Witchfinder General (1968) a.k.a The Conqueror Worm

  17th century. England is divided in two by the civil war. Matthew Hopkins, the notorious witch hunter, takes the chance to satisfy his own sadistic intents and make a good profit of it. Entering a village to practice his usual tricks, he finds opposition by a soldier ready to put an end to his reign...
  If Michael Reeves had lived longer we would have many more notable cult movies like this. R.I.P, though, as he exceeded all expectations with this film here! Excellent cinematography and  sets (after all it is a British production), impressive acting and a story based on the real witch hunter! The film may come shocking to some people for its scenes of excessive violence and the overall belief in the film that human life has no actual value. Wait, is this film talking about the 17th century or the 21st?
  Vincent Price is Matthew Hopkins as only he must have been the only actor ballsy enough to take up such a role. Pure evil and malevolence all mixed up in a weird dedication to Christian beliefs? Vincent Price has just the thing for it! Ian Ogilvy does an equally god job as his arch enemy who sees through his thick layer of lies and religious deception!
Must watch this : with a cup of Earl Grey tea, buttered scones and cake on a rainy March afternoon. After the film contemplate society's march through the ages and how pathetically it is heading to a violent social dead end.
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063285/ 

Should I carve DICK on his back?

Do I smell fart?

Beliebers beaten to death, photo from archive circa 1640

The Sinful Dwarf (1973) a.k.a Dværgen

  Olaf and his mother are far more than your ordinary landlords; they run a white slavery ring and use some girls for their brothel in their basement. They also smuggle heroin to keep their victims dazed and confused. Peter and Mary, a young couple, have just checked in the boarding house of their nightmares...
  This the lowdown of real degradation. Vidal Raski's only film is a sinful trip to the underground of  European classiness, filled with forced prostitution, drug smuggle and abuse and lots of violence. Considered by many the finest example of Eurosleaze, this film is not for the fainthearted as it exceeds in sex, violence and extremely tense scenes. Check it out at your own risk!
  Hats off to Torben Bille for surpassing any taboos about his height and everything and truly giving a most frightful depiction of his character. It takes a lot of gut to star in a film that actually exploits your 'posture' to add to its cache, without respecting much either! Tony Eades and Anne Sparrow do a great job too, being the love couple that humps everywhere they can.
Must watch this : with a really short friend of yours so that you can make (benevolent) fun of their height. Accompany with herbal tea and chocolate cake on random cold night!
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070696/ 

And here's where I keep my toys...

Don't do drugs

But, mooooom! She called me short!

 

A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973) a.k.a La nuit des étoiles filantes

  A girl arrives to France from London in order to be present at her dead father's will reading. She visits her long-lost relatives and just when she decided to stay with them, unusual things start to happen. She is tortured by strange visions and nightmares including lesbian love and satanic rituals with her a sacrifice. A big secret is about to be disclosed...
  Jess Franco in da house and he is about to fuck your brains out. Without protection! Straight from the abyssal depths of Franco's imagination, comes this fine piece of Eurosleaze and Eurohorror sexploitation. French mood in the air combined with spooky castle sets and acting from beyond the realms of reality! Yikes, I feel the chills even now!
  The usual Franco cast in new adventures for the not-easily-offended! Christina von Blanc as Christina (!), the young daughter of the deceased man. Britt Nichols, Rosa Palomar, Anne Libert gather up to complete the female cast and damn they are horrifyingly hot! Psycho Howard Vernon is the uncle you don't want to have as a relative but he is there, condemning your existence at family dinners!
Must watch this : with a girl and only the light from some lit red candles. You have to have sex after the film (it is Jess Franco so if you don't you disrespect him). Have the film playing again in mute, blast that unholly shit and go nuts!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066914/

Such lips!

I got 99 problems but money ain't one

Hey, I was watching you sleep. You sleep so hot!

Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969)

  Baron Frankenstein is back on his usual track. This time he is hiding his true identity and with the forced help of young doctor Karl and his fiancée Anna he wants to fulfill his new plans ; to perform the first brain transplantation surgery eve. He kidnaps deranged Dr. Brandt for his brain but not everything goes as planned...
  Loosely based on the original Frankenstein story, this film can stand on its own as a variation of the series, with an interesting plot and everything. Terence Fisher on the wheel (who else would it be?) and he sure is one hell of a "driver"! Unbeatable Hammer Productions sets and mood, British finesse and a horror legend that refuses to die! A fine film for every devoted horror fan.
  Peter Cushing (no need for introductions) goes beyond the usual evil. He kidnaps, schemes, hold hostages and even rapes (rumor has it that he apologized to his colleague after the scene) all in the favor of science. Simon Ward and Veronica Carlson (you guessed it! she gets the rape) are the unlucky young couple in love that happens to be in his way. True spiraling horror!
Must watch this : with a cappuccino and chocolate cake on a rainy November afternoon. After the film, go out for a stroll in the rain. I don't know why but it always sounds like a good idea after  horror film!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065738/

I got the brains chills from all this weed

I am going to mail this to your mother only to inform her that her son is a faggot. OK?

I need to change my hairdresser. Shit!

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954)

  Professor Pierre Aronnax and his assistant are sent on a ship to investigate a number of mysterious sinkings. The ship will be sunk by the highly advanced Nautilus, a submarine designed and controlled by Captain Nemo. Captain Nemo will take the professor, his assistant and a random surviving sailor on a trip that will change their lives.
  The classic story by Jules Verne brought to us in the big screen by legendary director Richard Fleischer. Beautiful sets,breathtaking photography and carefully executed special effects, this film respects the legacy of its story. The film is alive with a sentiment of calmness and serenity, depicting in such way the feeling when you get when you are at the sea! Genius...
  James Mason as Captain Nemo, Paul Lukas as Professor Pierre Aronnax, Peter Lorre as Conseil, the professor's assistant, and Kirk Douglas as Ned Land, the sailor. Respected and well- read actors that caught the mood of the story perfectly. Excellent depiction of the characters that clash and compete with one another throughout the film. Makes me think that a remake would ruin everything!
Must watch this : with a glass of juice and a selection of fruits. After the film, go to the beach (boo hoo if you do not have one nearby) and chill by the sound of the waves contemplating the future.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046672/

Good times while sinking low

Are we getting high or what?

Let me sing you the song of my people

Society (1989)

  Bill, a young man from an upper class family, has strange feelings that he is different from anyone else. He can't feel close with his family and even his girlfriend gives him a weird feeling. Bill will find out the truth about his feelings when he accidentally crashes his parents' party. The truth will not be one to like...
  Brian Yuzna's debut as a director is one hell of a grotesque ride! A teenager with socializing issues finds out the ugly truth about high society! This film will fuck your brain both visually and mentally! You will get all the gory, flowy, oozing sequences that the 80's made us appreciate and you will get enough food for thought! Just don't start the conspiracies...or should you?
  Billy Warlock plays (you guessed it) Billy, the young man the finds himself in the claws of his capitalist family and neighborhood. I do love his genuine reactions and acting especially when shit turns out bad. Classic performances by the rest of the cast but that's not to scare you off. You have got to watch this film!
Must watch this : just when you are about to get a job at a big, high-grossing company. Don't eat anything while watching it and it's probably better to watch this alone. Use what you see in your daydreams at work.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098354/

And so, the senate has decided to lower the price of chocolate in the cafeteria...

Me and this doll are just friends. Come on, believe me!

Listen,I am totally not into BDSM

Vampyres (1974)

  Two lesbian vampires, who live at a rural manor in England, get their victims by seducing by-passers or hitch-hikers. They then proceed to satisfy their sexual needs and most of all quench their thirst for human blood...
  Yikes! José Ramón Larraz directs this milestone in erotic horror films! Incredible atmosphere, haunting sets, arousing scenes...The English is finesse is abundant and profound all around the film. Especially in the actors' performances. You can notice their dedication to their work no matter how sleazy the story unwinds to be. A must for any pervert with a liking for horror stuff or any self-respecting viewer!
   Marianne Morris and Anulka Dziubinska play the vampire duo and damn me but his is one hot couple. I wouldn't getting between them too even if I had to sell my soul to the darkness! They both stand up to their roles and provide some ultra steamy acting!
Must watch this : with any goth, satanist, vampire lover, lesbian, weird girl friend you have. Convince them that a sinful orgy is a must-do if they would like to liberate their spirits. Accompany with lots of red wine and set the mood with that shit. 
Trailer 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072354/ 

I left my dildo somewhere here...

I am telling she bit me. These are not needle spots...

Is that period blood on your lips?!