of disappearances and murders that happen on the beach. Nobody has any idea what is happening. Who are what is behind all this?
  In the mist of all the B (and even lower) movies, Blood Beach directed by Jeffrey Bloom (no wonder he never made more than 10 films) comes to fill up any voids there were in the theme of sea, beach and mystery. Being an ultra low-budget movie, Blood Beach lacks vastly in plot and effects. While the overall atmosphere tries to be ominous and thriller-y, the surrounding sets and effects just won't let it happen. If you got 85 minutes to waste, this is a good time waster.
  Surprisingly enough, the film boasts some high-class cult figures in its cast. Burt Young as a policeman who does not care much and his incomparable facial expression of cosmic boredom says it, John Saxon as the chief of police who is just too nervous, Marianna Hill and David Huffman. Sadly, besides Burt Young and John Saxon acts as if they were in a classic 80's soap opera so the level of emotional intensity goes that far. Had it been some other actors, maybe this film could have achieved a bigger cult status.
Must watch this : you don't miss out on anything if you don't watch this but if you have to watch it get a fatty cheeseburger and fries and have it playing in the background while you eat with your friends.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082083/

When the drugs don't work

Yes, tell me your story. I am all ears!

Motherfuckin' kids and their holes in the sand...

The Dead Zone (1983)

  Johnny Smith falls into a coma after a car accident. When he wakes up, he realizes he has gained some sort of psychic powers that allow him to see a fragmented vision of the truth or the future. Trying to put his life back together again, Johnny also has to find a way to use his "gift"...
  Another Stephen King novel finds its way to the big screen. David Cronenberg gets on with his magic stick ad even though he decided to jump through the book at most parts, the result is still acceptable for any King fan. The classic 80's colors make the film look exactly like what the novel tried to portray and the tension rises gradually and harmoniously. Cronenberg does an overall great job and he still manages to keep the novel's main food for thought ; if you knew, would you do it?
  Bill Murray was King's choice for the leading part but instead Christopher Walken was chosen to be Johnny Smith. Walken's out-of-earth look and uneasy posture give a tremendous plus to his portraying of the character while his slow speech and pause through his movements makes you believe he has actually waked from a coma. Brooke Adams is his long lost girlfriend, Herbert Lom is his friend and doctor, Anthony Zerbe is the man who helps him stand back on his feet and Martin Sheen is his arch enemy and his final mission. 
Must watch this : with garlic bread and Coca Cola, wrapped up in blankets on a random cold melancholic winter night! Each film to its own mood!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085407/

Excuse me. My milk is cold, sir!

Oh, no! Not American Idol again...

You can't shoot me! I am holding a baby

The Mountain of the Cannibal God (1978) a.k.a La Montagna Del Dio Cannibale

 Susan's anthropologist husband gets lost in the New Guinean jungle. In an attempt to save him, she convinces her brother and one of her colleagues to join her in an jungle expedition. Early inside their jungle trip, they get attacked by a cannibal tribe and saving their lives becomes a vital priority...
  Legendary Italian director Sergio Martino is not afraid to go all the way in this classic cannibal film. The colourful jungle forest scenes make the the film more vividly believable and the addition of a cult-fully presented tribe elevate it to another cult status. The 103 minutes of the film are alive with shocking violence between humans but also between animals and humans. Those with a taste for animal rights better stay away as this is no documentary and the animal blood is real!
  Ursula Andress is utterly enjoyable and breathtaking (as usual) as the classic bimbo scream queen that faces danger but still finds a way out of it by flashing her beauty. Stacy Keach finds the right balance between a macho and a city person but in the end his macho swag comes out and saves the day. An overall good experience acting-wise way far from the coldness of Hollywood. Viva Italia!
Must watch this : with a fresh exotic salad and a Mai Tai on a random summer afternoon. After the film, go to the beach and try not turning into a cannibal with everything you see there!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077945/

You came to wrong turf, motherfucker

Hmm Hmm. sweet black thing!

Bite the stick. It's gonna hurt

Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

  Linda Westinghouse works in a Turkish legal firm and is often troubled with erotic nightmares about a sexy female vampire that seduces her. When she gets assigned on the case of Countess Nadine Carody, Linda recognizes in her the vampire of her dreams.Is Linda losing her mind or is it all happening?
  Summer has deeply kicked in around here and the only thing better than a cold beer is a Jess Franco film about lesbian vampires,trippy psychedelia and erotic atmosphere. Using his well-known techniques, Franco manages to emphasize on the beauty of the woman body creating a picturesque result without falling into the trap of porn. Dreamy sequences, hazy mood, a pure 60's psychedelic soundtrack by Siegfried Schwab and a plot that is exploitative enough will definitely make you lose your mind.
  Ewa Strömberg is Linda, a pretty young lady who is gets hunted by the seducing vampire Countess Nadine, beautifully played by Soledad Miranda. Both actresses display some very theatrical talent in their performances but undoubtedly Soledad stands out for the incredible look in her eyes. Something between "high beyond all points" and "horny as hell" that surely made Dennis Price fall for her charm and powers.
Must watch this : after you have consumed a hefty amount of bad quality alcohol, a pack of cigarettes and a manly joint, allow yourself to be drowned in this film's heavy smoke on a random hot summer night. Cool off with a ride in your car and this fucker blasting !
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066380/.

First 3 minutes in the film...It's gonna be good

I am leaving you, Mary, for Pierre. He is a much better lover!

Are those real?

The Inconsolable Widow Thanks All Those Who Consoled Her (1973) a.k.a La Vedova Inconsolabile Ringrazia Quanti La Consolarono

   Catarina Prevosti's husband get tragically killed in a car accident and leaves her with grief and a huge amount of cash that legally is not hers. In order to get hold of the money, her plotting mother will convince her to get pregnant within a month and convince the lawyers that she is carrying her late husband's baby...
  Italian producers and directors said let's thrive in another genre besides Giallo, Horror and Western and so they started to experiment with Sex Comedies. This film here is a fine example of this genre since it's both exploitation and somewhat of quality. Mariano Laurenti directs and the story falls in the same category with American Pie but with the distinctive difference that this one here took actual humans to write and there is a hint of a twisted plot. So, if you are open-minded enough to take a lewd sexual pun or two and you are ready to laugh with stretched social situations, give it a try.
  Edwige Fenech is delightful to watch and goes smoothly from a poor widow with an apt for good acting to a bitch that has to have her money. I wouldn't want her to be my wife (I wouldn't mind something else, though), that's for sure! Carlo Giuffrè, Didi Perego, Guido Leontini and Pino Ferrara all bind perfectly together in this tragic/comical 98 minutes filled with steamy vibrations.
Must watch this : with Italian friends, thin crust pizza and lemonade on a random summer evening.
Whole Movie
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072356/

You want a piece of this?

Why do I have to wear so many clothes?

Bite the pillow!