The Mountain of the Cannibal God (1978) a.k.a La Montagna Del Dio Cannibale

 Susan's anthropologist husband gets lost in the New Guinean jungle. In an attempt to save him, she convinces her brother and one of her colleagues to join her in an jungle expedition. Early inside their jungle trip, they get attacked by a cannibal tribe and saving their lives becomes a vital priority...
  Legendary Italian director Sergio Martino is not afraid to go all the way in this classic cannibal film. The colourful jungle forest scenes make the the film more vividly believable and the addition of a cult-fully presented tribe elevate it to another cult status. The 103 minutes of the film are alive with shocking violence between humans but also between animals and humans. Those with a taste for animal rights better stay away as this is no documentary and the animal blood is real!
  Ursula Andress is utterly enjoyable and breathtaking (as usual) as the classic bimbo scream queen that faces danger but still finds a way out of it by flashing her beauty. Stacy Keach finds the right balance between a macho and a city person but in the end his macho swag comes out and saves the day. An overall good experience acting-wise way far from the coldness of Hollywood. Viva Italia!
Must watch this : with a fresh exotic salad and a Mai Tai on a random summer afternoon. After the film, go to the beach and try not turning into a cannibal with everything you see there!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077945/

You came to wrong turf, motherfucker

Hmm Hmm. sweet black thing!

Bite the stick. It's gonna hurt

Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

  Linda Westinghouse works in a Turkish legal firm and is often troubled with erotic nightmares about a sexy female vampire that seduces her. When she gets assigned on the case of Countess Nadine Carody, Linda recognizes in her the vampire of her dreams.Is Linda losing her mind or is it all happening?
  Summer has deeply kicked in around here and the only thing better than a cold beer is a Jess Franco film about lesbian vampires,trippy psychedelia and erotic atmosphere. Using his well-known techniques, Franco manages to emphasize on the beauty of the woman body creating a picturesque result without falling into the trap of porn. Dreamy sequences, hazy mood, a pure 60's psychedelic soundtrack by Siegfried Schwab and a plot that is exploitative enough will definitely make you lose your mind.
  Ewa Strömberg is Linda, a pretty young lady who is gets hunted by the seducing vampire Countess Nadine, beautifully played by Soledad Miranda. Both actresses display some very theatrical talent in their performances but undoubtedly Soledad stands out for the incredible look in her eyes. Something between "high beyond all points" and "horny as hell" that surely made Dennis Price fall for her charm and powers.
Must watch this : after you have consumed a hefty amount of bad quality alcohol, a pack of cigarettes and a manly joint, allow yourself to be drowned in this film's heavy smoke on a random hot summer night. Cool off with a ride in your car and this fucker blasting !
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066380/.

First 3 minutes in the film...It's gonna be good

I am leaving you, Mary, for Pierre. He is a much better lover!

Are those real?

The Inconsolable Widow Thanks All Those Who Consoled Her (1973) a.k.a La Vedova Inconsolabile Ringrazia Quanti La Consolarono

   Catarina Prevosti's husband get tragically killed in a car accident and leaves her with grief and a huge amount of cash that legally is not hers. In order to get hold of the money, her plotting mother will convince her to get pregnant within a month and convince the lawyers that she is carrying her late husband's baby...
  Italian producers and directors said let's thrive in another genre besides Giallo, Horror and Western and so they started to experiment with Sex Comedies. This film here is a fine example of this genre since it's both exploitation and somewhat of quality. Mariano Laurenti directs and the story falls in the same category with American Pie but with the distinctive difference that this one here took actual humans to write and there is a hint of a twisted plot. So, if you are open-minded enough to take a lewd sexual pun or two and you are ready to laugh with stretched social situations, give it a try.
  Edwige Fenech is delightful to watch and goes smoothly from a poor widow with an apt for good acting to a bitch that has to have her money. I wouldn't want her to be my wife (I wouldn't mind something else, though), that's for sure! Carlo Giuffrè, Didi Perego, Guido Leontini and Pino Ferrara all bind perfectly together in this tragic/comical 98 minutes filled with steamy vibrations.
Must watch this : with Italian friends, thin crust pizza and lemonade on a random summer evening.
Whole Movie
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072356/

You want a piece of this?

Why do I have to wear so many clothes?

Bite the pillow!

For Y'ur Height Only (1981)

  An evil mastermind, Mr. Giant, has kidnapped the very bright scientist Dr. Van Kohler in order to abuse his latest creation and hold the world ransom. The only man out there who can help is the magnificent Agent 00 with his incredible martial arts skills and his 3-foot-tall height...
  Even if this movie is a super funny spoof of the 60's and 70's spy films, it takes itself very seriously. Eddie Nicart's debut as a director and it certainly is not a normal start. Not when you get to direct the adventures of a 3-foot tall karateka and his attempts to save the world. Surprisingly enough, the film manages to create the humorous atmosphere without laughing at the protagonist which is something very tactful to achieve.
  Weng Weng is a true legend in his own world. Despite his miniature size, he managed to go up in fame by  acting in such ultra cheap, ultra cheesy films. Not giving a shit about height and size obstacles, Weng Weng goes through the action scenes as if he was a normal-sized actor and does so with an incredible swag. Plus, he is quite the ladies man, since females like Yehlen Catral goes nuts for his little nuts!
Must watch this : this movie needs a open mind and good mood to enjoy it otherwise you will fall into the trap of taking it seriously. Order some fast food, call up your friends and enjoy with lots of beer on a random September evening!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0200642/

Down, bitch!

Shit, my milk will go sour

San Andreas cheat code in almost real life

Unforgiven (1992)

  After, two cowboys knife a prostitute in a small American town, the town's sheriff has the difficult task of throwing off any gunslinger coming to town to collect the prostitute's revenge bounty. An old-time criminal and killer decides to go on one last bad deed to save his children and his farm from poverty...
  The Unforgiven is a reminder that the old West is not yet won. Following a classic Western story and progress, Clint Eastwood fills up this film with much more elements that separate it from the genre of just-another-western-movie. Heavy emotion, characters run down by life, violence and pain give a more realistic mood to this western making it a beautiful combination of adventure and drama. Hats off to Clint Eastwood who proves himself with every film he directs.
  As a man who likes things into his own hands, Clint Eastwood also stars as the old and growing but once hard-case criminal who tiredly takes on this new job. Morgan Freeman follows him as his old-time partner and still good friend and Jaimz Woolvett is the annoying ambitious youngster who follows them but thinks that leads them. Gene Hackman very vividly portrays a gunslinger legend who now is the sheriff of this rusty town. Worlds collide and bullets give the answer!
Must watch this : on a random night when you are not getting any sleep. Have this playing and enjoy with a glass of milk. The emotion won't let you sleep afterwards but still it will be worth the trouble!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105695/

Wait, we gotta go back. I forgot my iPad

Hold it, please. I gotta run to the bathroom!

Come on asshole. Make my day!

Master and Commander - The Far Side of the World (2003)

   Captain Jack Aubrey and his crew of able men sail the seas in defense of the name of the British Empire during the Napoleonic Wars. A French captain is on their tail with his advantageous new ship but Captain Jack Aubrey is a real sea wolf...
  Notable director Peter Weir presents a really fascinating film about seamanship and comradeship. Picturesquely set in the Napoleonic Wars (after all it is taken from Patrick O'Brian's books), Master and Commander combines the qualities of an epic film and the thrilling adventure that all sea films include. Neat work on the costumes and historical representation make the art of seamanship and the qualities of manhood appear more vivid than ever. A must for any sea lover and naval battle enthusiast.
  Russel Crow is the brave and fearless Captain Jack Aubrey and I must add that this part suits him the most. Crowe seems to fit right in this part and convince fully as the sea battle master that just won't back down. Amazing Paul Bettany is his best friend and co-fighter doctor from whom Aubrey gets reminded of his humanity. James D'Arcy, Edward Woodall, Max Pirkis and Billy Boyd as well as many others fill the sets for the rest of the crew!
Must watch this : if you are a sailor, watch this on your yacht with a glass of Scotch whiskey. If you are a simple man, go fishing in the morning, cook what you catch (or what you bought to lie about what you caught) and enjoy this film with your fish dish and ouzo.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311113/
In favor of all the sweet-water sailors back at my Maritime Studies School!

Onward to the islands of booty...

Damn, the ass on that one is de-lightful...I gotta tell the boys

What did I tell you, boys! That ass deserves an Oscar

A Fistful of Dollars (1964) a.k.a Per Un Pugno Di Dollari

  A mysterious gunslinger with no name arrives in a rusty old town by the Mexican border. He soon sees that the town is torn apart by a burning hatred between the two leading families there. He decides to fuel the fire for his own profit...
  The film that started it all! Sergio Leone puts his mark on the beginning film of the so-called trilogy of the Man with no name.There's guns a-blazing, wind a-blowing and sand a-covering everything on this masterpiece of film art. Heavy atmosphere (like the one you get when too much testosterone come around) that makes you take the movie seriously from the start and a fast-pacing plot that won't let you take your mind from it. I don't think there is anything more compelling than western films like this especially when the soundtrack (by Ennio Morricone) is equally breathtakingly good!
  As always, Clint Eastwood is amazing and presents a flawless depiction of his character. Swift and cunning, he takes on his enemies one by one. Gian Maria Volonté, Antonio Prieto, Sieghardt Rupp and Wolfgang Lukschy meet their master in his face and regret their hate-driven lives. And since there had to be a woman role to ease the mood, Marianne Koch fits perfect right in the middle!
Must watch this : call up your real men friends (make sure they are real men) and enjoy this film while sampling cigars and bourbon on hot summer night!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058461/

I don't want to talk about it, all right?

MmmmHmmm, dat ass!

Put down the bag!