For Y'ur Height Only (1981)

  An evil mastermind, Mr. Giant, has kidnapped the very bright scientist Dr. Van Kohler in order to abuse his latest creation and hold the world ransom. The only man out there who can help is the magnificent Agent 00 with his incredible martial arts skills and his 3-foot-tall height...
  Even if this movie is a super funny spoof of the 60's and 70's spy films, it takes itself very seriously. Eddie Nicart's debut as a director and it certainly is not a normal start. Not when you get to direct the adventures of a 3-foot tall karateka and his attempts to save the world. Surprisingly enough, the film manages to create the humorous atmosphere without laughing at the protagonist which is something very tactful to achieve.
  Weng Weng is a true legend in his own world. Despite his miniature size, he managed to go up in fame by  acting in such ultra cheap, ultra cheesy films. Not giving a shit about height and size obstacles, Weng Weng goes through the action scenes as if he was a normal-sized actor and does so with an incredible swag. Plus, he is quite the ladies man, since females like Yehlen Catral goes nuts for his little nuts!
Must watch this : this movie needs a open mind and good mood to enjoy it otherwise you will fall into the trap of taking it seriously. Order some fast food, call up your friends and enjoy with lots of beer on a random September evening!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0200642/

Down, bitch!

Shit, my milk will go sour

San Andreas cheat code in almost real life

Unforgiven (1992)

  After, two cowboys knife a prostitute in a small American town, the town's sheriff has the difficult task of throwing off any gunslinger coming to town to collect the prostitute's revenge bounty. An old-time criminal and killer decides to go on one last bad deed to save his children and his farm from poverty...
  The Unforgiven is a reminder that the old West is not yet won. Following a classic Western story and progress, Clint Eastwood fills up this film with much more elements that separate it from the genre of just-another-western-movie. Heavy emotion, characters run down by life, violence and pain give a more realistic mood to this western making it a beautiful combination of adventure and drama. Hats off to Clint Eastwood who proves himself with every film he directs.
  As a man who likes things into his own hands, Clint Eastwood also stars as the old and growing but once hard-case criminal who tiredly takes on this new job. Morgan Freeman follows him as his old-time partner and still good friend and Jaimz Woolvett is the annoying ambitious youngster who follows them but thinks that leads them. Gene Hackman very vividly portrays a gunslinger legend who now is the sheriff of this rusty town. Worlds collide and bullets give the answer!
Must watch this : on a random night when you are not getting any sleep. Have this playing and enjoy with a glass of milk. The emotion won't let you sleep afterwards but still it will be worth the trouble!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105695/

Wait, we gotta go back. I forgot my iPad

Hold it, please. I gotta run to the bathroom!

Come on asshole. Make my day!

Master and Commander - The Far Side of the World (2003)

   Captain Jack Aubrey and his crew of able men sail the seas in defense of the name of the British Empire during the Napoleonic Wars. A French captain is on their tail with his advantageous new ship but Captain Jack Aubrey is a real sea wolf...
  Notable director Peter Weir presents a really fascinating film about seamanship and comradeship. Picturesquely set in the Napoleonic Wars (after all it is taken from Patrick O'Brian's books), Master and Commander combines the qualities of an epic film and the thrilling adventure that all sea films include. Neat work on the costumes and historical representation make the art of seamanship and the qualities of manhood appear more vivid than ever. A must for any sea lover and naval battle enthusiast.
  Russel Crow is the brave and fearless Captain Jack Aubrey and I must add that this part suits him the most. Crowe seems to fit right in this part and convince fully as the sea battle master that just won't back down. Amazing Paul Bettany is his best friend and co-fighter doctor from whom Aubrey gets reminded of his humanity. James D'Arcy, Edward Woodall, Max Pirkis and Billy Boyd as well as many others fill the sets for the rest of the crew!
Must watch this : if you are a sailor, watch this on your yacht with a glass of Scotch whiskey. If you are a simple man, go fishing in the morning, cook what you catch (or what you bought to lie about what you caught) and enjoy this film with your fish dish and ouzo.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311113/
In favor of all the sweet-water sailors back at my Maritime Studies School!

Onward to the islands of booty...

Damn, the ass on that one is de-lightful...I gotta tell the boys

What did I tell you, boys! That ass deserves an Oscar

A Fistful of Dollars (1964) a.k.a Per Un Pugno Di Dollari

  A mysterious gunslinger with no name arrives in a rusty old town by the Mexican border. He soon sees that the town is torn apart by a burning hatred between the two leading families there. He decides to fuel the fire for his own profit...
  The film that started it all! Sergio Leone puts his mark on the beginning film of the so-called trilogy of the Man with no name.There's guns a-blazing, wind a-blowing and sand a-covering everything on this masterpiece of film art. Heavy atmosphere (like the one you get when too much testosterone come around) that makes you take the movie seriously from the start and a fast-pacing plot that won't let you take your mind from it. I don't think there is anything more compelling than western films like this especially when the soundtrack (by Ennio Morricone) is equally breathtakingly good!
  As always, Clint Eastwood is amazing and presents a flawless depiction of his character. Swift and cunning, he takes on his enemies one by one. Gian Maria Volonté, Antonio Prieto, Sieghardt Rupp and Wolfgang Lukschy meet their master in his face and regret their hate-driven lives. And since there had to be a woman role to ease the mood, Marianne Koch fits perfect right in the middle!
Must watch this : call up your real men friends (make sure they are real men) and enjoy this film while sampling cigars and bourbon on hot summer night!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058461/

I don't want to talk about it, all right?

MmmmHmmm, dat ass!

Put down the bag!

The Wizard of Gore (1970)

  A mysterious performer becomes the talk of the town when he starts his live show in which he performs illusion tricks with lots of realistic gore. A TV hostess and her boyfriend start closing in on him as they feel that he can hypnotize people and make them participate in his deadly shows. What is real and what is not?
   Herschell Gordon Lewis was already a known figure in the world of sleazy cult when he made this film. And that fact ensures that the Wizard of Gore is going to be full of the cheap-thrill and sleazy elements that we love. The amount of gore is generous enough to satisfy even the most demanding sick eye. Together with the heavy air of exploitation that lingers on the film and the twisting plot, The Wizard of Gore is an entertaining flick for any open-minded viewer.
  Classic acting for a film of this kind but not the bad kind. Ray Sager goes all in his role as Montag, the perverted magician and Judy Cler tries unsuccessfully to stop him from killing all those innocent bimbos. Even if the overall acting is not so bad, all the actors seem to be trying to much to seem as actual actors, like they know someone is watching and they are tense to appear realistic. This did not set me off but made the film seem more down to earth and thus surrealistic!
Must watch this : make a juicy steak with the blood and everything and celebrate gore and murder by watching this film and then blasting this butchery shit !
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066578/

What happens if I mix Jagermeister with Red Bull?

No, without onions, thank you! Yes, the Ministry of Internal Affairs, second floor

Bitches be fallin' for my charm!

The House By The Cemetery (1981) a.k.a Quella Villa Accanto Al Cimitero

  Norman Boyle and his family, Bob and Lucy, move in to a new house in New England in which Norman's old colleague murdered his wife. Out for rough new start, a creepy babysitter is hired for Bob, who starts to be friends with Mae, a girl he only sees. When Bob, gets to the basement, the house's dark secrets are about to unfold...
  Borrowing elements from other notable films of the same genre, Lucio Folci manages to put together an interesting piece of Italian supernatural horror. The colors and settings (a mansion is always scary) of the film definitely upgrade the frightful and doomy atmosphere while a carefully executed soundtrack binds it all together. Surely worth its trouble, The House of The Cemetery is a classic in its category and a must see for any dedicated fan.
  Paolo Malco and  Catriona MacColl are the couple who just couldn't listen to their son's objections on moving! Giovanni Frezza is the sweet preschooler with an eye for beautiful dead girls of his age like Silvia Collatina. Ania Pieroni is the babysitter who besides being fucking creepy can easily fulfill any sick fantasies about babysitters!
Must watch this :  in a holiday house in the woods in the middle of nowhere when you are on a trip with your friends! Have a nice day with hiking and stuff but when the night comes be afraid of secrets in the house! Yikes!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082966/

And I just went and bought the most haunted!

I wonder why I can't open the door

Kid's got some balls

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

  Clarice Starling, a young F.B.I trainee, is assigned on the case of Dr. Hannibal Lecter and her job is to create a psychological profile of him. From their conversations, the agent manages to collect information about another serial killer, Bufallo Bill, and while everyone is busy hunting him, Hannibal makes his out of the prison...
  Jonathan Demme directs the second film ever to tell the story of Hannibal Lecter, the man-eating serial killer that lived in the books of Thomas Harris. Heavily atmospheric and dark, this film can make you stay breathless for its most part. Using the right amounts of gore and of course lots of psychological tension, The Silence of The Lmbs grabs you by the hair, pulls you in its devouring hunger and does not let go utnil you scream!
  Anthony Hopkins steals everybody's thunder in the film and that is justifiable. His overall performance together with his mentally calm look and movement really makes you think this man is indeed a lunatic killer! Jodie Foster works well by his side as the tense but ambitious F.B.I agent. Cult icons Roger Corman and Charles Napier also make cameo appearances!
Must watch this : alone on a rainy November night and then try to eat meat!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102926/

Welcome to my humble abode. Will you stay for dinner?

Here, bitch! Grab your lunch!

Yeas, Clarice,wanna come over again? I am having a friend for dinner!