Carlito's Way (1993)

  The story follows Carlito, a Puerto Rican mobster who just got out of prison. His notorious name and deeds get in his way of trying to stay away from his dark past while he struggles to clear his name and start fresh. His dealings with an ambitious and dirty lawyer stall even longer his getting away from New York for a new place and life...
  Brian De Palma has a secret but easily recognizable recipe for a crime drama film! Carlito's way follows paths that had already proven successful with Scarface but still, De Palma manages to create a fresh crime classic. Carlito's way focuses not only on the face-value of  sex, drugs and rock n' roll of the mafia life but also on the vanity and pain that surrounds such a lifestyle. Topped up with a mood-setting soundtrack and a nostalgic-y cinematography, this film makes for an instant viewing pleasure.
  Not much needs to be said about Pacino's acting on this one or in general. You get what you expect ; a solid performance of a character that is both a cruel son-of-a-bitch and a lover too. Sean Penn, on the other hand, is what really catches the eye. His personification of the lawyer that's much too eager to get his hands dirty but doesn't really have the balls for it is really something unique. Penelope Ann Miller also contributes an extra something to the plot as the girl madly in love with Carlito but so out of anything criminal that it hurts just to see them together.
Must watch this : on a hot summer night together with four hefty glasses of your choice of poison. Getting a bit drunk will help you get the feels with this movie even more. Just be careful of the ending! The real lesson of the movie is Regret Nothing but Regret Everything!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106519/?ref_=nv_sr_1

I know how you feel but we will try to get back that teddy bear

"Damn, that was spicy" "Who dat?" "Did I really turn off the oven?"

"Bye, Felicia"

Sorceress (1982)

  Evil wizard Traigon must sacrifice his firstborn child to a dark deity. His wife disagrees and in order to save her twin daughters, she runs away from him. The two girls grow up by the side of a warrior named Krona who protects and trains them. After twenty years of absence, Traigon returns and he sets out to finish the job; to sacrifice his daughters...
  After an hour and a half, I was still looking for a Sorceress but she was nowhere to be found. Anyway! Sorceress is an early 80's Sword&Sandal epic (?) movie directed by legendary cult director Jack Hill and produced by Roger Corman. Rumor has it that Corman interfered so much in the editing that Hill was disappointed and decided to remove his name in the credits as a director. You can really sense that this movie was put together really fast in order to cash in on Conan's success as a film of the same genre. Unfortunately, in that token, Sorceress does not cut it but at least it provides with 83 minutes of pure B-movie fun. It is filled with clever sexual innuendos, cheap but entertaining 80's special effects and costumes, a fair amount of action and fantastic beasts and alive things (sic) inspired by almost any "epic" era or tale you can imagine. Some may not be huge fans of "All-In-One" soups like this but I certainly had fun.
  Except from the sexy blonde twins, Leigh & Lynette Harris (ex-Playboy Playmates), almost everyone else is Mexican. It makes sense since the film was shot in Mexico in order to ensure lower production costs. Roberto Ballesteros plays the evil father/wizard, Bruno Rey is Baldar, David Millbern is Pando (my personal favorite, a Satyr) and Roberto Nelson is Elrick. For a B-movie such as this, the overall acting quality is actually above average and very convincing throughout the entire film. The actors certainly did more than they had to, that's for sure!
Should you or should you not watch this? I don't know...Do you want to see a half-man/half-goat getting all voyeur-y on a couple of naked blonde twins swimming in a lake? Do you want to see what the cheapest special effects in 1982 could produce? Then, the answer is clear!
Must watch this :  on a lazy, bored Sunday afternoon after you have enjoyed a hefty BBQ lunch. Grab a soda and tune in on that shit. For the afterburner, blast this!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086340/

20 years early for a Gimli tryout, dude, but i like your effort!

How did my life end up like this?

It is not obvious what I am supposed to be but it is obvious that I am

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

  Dr. DeMarco conducts his morbid experiments secretly while attempting to create humanoids put together from various body parts with the ultimate goal of controlling them using his electronic devises.  When one if his creations escapes, it sets off on a killing spree and draws the attention of the F.B.I, the C.I.A and other agencies. While everyone is trying to stop him, the mad doctor puts every effort in fulfilling his goal...
  Given the fact that Ted V. Mikels directed this one, it does not strike as a surprise to anyone who watches this film as to why this film is like that. Don't get me wrong, though. This film has every little aspect that guarantees a Z-rate cult film success and that is pretty much everything in small doses. Little bit of Science-Fiction,a little bit of Gore, a pinch of Spy/Mystery adventure and if you add to that a strong essence of Psychedelia then you get AstroZombies. Sadly, the film lacks a strong amount of any of its aforementioned elements to reciprocate for plotholes and a absurd storyline. But even so, AstroZombies does not get crappy enough to be labeled as "Must not watch this". You just need enough psychoactive substances, I guess...
  To be honest, that main thing that draw my attention to this flick (and I am guessing most people's out there) is the fact that Tura Satana has a role in it. Plus, the fact that it is one of the last films that Wendell Corey appears in. For those that don't know, Tura Satana played the iconic role in Faster! Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Corey had a long career in both cinema and television. John Carradine (another well-respected actor with a long career) plays the mad scientist and it makes sense that the plot revolves around him too. Additional roles by Tom Pace and Joan Patrick. Thumbs up for the humanoid and the original poster artwork. They really had me there!
Must watch this : strictly for the thrill of it! I mean, come on, it has everything you need to fill a good 92 minutes. Enough action to not let you get bored, enough psychedelic dancing (?) and goodlooking ladies and enough fake science theories and gore. Just make sure there is enough cider in the fridge to go with the flick. Sour and sparkly as they are both.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064048/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

When you eyelash game is on point *SLAY*

Bang, Bang. She shot me down!

If I keep starring at it then maybe I may seem more convincing

Check to the Queen (1969) a.k.a Scacco Alla Regina

  A disappointed young wife, bored with her life, decides to work for a strange actor/model for as long as her husband is away for business. Her duty is to assist the "signora" with anything she desires on a daily basis and, most of al, tolerate her obnoxious character without a complaint. But as their weird employer-employee relationship progresses, X will find out the darker truth inside herself; that she is only happy when she is dominated...
  Pasquale Festa Campanile is the director of this beautiful Italian film and I must admit I was not aware of his work before I watched it. The flick follows a classic recipe of Italian giallo without being a giallo ; the mood, the color, the music, the atmosphere are all there minus the "thriller" characteristic. No, "Scacco Alla Regina" is somewhere out there without fitting into an exact category ; sometimes humorous, somewhat cheesy, kinda sexy, surely classy and psychedelic, so...Yeah! You get the point. Hands down, this is a good film, not boring at all and certainly lets time flow but keeps you focused. Highly recommended for those bored of typical films about sexual and sensual domination!
  Since this is an Italian flick, I think I do not need to make a big introduction about the cast of the film, especially the ladies! Get ready to feast your eyes on some superb examples of what a Italian "donna" is. Our lady viewers can also find their prince here too, so better notes. Rosanna Schiaffino, Haydee' Politoff, Romolo Valli, Aldo Giuffre and Daniela Surina. Easy-going characters (well mostly) played by breezy actors so in the end you get a very smooth result. Don't expect any hardcore stuff here in terms of domination, only vanilla, stylish and everyday kinky vices. You gotta love that you will hate (and hate that you will love) the domina in this film, though! She is totally convincing and would definitely persuade you to obey her, for sure!
Must watch this : when you move into your first, new house. Let the exhaustion of moving and carrying all your things carry you in a chill out mood. Pour yourself some cold Vinsanto and enjoy!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0166789/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

So, I told him " Well, yes, love! I am coming down immediately". And, yeah, he is downstairs waitin' 

There! Now you are a complete bowl of fruits!

Take that, you cheeky cunt!

Pit Stop (1969)

  Rick Bowman, a car junkie and speed addict, is approached by a shady guy who wants to sponsor him to participate in a new form of automobile racing, the Figure 8. This is a very dangerous kind of sport as the risks of crashing and getting killed is the actual point of it all. Rick will face his arch enemy and try to make it out alive...
  Jack Hill is a very respectable director and writer of the celluloid underground. Throughout the years he found his perfect balance of sleaze, trash and exploitation, all boosted by an aspiration to become something greater. Hence his films have a more "normal" feel to them than the average B-movie. His greatest achievements, though, were his contribution to the Blaxploitation genre and this film is just 3 years before that! By that token, Pit Stop should interest even as little as to see the progress he would later make. Of course, it is more than that...
  The cast some interesting appearances. It is the kind of cast that wanted something bigger for themselves although certain factors contributed to that never happening during their career. And you can feel and see that in their eyes. And you can imagine them at the same time as you are watching this film, sitting on their couch, reminiscing, with the whole nostalgic,melancholic Tarantinesque vibe. But, that is still OK, because people like Richard Davalos, Ellen Burstyn, Sid Haig, Beverly Washburn and Brian Donlevy are the actual everyday heroes we need to keep it going. To remind us that dreams are out there to be chased even if the chase is as vain as a car racing and chasing the sun...
Must watch this : on a hot spring Sunday morning. After the film, expect an unbeatable urge to get in your car,turn that key around and drive for as far as the tank can take ya!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064819/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Sponsorship, hmmm?!So, what kind of cash you willing to give?!

Girlfriend's face when you do a stunt with the car and risk getting killed *that moment right before*

We don't no need no brakes, mister. Take 'em off!

Blood Feast (1963)

  Suburban Miami during the 60's. An elegant lady is organizing a celebratory feast and decides to ask the help of a local, highly recommended caterer. Only this is no ordinary caterer and he will do anything to collec the body parts he needs in order to wake an ancient Egyptian goddess back to life...
  Man, how do I love these films?! When everyone sees just another ultra low fidelity, super cheap and sleazy shitty film, I see a revolution. An involuntary one, to be exact. Sure, this is another one of those cheap films that geeks only watch, but see how easily Herschell Gordon Lewis spits in the eye of the politically correct society and demeanor of his times. See how breezily he does not try to convince you of his artistic talent but rather grab you by the hair and drag you down the path that is Z-grade cinema, free of pretention, art for art. And when art is done for art, you know it has absolutely no meaning!
  Mal Arnold is the sick caterer with the dark motives, Connie Mason is the little innocent sacrificial (sic) lamb (and boy how soft her flesh looks), Lyn Bolton is her mother who unbeknown to her  has let the Egyptian slayer in their house and William Kerwin is the man who can put an end to it all! No tricks here, what you see is what you get. Raw acting or even raw absence of acting but the feeling is right. Downright filthy, straigt-edge cult! Dig in!
Must watch this : extra large portion of lamb chops, a big bowl of lettuce on the side (you gotta get those fibers,baby!) and a glass of brandy. You are going to need that taste of blood in your mouth while watching this gem!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056875/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Gee! You are a real butcher...with your prices!

When you wrap some meat up for a meat roll-up. Mmmmm!

But, baby! I just could not resist that ass!

Hannibal (2001)

  Hannibal Lecter now lives in self-exile in Italy. FBI agent Clarice Starling now has to face all the weight of the disgrace from Lecter's open case. A previous victim with enough power and connections will claim revenge on Lecter and once again the trail of blood continues...
  Ridley Scott decides to go big with the followup on Silence of the Lambs. Though not as good the its predecessor, Hannibal does maintain the same air of a quality thriller. We are left to discover more extensively the intriguing character of Hannibal and probably delve deeper into his "twisted" sense of reality. Extra points for the Rome scenes, class and history together with raw violence and blood ! Magnifico!
  Anthony Hopkins is truly a unique actor. Every role he has played, he made it into something really authentic ; always a wise, intelligent, classy man with respect to women. And it's interesting here too that all these attributes are accustomed to a cannibal! Julianne Moore for some reason breaks my nerves so I can't be a good judge of her. Ray Liotta is purely entertaining especially in the end while  Gary Oldman has a special appearance too! Don't miss it!
Must watch this : strictly with Tartar steak and a good double brewed strong ale. For iron stomachs only!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212985/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Got shaved too fast. Now I am full of scars. Can you tell?

Is that a sandwich?

Me & my friends entering a restaurant

Brüno (2009)

  Brüno is a gay Austrian tele-persona. After a dramatic change in his luck, his career in Europe is ruined and he decides to travel to America and challenge his potentials there. Almost alone, Brüno will face the "hard" side of America but will find his way in the end...
  After Borat's great success (hate it or love it, Borat really changed something in what we call comedy today), Larry Charles and Cohen went on and tried out a second social experiment. The target is again the puritan America and this time the bait for ridicule is homosexuality and social acceptance. But of course, you don't expect anything medium when Cohen gets in the way ; only a good drop of the extreme stuff!
  Cohen's talent to fully adapt and delve deeper into his roles is amazing. This is what an actor should anyway but such devotion is rare in our days, no matter how goofy or serious the character is. Cohen manages to project that awkward gay vie that makes all homophobes shake with anger. Ain't that something! Kudos to Gustaf Hammarsten and Clifford Bañagale for some of the most politically incorrect and awkward humorous scenes I've ever seen. Cycling anyone?!
Must watch this : with an open mind. If you feel that you will be offended by homosexuality, you may as well get past this. This could offend both homosexuals and homophobes at the same time! In any other case, make yourself a Cosmopolitan and enjoy this with long, slim cigarettes! Classy!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0889583/

When a skunk hits on your man

I offer my ass for peace between you

Please use a condom

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

  A former priest who lost his faith and his two children are touring through the desert. Seth and Richard, two brother criminals hold them hostage. Luck brings them to a titty house/bar in the desert with shady costumers to pass the night. But passing the night there is surprisingly hard...
  Robert Rodriguez, Tarantino's sidekick is another Z-movie freak and he was one of the people that helped revive the genre and make mainstream audiences see a more cult aspect in them. Rodriguez with an almost amateur-like love for movies like that, directs this film like any proper fan would and that makes it way more amusing as a film. Intense dialogues (I suspect Tarantino's hand), vampires, strip bars, bikers, guns, ladies and a soundtrack as hot as the desert!
  However cheesy the story, I really like watching actors of high value in these films. It reminds somehow that cinema was started as a means of entertainment, no matter how "quality" or not. Tarantino plays the psycho criminal with a thing for legs (touche) and Clooney is his more logical brother who usually clams him down. Harvey Keitel wil reagain his faith in the most unusual place and Juliette Lewis will make Tarantino crazy! Crazy credits : Salma Hayek with her breathtaking dance, Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Tom Savini and Fred Williamson. Try to guess where they dug them out from!
Must watch this : on a hot summer day. Eggs and bakey will do the trick. Accompany with a good ol' can of Monster energy drink and cheap cigarettes. The taste of desert vampires in your mouth!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116367/?ref_=nv_sr_2

So, yeah! I really like your toes!

Casual Saturday night out

Bitches to my left and bitches to my right!

Blacula (1972)

  Mamuwalde, an African prince in ancient times, gets bitten by Lord Dracula and turns into a vampire. After his deep slumber, Mamuwalde wakes up 70's Los Angeles ans spreads funky fear and horror as Blacula...
  Love or hate blaxploitation, you gotta to admit these guys had some serious sense of humor. Every 60s-70s famous film you think of, you can find its blaxploitation doppelganger. And you just can't but laugh at the wordplay of the original titles. I mean, Blacula? Who ever came up with that. All jokes aside though, director William Crain's only film is considered a blaxploitation classic as well as a comedy horror milestone. So, don't get too judgemental while watching it.
   Blacula is played by William Marshall who is not your average low quality actor but a very dynamic personality instead! And since this is a blaxploitation film, you get to see all of these black vampire mamas,
Vonetta McGee and Denise Nicholas. Lastly, for all you Sci-Fi freaks out there, you may even recognize Thalmus Rasulala only without the uniform.
Must watch this : get a motherfuckin' big bucket of supreme K.F.C, a proper manly volume of Pepsi Twist and your super-pumped vaporizer with Vaponaute flavor! Now that's cult, ladies and gentlemen!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068284/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

When bae knows how to shake that

When you remember that ass

POV angle when you walk with a hot girl in a club

Sparrows (1926)

  Molly lives imprisoned in a child farm. Somewhere in the swampy areas of U.S.A, her master kidnaps small children and forces them into hard labor. When her master kidnaps a small baby but decides to dispose of it, Molly collects her strength and as the oldest child she tries to escape together with the rest of the children...
  Oh boy, oh boy! William Beaudine's filmography as a director is sure one long list with a couple of cult classics inside too! 'Sparrows' is not exploitation of course but definitely deserves a look or two. A classic example of its era's cinema, this film is a dramatic story that cries for its happy ending. I knew movies back then had more serious subjects but the subject of child labor/ child farm shocked me at first. In the end, the story unfolds so nice (with the help of some pretty good photography) that you are left with a warm sentiment of good-beats-evil-after-all. They don't make them like that any more!
  In films like that, acting is expected to be much more theatrical than film-like and that makes sense as back then theater was the standard and cinema was still tested. Nevertheless, this means that actors had to be even more expressive in their movements and body language since films had no sound. Every time a film like 'Sparrows" takes my time I get happily surprised again and again by the acting! Mary Pickford, who plays Molly, among other things she did in her vast career, reached out to become a pioneering symbol in cinema, her style and persona adored for years after her death too. Watch this film and observe how powerful she seems and yet so feminine. Back then, feminism was more feminist than now!
Must watch this :  on a random April afternoon together with some season fruits and a cup of Earle Grey tea. Ideally, some American blend tobacco would do the trick too!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0017423/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Gimme my Nutella back

Never leave her wet and unsatisfied

Those camera filters, oh man!

Filth (2013)

  Bruce is not your average cop. A strange case of murder and trouble is worrying Scotland and  Bruce is assigned on the case. Naturally, this would be standard procedure if it wasn't for Bruce's drinking, whoring around and drub abuse. Just when the case is about to unfold, Bruce's secret life is revealed...
  Jon S. Baird seems to be walking steadily towards a worldwide fame and he does that with a special ease too. Really remarkable job on this film , which seems to be his serious debut. Intense scenes, even more intense dialogues and great photography help the story of this film evolve beautifully into the fairy tale of debauchery it is. A filthy movie indeed.
  James McAvoy is the only reason you will eventually watch this movie. Not that the other actors are of less importance but McAvoy grabs his role by the balls so hard that no space is left for other characters to show their existence. This is both meant in the good and the bad way. But eventually, McAvoy is so powerful in his acting that leaves you with no need or question about any other character in this film!
Must watch this : after a series of extreme parties. Make a cup of hot chocolate and after the film, regret (or maybe not) all the stupid stuff you've done. Curl up in a corner and contemplate where your life is going! But remember, "Same rules apply"...
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1450321/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

What do you mean you forgot the stuff back home?

Hello! Is this Horny Moaning Myrtle?

Don't ask no questions...and I won't tell you no lies

The Party (1968)

  A goofy Indian actor gets accidentally invited to a Hollywood producer's house party. Trying to play it cool and mingle, Mr. Bakshi just can't lets a night pass without getting into trouble and eventually ruins a very posh and expensive party!
  This was one of my favorite films while I was growing up. I was introduced to the genius of Peter Sellers by ym father and ever since then a year does not pass by without me devoting a special day for watching it and grooving with 60's vibes. Blake Edwards knows exactly what his job is and that can seem throughout the film ; escalating humorous scenes with perfectly planned pace, necessary musical breaks and well-studied on-spot sarcasm. Just the way a good fish-out-of-water comedy should be!
  To praise Sellers, my father always said that you can judge a comedian not by the way he speaks his lines but by his talent to make you laugh without saying one word. Check out his movements and everything and he will seem even funnier than before. Of course, the rest of the cast helps too. Drunk waiter Steven Franken, honey-bunny Claudine Longet and party host Herbert Ellis. If you don't end up saying "Birdy Num Num" all the time after the film, then you have not watched it properly!
Must watch this : with a ridiculously colorful cocktail in hand after you have relaxed with some sitar-jazz-experimental 60s rock. Someday, have your kid watch this and tell him what a comedian used to be!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063415/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Dat Ass !

No, you ruined the hashbutter!

Dan Bilzerian of the late 60's