Twins Of Evil (1971)

  Τwins Maria and Frieda are sent to live with their uncle, Gustav Weil, who leads the local fight against vampirism and witchcraft. His main enemy is Count Karnstein but he is untouchable due to his social status. The Count tries to seduce the twins to his dark castle and include them in his devilish rituals but one of them is more attracted to it than the other...
  Prolific director John Hough brings us this interesting addition to the empire that is gothic horror films of Hammer! The atmosphere seems darker than in most Hammer films, the tone is set to gloomy and bucolic, all the usual actors are there and now the female threat is double! For me, the ritual scenes were something refreshing and made the film flow much cooler!
  Peter Cushing could not be absent from this film either. His classic style of acting is even more obvious, given the fact that Damien Thomas, his arch enemy, is also quite good at luring and enticing Madeleine and Mary Collinson,who are just two cutie pies that got in the wrong village.
Must watch this : on a cool September night, when the weather has just started cooling off from the hot summer. Let the cool breeze hug you and push you deeper into the film's foggy woods. Be sure to take some lunch with you!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069427/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

"I bite" "I don't"

Dear Lord Satan, thank you for this fine piece of ass that you have blessed me with

Da fuq is that?

Night of the Bloody Apes (1969) a.k.a La Horripilante Bestia Humana

  In a desperate act to save his son's life, a mad doctor performs the first ape-to-man heart transplant surgery hoping it will help cure his leukemia. The young man starts turning into a violent gorilla-man that goes on a killing spree. The doctor tries to correct his mistake but it is already too late...
  From the land of total sleaze and cheesiness, René Cardona directs this interesting piece of cheap exploitation. Ultra low-budget effects, cold but hilarious acting and an ape-monster-man that seems to have a thing for buxotic Mexican women! There is some fake gore (the scene with the heart transplant is real and was inserted), some Latina nudity, some Sci-Fi so I guess this movie passes the bar for weird flicks!
  José Elías Moreno is the mad doctor and he is the most cheesiest of the entire cast, Agustín Martínez Solares is his son but only appears half-asleep all the time and Gerardo Zepeda lends the muscualr body to the monster! Norma Lazareno seems like she was a last minute addition (maybe she had an affair with the script writer) but we don't mind at all and Carlos López Moctezuma is the hunchback-like assistant of the monkey doctor! For dedicated fans only!
Must watch this : with good mood (you will start laughing many times throughout the film), good Mojito and the sun burning. After the film, you need to go to the beach and pretend you are an ape. Some of us, the hairier kind, don't need to try much!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063090/

Women Lucha Libre...Feminism-World:1-0

Bad case of period

Dad, am I adopted?

The Sadist (1963)

  Three school teachers on their way to Los Angeles for a Dodgers game get car trouble and stop at a wrecking yard. A gun-wielding teenage maniac and his non-speaking girlfriend appear and start terrorizing them, killing one of them and forcing the other two to cooperate. A twisted game of death ensues...
  James Landis directs what is believed to be the first film based on an actual serial killer's life. Following the deeds Charles Starkweather and Caril Fugate (see Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers), the film creates a heavy thriller atmosphere filled with tense dialogues and close-to-cheesy lines that guarantee an enjoyable but shocking 90 minutes.Vilmos Zsigmond put his dirty little hand in the film so it is easy to see why it is so unique. Make no mistake. This film may be cheap and look like your average exploitation but it has the potential to be much more than that!
  Arch Hall Jr. does surprisingly good at portraying the maniac, half-crazed teen that feels nothing when he kills and so does Marilyn Manningas his mute girlfriend who shares the same brain damage! When everyone expected Arch Hall to fail, he proved them wrong. Richard Alden, Don Russell and Helen Hovey are the three teachers that were just too unlucky. They too show great talent in showing fear and anxiety for their lives but  Helen Hovey is too much of a scream queen for my taste!
Must watch this : definitely watch this when you get the chance. This is true cinema art. Ideally, watch it on a hot, quiet July night with your girlfriend and some orange juice. Don't speak throughout the film and let it speak to you with its heaviness! Then listen to this dirty homage to this spree killer !
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057465/

The worst nightmares come when I have to grade my students' test!

My parents are not around so I will drink all the sodas and kill all of you!

Oh, snap! Mother fucking lens!

Seraphim Falls (2006)

  The great American outdoors, end of the Civil War. A fierce colonel and his group of gunmen hunt down through the wild nature a man with whom he has a deadly grudge. The hunted eliminates the colonel's men one by one until they are left alone to settle the debt...
   David Von Ancken , known T.V director (Californication) , tries his luck with modern western. Despite the fact that it was 40 years after the western era, this film could easily become a classic, given the right chance. All the quality elements are there ; strong character build, a great scenery of deserted and human-less nature, an amazing hunter-hunted story, a burning need for survival and violence!
  Most of the weight of the film also falls on the actors that made it happen. Main actors Liam Neeson and Pierce Brosnan show some real talent. You can feel the tension between them as one tries to kill the other to survive. Michael Wincott, Tom Noonan, and Ed Lauter also appear in major roles that support the two main protagonists.
Must watch this : on a cold November night to sympathize with the characters in the film. Get a glass of Jack Daniels, some tobacco for hand-rolled cigarettes and relax by the fire (or your heater ! ) .
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479537/?ref_=nv_sr_1

I listened to Disco Polo...

Heavy...

So, what will it be? 10$ for an hour, last chance

Fly Me The French Way (1974) a.k.a Tout Le Monde Il En A Deux

  Valérie, a beautiful young girl, stays at and takes care of her cousin's house while he is away for six months. Her first she spends there with her girlfriend and suddenly members a mysterious sex cult barge in and kidnap Sophie, Valérie's girlfriend. Later, they find out that the cousin has incriminating footage of the cult  leader and that she wants to ruin his life. Valérie now has to put a stop to it...
  Jean Rollin is known for his unique style of exploitation and for his unique style of dramaticized erotica. This film belongs to the second genre and even though it is too raw for a normal film, it is not too sleazy and lewd to be porn. Either way, Rollin's poetic takes and angles make this film enjoyable to watch despite the taboo of its content.
  Joëlle Coeur, Marie-France Morel, Brigitte Borghese, Annie Belle and Agnès Lemercier. All beautiful in their own way, for a film such as this. It goes without saying that the acting is non existent and not even suitable for porn. It is something in between like friends making a parody video and you can tell that they know the look ridiculous while doing so!
Must watch this : if you don't watch this high, drunk or with your girlfriend, don't bother to watch it at all !
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070821/

Only these 3 bottles for us? Seems like it will be a quiet night

Who dares interrupt my hookah session?

Da fuck y'all mothafuckas lookin' at? That's my dress

Coffy (1973)

  Coffy is a young and beautiful nurse who finds out that her little sister has been pushed to dope by a greedy pusher. Seeking justice, she kills him and then proceeds to take on the rest of pushers and druglords she can get her hands on. Little does she know that the corruption scheme to cover up the whole business affects her even more she would like to...
  Notable cult director Jack Hill directs this blaxploitation jewel and gives the chance to Pam Grier to become the Black Queen of Violence she set out to become. Fast-paced action and witty (but not cheesy) dialogues in a socially corrupt background! Fast cars, guns, lethal women and easy men all under a glorious funky soundtrack! Welcome to Black Violence!
  Pam Grier is magnificent as always, giving a new meaning to the term ebony goddess. If all the supposed feminists out there were more like the characters she impersonates then there wouldn't any issue about gender equality. Booker Bradshaw also does as a co-starring actor and so does the rest of the cast like Robert Doqui, Sid Haig and William Elliott.
Must watch this : on a hot summer night with some fried chicken and a glass of Southern Comfort, alone or with company that is worth it. After the film, consider who are the people in your life for whom you would reach the edge of yourself and try to determine that edge!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069897/

Make your own sandwich, nigga!

Hmmm, nice place to meet, you assholes!

Strong women sit by and watch explosion!

Flesh Gordon (1974)

  Planet Porno's leader, Emperor Wang the Perverted, sends his "Sex Ray" towards Earth in order to turn everyone into hypersexual. There is only one man who can stop him and that is Flesh Gordon with the help of his girlfriend Dale Ardent and Professor Flexi-Jerkoff. The three saviors embark on a journey to the center of the "Sex Ray", unaware of the dangers...
  That must one of the first sex parodies out there. Michael Benveniste and Howard Ziehm join forces and bring us this "masterpiece" of exaggerated sexual comedy. Almost every scene was copied from the Flash Gordon series and was bathed in exploitation before it was chosen to be in the film. Filled with nudity and campy humor, this film is definitely not for anyone out there. Ask yourself who you are before you watch it!
  Jason Williams plays Flesh Gordon, Suzanne Fields is his girlfriend, Joseph Hudginsis Dr. Jerkoff (he must have been Russian I presume) and William Dennis Hunt is Emperor Wang. Candy Samples even makes an appearance along with other half or fully nude women. The overall idea of acting is something like watching a not so good Youtube video parody so make your assumptions likewise. If it lights your fire, then feel free to get burned! 
Must watch this: alone or with your open-minded girlfriend or with an open-minded friend. Either way, have a good laugh with a good beer and a good pizza but make sure to get out your house after the film. Otherwise, consider yourself weird!
Trailer

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068595/

The world's biggest dong

That was a dick move...

Hush, you'll be a woman soon...

Braveheart (1995)

  The story of William Wallace, one of Scotland's greatest heroes, and how he managed to play a major role in the Scottish Independence. Starting by killing the sheriff of his hometown when he killed his wife, Wallace leads a group of commoners and soon joins forces with the rest of the Scottish clans against the English. But freedom is never free...
  Mel Gibson directs (and stars) in this masterpiece of a film. Although historically inaccurate in most parts, the film does not fail to provide a high quality historical war film, with the proper settings, costumes and story that a proper historical war film should have. Its 3 hours may seem too much at first but Gibson manages to make them flow like cold water. So, get your kilt on and become a man!
  I consider Mel Gibson to be a talented actor (and director) despite what is being said about him lately. In this film, Gibson succeeds in making Wallace one of the most heroic figures in modern cinema and does so without relying on film cliches about male figures. With proper moves and with the proper cast by his side like Sophie Marceau, Patrick McGoohan, Angus Macfadyen, crazy David O'Hara and Seán McGinley, Gibson easily makes this film your favorite, if you have the minimum amount of balls to call yourself a man!
Must watch this : only with the people that you have the respect and decency to call your best friends (women and douchebags stay away). Gather up, get a six pack of Scottish ale, some barbeque and enjoy this film with tears in your eyes and adrenaline in your veins. Then, each one of you go and devote this sentimental fucker to your loved one!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112573/

Hmmmm, fresh kush!

Gimme back my stash, motherfucker!

Shit, I am utterly high!

A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine (1966)

  Sharon Winters, a sexy secretary, has one twisted hobby ; she goes out with guys, seduces them and when she is about to have sex with them she pretends she doesn't want to, starts yelling that they rape her and then calls the cops on them! She already sent one man to jail, another to another town and made another one crazy. But her spree will soon be over...
  Byron Mabe has already been introduced here as  a major exploitation director. This flick is another one of his dirty works and his first one! Taking the classic sexploitation recipe with the help of legendary David F. Friedman, Mabe manages to give his own small touch to it with interesting angles and an excitingly swinging soundtrack.
  Stacey Walker plays the she-devil Sharon and her face really says it all (her body says the rest). Sam Melville, Bob Todd, Michael O'Kelly are her powerless victims while Sharon Carr is her hot roommate who has yet to decide if she likes men or women! If you are a devoted fan of the genre, dig in!
Must watch this : on a random, hot summer night before going out to meet your friends. Get a glass of Southern Comfort, dim the lights and lose yourself inside the intoxicating, sexy smoke of the film. When you meet your friends have this groovy tune playing in your head and watch out for women just like Sharon!
Short excerpt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180177/

"What are your opinions on rape?" "I don't like the subject" "That's a start"

"Don' look, don't look" "Fuck you, brain! Why shouldn't I?"

Do these look natural?

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

  A countess leaves her daughter, Marcilla, with General von Spielsdorf so that she can go away and look after her sick friend. During Marcilla's stay in the Spieldorf house, their daughter gets suspiciously sick and and weak. When Marcilla goes to stay at another house, the same situation occurs there too. Legends and rumors start to spread about an old vampire family...
  Directed by the legendary Roy Ward Baker, this flick is one of the most atmospheric and gothic Hammer films. As always, amazing settings and story that bind together by some glorious photography and even more stunning performances. The overall mood is something like the feeling of being alone in the woods with the first cold autumn breeze blowing and you get the feeling that someone is after you! This movie is that good!
  Peter Cushing as always is the card that guarantees a good Hammer Film production. Kate O' Mara and Madeline Smith make the vampire world a better place with the classy beauty and Ingrid Pitt needs an collection of poems in her name to describe and glorify her venomous seductive stare! You can't miss it if you are a fan of true Gothic horror or at least a fan of vampire horror!
Must watch this : on the coldest night of October when the wind is blowing satisfyingly cold and the humidity is at right level! Set the mood with some red candles and red wine, invite a girl friend over and have a blood orgy after the film with this unholy cup of blood flowing!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066518/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Wet dream again!

Alright, alright just suck it and leave me alone!

You gotta stake 'em bitches to the ground!

 

Diary of a Nymphomaniac (1973) a.k.a Le Journal Intime D'Une Nymphomane

  A young girl, Linda, works at a bar as part of a lesbian duo show. One night she picks up Ortiz from the bar, seduces him to her room and proceeds to commit suicide right after calling the police. Ortiz is suddenly held responsible for her death. But dark secrets are about to unfold and Ortiz may not be so innocent after all...
  Jess Franco is one nasty motherfucker and he proves it anyway he can. 41 years before Lars von Trier, Franco gives us his own version of what a nympho is and the result really blows your mind. Dreamy photography as the camera idly and drunk swings among the delinquent characters in this poem of European sensual filth!
  Montserrat Prous plays the seductive Linda and Manuel Pereiro is the unlucky Ortiz who probably got what he deserved. Mixed up in this is also Ortiz's wife played by Jacqueline Laurent, a lesbian countess played by Anne Libert and Linda's partner Maria Toledano impersonated by Kali Hansa. All blend perfectly and make this movies the perverted masterpiece it is. As usual, most female actors are nude or semi-nude throughout the film, so prude douchebags and extreme feminists back off! This is for the open minded! 
Must watch this : right when summer starts making its first appearances. Set the mood with that saucy temptress, get a cocktail or just a beer and get high on this film, thinking of all the sex you are (not) going to have this summer. Daydream of how it would be to meet a nympho and how it would affect. Who knows, you might even get lucky!
Excerpt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069973/

You know this movie is gonna be good right from the start

He is behind me, isn't he?

And stay there until I bring your leash

Ace Ventura - Pet Detective (1994)

  A football team's dolphin mascot goes missing some days before the the great event of Superbowl. Police is on the case but their investigations turns out nothing. The team's leadership decides to assign Ace Ventura on the case, a half-crazed detective specializing in animals...
  Tom Shadyac is responsible for some notable 90s cult comedy films and Pet Detective sure is cult. Exploiting Carrey's explosive character to the fullest, this movie is just non-stop laughter with tons of genius lines. If it was good enough for Cannibal Corpse to be inside, then it surely is good for me too!
  None can compare to Jim Carrey, especially back in those days when he was a real unstoppable machine of goofiness. Courteney Cox also stars by his side but it is not the same as she is playing a much too common role to make comedy of. Either way, this movie stands out on its own in this genre so it's a shame if you still haven't watched it!
Must watch this : on a boring summer afternoon with the bros and some cocktails. Use all the positive energy you get from the movie and go out with that slick mofo playin' in your head and try to score.
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109040/

Dayum, now that's what I call an ass!

But, I only came to sell Girl Scout Cookies!

When the last shot kicks in!

The Werewolf Vs. The Vampire Woman (1971) a.k.a La Noche de Walpurgis

  Elvira and Genevieve are traveling through the French countryside in search of a tomb from the medieval times, Countess Wandessa's. The tomb happens to be inside the property of Waldemar Daninsky, who invites to stay for as long as they want and do their digging up. When Elvira accidentally wakes up the vampire Wandessa, Waldemar is the only one who can save them. Or is he?
  Cult director León Klimovsky joins forces with Paul Naschy and the result is more than stunning. Despite its ridiculous funding (the special effects are ultra cheap but we love them like that), the film does not fail to amaze you with its fantastic settings and unbeatable atmosphere. The story is classic EuroHorror, exploiting in every way it can the legends of vampires and werewolves and creating an eerie mood that makes your spine shiver.
  Paul Naschy is one true legend of the cult! His work stands out of the fog of the EuroHorror genre and gives his own unique trashy style! His transformation from man to werewolf is remarkable in this film and so is his role as a noble man. Patty Shepard is his seductive arch enemy and Gaby Fuchs with Barbara Capell are the two nymphs that were looking to get in trouble!
Must watch this :  on a windy spring night when it's not too hot. Make a Bloody Mary and enjoy this film with the cool wind giving you the creeps!
Trailer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066160/

And I was like whaaaaa?

Yeah, just jump right in...It's comfy

I swallow