The Mission (1986)

  A group of Jesuit missionary priests succeeded in building a small community of local tribes that have recently turned to Christianity. Sheltered in the jungle, the mission gives home to a former mercenary who tries to find peace with his crime. When the church decides to break the mission's operation and oust the people, the priests must take a stand...
  Roland Joffé delivers a very controversial film. While The Mission's story, cast and starting ambitions are very promising, the progress of the film reveals a different result than the expected. The overall "lesson"of the film is quite mature thought-wise ; the controversy on the subject on what is God's will and what is man's thirst for power? Sadly, the film doe snot get to explore that question adequately and the viewer may be left with a feeling of blankness in the end.
  Nevertheless, because this film boasts some very good actors, one can not just turn his look away from it and one shouldn't either. Robert De Niro is a vicious man in love who kills his brother and then gets crazy-guilty about it, Jeremy Irons is a holy man who pays just a little bit too much respect to the human laws, Ray McAnally is the local man in power and hardly cares about what will happen and Liam Nesson in a surprise-surprise role!
Must watch this : if you want to state that "I have watched all of De Niro's films" then you should watch this film on any given chance. Otherwise, watch if you can;t find anything more interesting to watch!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091530/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Get off, you little peasants!

My eyes are up here!

Fus Ro Daaa

Master and Commander - The Far Side of the World (2003)

   Captain Jack Aubrey and his crew of able men sail the seas in defense of the name of the British Empire during the Napoleonic Wars. A French captain is on their tail with his advantageous new ship but Captain Jack Aubrey is a real sea wolf...
  Notable director Peter Weir presents a really fascinating film about seamanship and comradeship. Picturesquely set in the Napoleonic Wars (after all it is taken from Patrick O'Brian's books), Master and Commander combines the qualities of an epic film and the thrilling adventure that all sea films include. Neat work on the costumes and historical representation make the art of seamanship and the qualities of manhood appear more vivid than ever. A must for any sea lover and naval battle enthusiast.
  Russel Crow is the brave and fearless Captain Jack Aubrey and I must add that this part suits him the most. Crowe seems to fit right in this part and convince fully as the sea battle master that just won't back down. Amazing Paul Bettany is his best friend and co-fighter doctor from whom Aubrey gets reminded of his humanity. James D'Arcy, Edward Woodall, Max Pirkis and Billy Boyd as well as many others fill the sets for the rest of the crew!
Must watch this : if you are a sailor, watch this on your yacht with a glass of Scotch whiskey. If you are a simple man, go fishing in the morning, cook what you catch (or what you bought to lie about what you caught) and enjoy this film with your fish dish and ouzo.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311113/
In favor of all the sweet-water sailors back at my Maritime Studies School!

Onward to the islands of booty...

Damn, the ass on that one is de-lightful...I gotta tell the boys

What did I tell you, boys! That ass deserves an Oscar

Braveheart (1995)

  The story of William Wallace, one of Scotland's greatest heroes, and how he managed to play a major role in the Scottish Independence. Starting by killing the sheriff of his hometown when he killed his wife, Wallace leads a group of commoners and soon joins forces with the rest of the Scottish clans against the English. But freedom is never free...
  Mel Gibson directs (and stars) in this masterpiece of a film. Although historically inaccurate in most parts, the film does not fail to provide a high quality historical war film, with the proper settings, costumes and story that a proper historical war film should have. Its 3 hours may seem too much at first but Gibson manages to make them flow like cold water. So, get your kilt on and become a man!
  I consider Mel Gibson to be a talented actor (and director) despite what is being said about him lately. In this film, Gibson succeeds in making Wallace one of the most heroic figures in modern cinema and does so without relying on film cliches about male figures. With proper moves and with the proper cast by his side like Sophie Marceau, Patrick McGoohan, Angus Macfadyen, crazy David O'Hara and Seán McGinley, Gibson easily makes this film your favorite, if you have the minimum amount of balls to call yourself a man!
Must watch this : only with the people that you have the respect and decency to call your best friends (women and douchebags stay away). Gather up, get a six pack of Scottish ale, some barbeque and enjoy this film with tears in your eyes and adrenaline in your veins. Then, each one of you go and devote this sentimental fucker to your loved one!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112573/

Hmmmm, fresh kush!

Gimme back my stash, motherfucker!

Shit, I am utterly high!

Erik the Conqueror (1961) a.k.a Gli Invasori

  A Viking invasion in Britain in the 9th century does not go too well. Two boys, brothers, are brutally separated and raised apart, one by the Vikings and the other by the British. 20 years later, during the war for the control of England, the two brothers meet again as rivals in a sudden twist of faith...
  Mario Bava in his old-school sword-and-sandal style once again. And once again the result is pretty good. Combining his love for the gothic and heroic sagas, Bava blesses this film with amazing colors, settings and costumes, the later of which may not be too precise chronologically but who cares! The action flows violently, the arrows pierce the sky, it's time for the barbarians to take over!
  As the film circles around the two brothers, Giorgio Ardisson and Cameron Mitchell become the center of the attention. We get some high class acting right here especially from Mitchell who appears fierce and brutal in every way. Andrea Checchi is the man htat becomes their arch enemy and a slimy motherfucker indeed! And since this film is Italian, it wouldn't count without Alice Kessler and Ellen Kessler, sisters in reality and in film, who each get their piece of that Viking pie!
Must watch this : on a lazy summer morning with a freddo cappuccino and fruits for breakfast. The sea scenes will make you want to swim so, after the film, go to the nearest beach and go nuts!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055022/ 

Damn! This is cold!

Voting procedures in Viking tradition

Shit, man! Where did you get that tattoo? It's so rad!

 

Yojimbo (1961)

  A wandering ronin arrives in a small town that has plunged into ruination after two opposite gangs have settled there. The ronin finds himself in the middle of an ongoing war and has to pick sides. Eventually he chooses the right side, his own...
  Critically acclaimed Akira Kurosawa directs this classic Jidaigeki (a.k.a period drama) and God damn if this isn't good! Considered by many the point of reference (alongside other films of the genre) for many outstanding spaghetti westerns, this film pays respect to the forgotten ways of master-less samurais and their times. Amazing settings and costumes,incredible atmosphere (it's like time-travel) and a story as heavy as the hero's balls!
  Any Japanese film that respects itself has a cast that respects itself too. Thankfully, that's the deal with this film too! Toshirô Mifune plays an incredible macho ronin with a glance as scary as a samurai demon and rage as fierce as the Japanese wind. By his side, an amazing,  highly acclaimed cast from which Tatsuya Nakadai stands out, as the arch enemy and only worth opponent of the hero.
Must watch this : on a windy autumn night, with the wind howling wildly out your window. Dim the lights, have some incense burning, get a cup of Japanese herbal tea and a bigger cup of sake. Let the liquids drown you slowly in the film's mood while you seek to find your inner vicious man inside you!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055630/ 

Damn, you big!

Gotcha!

That's right, ladies. Panties be dropping down slowly!

The Last Samurai (2003), by Silent Guardian

 1876. Captain Nathan Algren, a former war legend and drunkard, is hired by the Japanese military forces as an advisor in order to destroy the samurai clans that still resist to surrender. Captured by the samurais in a battle, he gets stuck in their village and finds out that he was on the wrong side after all...
  Edward Zwick, as a director, captures unprecedentedly and effectively the meaning, the honor and the tradition of the Samurai. A concept forgotten in an era where the value of the ethical code of the Samurai seems to be a thing of another dimension, this film succeeds in portraying only a glimpse of their long lost glory.
   Tom Cruise does surprisingly well in his role as a Japanised newborn American who finds a way to escape from his shit, booze-soaked life. Ken Watanabe is the man who captures him at first but then ecomes his teacher, mentor, new-life initiator and finally a friend in battle! Finally, Koyuki plays Taka, an dead samurai's wife and the love of Captain Algren. Heavy mood, heavy acting about something that needs even heavier balls ; freedom!
Must watch this : with your father, your grandfather and your best friends. Gather, make primitive manly food and try to hide your tears in the end. Besides, you are men and men just weep.
***Dedicated to the writer, because it helped him gather powers to move on in a very difficult period of his life, teaching him that honor is a rare value that slowly disappears from our times.
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0325710/ 

I am utterly drunk right now. Can you tell?

Did you just touch my ....? Da fuck?

I am here to kick some Japanese ass, no offense boys.

Witchfinder General (1968) a.k.a The Conqueror Worm

  17th century. England is divided in two by the civil war. Matthew Hopkins, the notorious witch hunter, takes the chance to satisfy his own sadistic intents and make a good profit of it. Entering a village to practice his usual tricks, he finds opposition by a soldier ready to put an end to his reign...
  If Michael Reeves had lived longer we would have many more notable cult movies like this. R.I.P, though, as he exceeded all expectations with this film here! Excellent cinematography and  sets (after all it is a British production), impressive acting and a story based on the real witch hunter! The film may come shocking to some people for its scenes of excessive violence and the overall belief in the film that human life has no actual value. Wait, is this film talking about the 17th century or the 21st?
  Vincent Price is Matthew Hopkins as only he must have been the only actor ballsy enough to take up such a role. Pure evil and malevolence all mixed up in a weird dedication to Christian beliefs? Vincent Price has just the thing for it! Ian Ogilvy does an equally god job as his arch enemy who sees through his thick layer of lies and religious deception!
Must watch this : with a cup of Earl Grey tea, buttered scones and cake on a rainy March afternoon. After the film contemplate society's march through the ages and how pathetically it is heading to a violent social dead end.
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063285/ 

Should I carve DICK on his back?

Do I smell fart?

Beliebers beaten to death, photo from archive circa 1640